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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

I would appreciate some advice for a 7yo who identifies as F2m.

219 replies

Ginburee · 21/08/2017 21:13

My first ever thread despite having lurked for years.
My 7yo daughter (and yes we use pronouns ATM) has lived as a boy since she was 3/4. Wears nothing but clothes bought in the male section and plays with stereotypical boys toys.
We have been totally child led and supportive and now we are heading to junior school am on the edge- do I see the GP and get a referral or carry on as we are?
She desperately wants to be a boy but had never specifically said she is one but we had an almighty tantrum on holiday as she didn't want to wear the rash vest that went with her shorts and just wanted trunks.
I am really open to her seeing other people but have been having an email conversation with GP and they have no idea what to do with a trans child so will refer on.
I am heading into unknown territory, hubby is supportive to a point but thinks if we have a referral they will 'push more trans issues' and he feels we should carry on as we are.
My child easily passes for a boy and has an adaptable name that she has been using for the last few years.
I could really do with (a massive gin and a big hug) and some advice from people who have been there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginburee · 22/08/2017 00:08

Thank you Ledbury and Keep calm, without outing myself my kids all have a very good balance of role models in thier world.
When she had her hair cut she did it for sponsorship to a charity close to our hearts and donated it to the princess trust.
She was furious there wasn't a prince trust as boys are just as equal as girls (we did eventually reassure her it goes to children).

OP posts:
Cherrytart6 · 22/08/2017 00:08

Horrid Henry and horrible histories are not traditional boys things!

Cherrytart6 · 22/08/2017 00:11

She can be into all those things you've mentioned and still be 100% female. Although I know it's fashionable to read more into it.

GoldSpot · 22/08/2017 00:12

Ds has been at school with a girl who is very much as you have described your Dd. She has been one of his gang of friends - played football with him every lunch time, always in boys clothes or a football strip. They are all off to secondary school in September and she is now beginning to show an interest in more 'girlie' stuff. The parents have always just let her get on with it, while encouraging her interests. She has been extremely happy throughout her time at school. I really admire the parents.

Seven is SO young. Why do you feel the need to put a label on her at this age? Step back and let her be.

Original poster
Ginburee · 22/08/2017 00:16

My Sil bought an adventure story book for girls, she won't touch it- I read it aloud to her sister and I know she is listening but she has some very personal ideals.
When she had her hair cut it was a sponsorship for charity (her choice) and she wanted to donate her hair.
Was furious that there wasn't a little prince trust, appreciated that boys can have wigs too and reluctantly sent the hair off.
Sorry I can't answer all responses as D's is not settling.
I can say that I am trying so very hard and it is hard as her brother and sister refer to her as a boy as that is what she tells them to do.
All I wanted was some advice from people who have been in this situation or understand it in some way.

OP posts:
fucksakefay · 22/08/2017 00:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherrytart6 · 22/08/2017 00:20

The other point is that if you have truly provided a gender neutral environment, of course she will be less into traditional female stuff.

CosmicPineapple · 22/08/2017 00:22

it is hard as her brother and sister refer to her as a boy as that is what she tells them to do.

You need to correct them.
She is not a boy and never will be.
Do not lie to her it will cause so much damage.

Eragonsegg · 22/08/2017 00:24

Ah she's a child leave her be...i wanted to be a dog til I was 9 according to my mum!

Original poster
Ginburee · 22/08/2017 00:37

No Cherrytart I have not, sadly I have lots of issues with who does what but that is another thread
I have overcome a lot in the last few years and DD has seen a lot of women be amazing in her life, but still doesn't equate.
Fucksakefay good to hear but I am not planning that route, was just asking for advice.
Not sure re the trans children/gay link though.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 22/08/2017 00:50

If she really wants to be a boy, what perceived benefits would this bring?
Her tastes do not define her sex and her sex doesn't define her tastes. Liking Horrible Histories or whatever is by the by. My DS likes My Little Pony and those Rainbow Magic books and isn't looking to be a girl any time soon. Kirsten Stewart, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Watson and so on have rocked short hairdos without being a boy.

Has she got the impression that because her tastes are 'wrong' that she is 'wrong'?
Or does she want to be a boy because she wants something that boys have? More time with Dad? Get to play with cooler stuff? Is she actively rejecting girls stuff (but secretly listening in) because she thinks if she likes something girly she'll lose access to the boy stuff that she also likes? Or that she will be forced into girl roles?

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/08/2017 01:51

How on earth would she know at 4 or 7? Leave her alone til she's 16 she may change her mind.

Terfing · 22/08/2017 02:58

OP, you sound very caring and loving. I think you clearly want to do what is best for your children, and that's great.

I think there has been lots of sensible advice on 'tis thread already: relax and let your dd enjoy her childhood. She sounds like a great kid! Smile

OkPedro · 22/08/2017 03:29

I'd be very worried if my 7 yr old dd said "Boobs can be cut off" how could she possibly know this? if as you say she only has supervised internet access and you haven't spoken about it

AdalindSchade · 22/08/2017 03:34

You don't have a 'F2M' child. You have a daughter. How does a 7 year old know that women can have their breasts cut off? What do you say when she says that?
You need to stop encouraging her to think she can be a boy. She will never be a boy.

fucksakefay · 22/08/2017 06:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SummerflowerXx · 22/08/2017 06:09

I think BertieBotts advice is good - role models of girls and women who are not stereotypically female.

My DD who is now in her teens prefers straight legged jeans, checked shirts and jumpers. She read and watched Horrid Histories. She doesn't do nail varnish and make up. Etc. She is a young woman. Her brother watches My Little Pony and wants to wear nail varnish. He is a boy.

I wonder if there were less clearly delineated gender roles, the issue would be so stark. DS said to me when I got my hair cut short that I looked like a boy. He did a double take at a local girl with really short hair and a school skirt. We had to have the conversation that hair does not make a difference. But it strikes me that 30 years ago girls (and boys) would have had much greater variety of hair styles in the first place. There is something odd about how children are being pushed to conform to gender stereotypes and the only answer if they don't wish to is to think they are the opposite