I would appreciate some advice for a 7yo who identifies as F2m.

[Ginburee]

My first ever thread despite having lurked for years.
My 7yo daughter (and yes we use pronouns ATM) has lived as a boy since she was 3/4. Wears nothing but clothes bought in the male section and plays with stereotypical boys toys.
We have been totally child led and supportive and now we are heading to junior school am on the edge- do I see the GP and get a referral or carry on as we are?
She desperately wants to be a boy but had never specifically said she is one but we had an almighty tantrum on holiday as she didn't want to wear the rash vest that went with her shorts and just wanted trunks.
I am really open to her seeing other people but have been having an email conversation with GP and they have no idea what to do with a trans child so will refer on.
I am heading into unknown territory, hubby is supportive to a point but thinks if we have a referral they will 'push more trans issues' and he feels we should carry on as we are.
My child easily passes for a boy and has an adaptable name that she has been using for the last few years.
I could really do with (a massive gin and a big hug) and some advice from people who have been there.

FWIW you cannot diagnose a child as "trans" - the diagnosis is Gender Dysphoria.

Currently the "treatment" on offer is to encourage the dysphoric child to dress/present as the sex they desire to be, change name if relevant etc. This may also be followed by puberty blockers, which almost inevitably lead to cross-sex hormones.

Even if a child really is gender dysphoric (causing genuine, consistent distress) many grow out of it by the onset of puberty.
There seems very little attempt to treat children other to "confirm" their "identity" - that's the problem we have. No one wants to make children lifelong patients, nor start them on a treatment that could lead to infertility and irreversible changes. Puberty blockers are not harmless, puberty is necessary for physical and brain development.

Children should not be told that liking xxxx makes you male and liking yyyy makes you a girl, and other such rubbish. And the problem is that these "gender-based" differences are getting more pronounced - not less.

i was referring to the reference about their being no Princes Trust only a Princess Trust

No one wants to make children lifelong patients, nor start them on a treatment that could lead to infertility and irreversible changes

I fear that somebody does, this agenda is being pushed at an alarming rate, why?

The little princess charity is named after a little girl, Hannah, who died, hence her parents decided to call it after their little princess.

Damned sadly I think you're right.

If people were telling me "oh I/DD/DSis was exactly the same! I grew out of it!" (Whatever problem I thought my child had) - I would be a bit relieved and hopeful. For some reason that's negative though 🤔

Have ANY of these threads had the OP saying "thanks for all the reassurance and stories about your tomboy girls! I'll certainly try and chill and just let her dress the way she wants!"

These threads always seem to have the parent not wanting reassurance at all

Surely wearing a rash vest is unisex - it protects you from sunburn. Putting on a rash vest isn't gendered. I can well imagine any 7yo to object to wearing a rash vest (because they don't know what is best for them in terms of sun protection), but I don't see what that has to do with gender.

Who is discussing mastectomy with a 7yo? What other disturbing ideas is your DD being fed about her body and her future.

Please stay off Mermaids and 4thwavenow.

Bot have an inherent bias.

The best you can do at the moment is wait and see what happens.

I would be concerned that she know that you can get "boobs cut off" (para) as this isn't something that a child of that age would be aware of.

Just a question but
Is there someone else driving this?

I don't think saying that posters kids who were 'tom boys' aren't the same isn't necessarily true though. As a little girl I believed I was a boy, passed as a boy, had boy friends, did stereotypically boy stuff and loathed the idea of boobs. I was a boy in my dreams and the character I absolutely identified with was always male in any book or film I engaged with. I didn't much like girl stuff but it didn't bother me because I wasnt a girl.
Then hormones hit and I became a woman yeah I did have dysphoria for a while but then that's pretty common for adolescents and actually I am a bog standard Heterosexual who is absolutely delighted with my sex and my body. I am still a bit masculine in interests and behaviours compared to media stereotypes but not more so than many women I know.

Other than persisting for longer I find it difficult to see how different a 'trans' kid could be from what I was.

I would just let her be and see what she becomes. It's arrogance to think you can know and idiocy to think she does

My friend's daughter was effectively a boy from age 4-13 she fought to be in the boys' football team (the rules were changed for her) and would only wear boys' clothes. She is still a tomboy but happily married to man with two children (both boys actually). You've done well to be child led, continue that I'd say.

I really don't feel this is a phase, or a tomboy

But what are you basing this on exactly? Really think about this.

People here have described their experiences, that sound VERY similar to your DD and saying they grew out of it. Why are you discounting them?

You have no way of knowing whether your DD will grow out of it or not. This is her uthentic true self right now but that might change over time as it does for many, many girls and women.

If you decide she's FTM that may well become a self fulfillig prophecy, and while the treatment for gender dysphoria is surgery and sterilisation, it would be a real shame if she went through that unnecessarily.

It's another parent looking for a label and the fact she is only 7 is horrifying for me.

OP - you have described a perfectly normal 7 yo child. You asked for experiences and about a hundred posters have told you that either

They were like that
Their child was like that
Someone they know was like that as a child.

Nearly all of these children have grown up to be perfectly normal ( straight or gay ) adult women who are happy with their lives and their bodies.

People have given you excellent and helpful advice about how changing your own attitudes and prejudices could help you child.

Yet you refuse to acknowledge any of this and persist in pathologising your child.

This makes people wonder about you and your motives.

1. Do you WANT to have a child who is unhappy and " different " to fulfill your own need for attention and to prove your coolness ? Because most parents who genuinely do have a child with gender dysphoria would give anything for their child to be well and happy . It's not a thing that you want to bring on your own family to show how 'right on ' you are.

If that's the case then please get yourselves some couselling or therapy now before your screw up your child.

1. Are you so fearful that your child might be a lesbian that you want to sterilise and mutilate her ? if that's the case, please get some counselling or therapy now for yourselves now before you screw up your child.

1. Is the thought of challenging you and your husband's prejudices so fearful to you that you are willing to sacrifice your child's well being to them? If so, then please see 1 and 2.

People here want to support you, they genuinely do. But they are also concerned for the welfare for your very young child and the way in which you and your husband are messing with her head.

See a decent GP for your mental health issues and leave the poor wee kid alone.

When I was 7 I wanted to be a horse, I really really with every fibre of my being wanted this. I trotted, I neighed, I would have eaten out of a bucket if I was allowed to. At times I managed to convince myself I was a magical horse in a little girl's body. I was an odd kid I admit! the point is that at 40+ I no longer think this; I like horses but accept that I am not one. Op 7 year olds are highly inaginative, they feel strongly and can never imagine feeling any other way. This is why I think transing young kids is so,so dangerous. She doesn't know everything yet, she hasn't experienced everything life has to offer, she isn't done yet, she's still growing. So please, please let her be, stop looking for a label for her.
Drop the gender stereotypes and encourage her to wear, look like,play in the way that suits her and leave her to develop her own personality. If she still identifies as f2m as she approaches adulthood then that is the time to be supportive. Now is the time to simply be the parent of a lovely 7 year old.

Kr1stina a little harsh.

I think being a tomboy now is very hard, and think it is a very tough up hill battle for parents, to not let their child become influence by the Transagender.

But there will be parents who are going to be confused and upset by the distress they see in their child. Unfortunately the agender has slid in unnoticed by the majority (along with stronger stereotypes) this majority will have been told by the media to be open and accepting of all things LGBT, so will be seeking out support for them and their child. It could come as quite a surprise to find many people on a forum not sharing the open mindedness of the what media says you should. Which I presume can make them defensive of what they happily believed was right.

Also with the trans agender being so pushed in this society, the tomboy is later convinced there is a way out, of being a girl, and will rally against a parent simply saying you are girl.(unlike years ago when there was never any other option being touted)

As others have said and me included, had we been a tomboy now, we would have jumped at the chance and believed we were boys. As a young teen not listening parents and thinking you know best is a strong emotion.

So yes I can understand the distress the child will have the more the parents say no you are a girl, the more the child will escalate their feelings of fustration.

There are parents on here struggling with this, and by and large it is/was not their parenting that has led them to years of heart ache and pain struggling with the Trans agender.

I had a niece like this. Lived like a boy, even wore a kilt to the school prom as the thought of wearing a dress depressed her. Then she hit 13. The hormones came flooding in. Now she wears make up/duck pouts/dresses like any other teenage hormonal girl.

I actually had a mother watching dd3 at a sports thing who said 'dd3 is basically a boy isn't she? Have you ever considered that?"

No, but I am now considering you are a massive twat and unfriending you on facebook

Same here show, often. Now dd is questioned by her peers.

If you veer away from your stereotype beware...

I know a child like this. She only wore boys clothes, wanted to change her name etc etc. She said 'I am a boy". She did this until she was 10. Then she suddenly said "I am a girl" and that was that. She threw away all her boys stuff. She is now a happy late teenager with no interest in football, which was her obsession before, at all.

Also with the trans agender being so pushed in this society, the tomboy is later convinced there is a way out, of being a girl, and will rally against a parent simply saying you are girl.(unlike years ago when there was never any other option being touted).......So yes I can understand the distress the child will have the more the parents say no you are a girl, the more the child will escalate their feelings of frustration

I haven't seen anyone suggesting her parents " simply say she is a girl " or "no you are a girl " .

I've seen many posts suggesting her parents say

" yes you are a Child, an amazing unique human being who today likes shorts and football and horrid Henry. You can be whatever you want, like whatever you want and wear whatever you want . Because that's what childhood is about , exploring possibilities and finding who you are " .

Posters are suggesting that the OP become MORE open minded , not less. That she is MORE open to other sexualities ( if that is indeed her issue) not less.

You are completely misunderstanding what most posters are saying.

BTW Many LGB people do not wish to be aligned with transactivists because they see their agenda as homophobic and lesbophobic.

Kr1stina

I know what you saying, and agree that this particular OP seems more willing to push the Trans agender rather then take on on board opinions.

All I was trying to say, was that for many people this maybe the first time they have come across people expressing a different opinion to what they have been led to believe through media, which could possible lead to them being defensive.

Also there are parents of teen children on here who share our opinion, but unfortunately their teens have swallowed the Transagender hook line and sinker, it was not the parents fault at all. But part of your post seemed to blame every parent of such a teenager. That was what I was high lighting.

Yes I am totally aware that a huge part of the LGB community wants the T removed. But again I stress for the average person they are probably completely unaware of this. (Thanks again to the TA getting such a voice and foot hold in media)

All I'm saying is it can take time for someone to do a complete about turn on what they thought they knew and understood.

I'm sorry if you thought that my post was referring to all parents of all teenagers. It was only referring to the OP. Indeed I have huge sympathy for the parents whose children have gender dysphoria - I thought my post made that clear. I think it's scandalous that there is so little support for child and adolescent metal health services .

I also agree that the OP wil need time and support, which is why I suggested couselling for her and her DH.

It's ok I think we both misunderstood each other

It's such a serious subject, with a lot of children's futures at stake, it's easy to forget to look at where someone else's starting point is.

Showandtell thats awful, I don't think I'd have managed to keep my mouth shut with such stupidity! completetly contradicting what I've just wrote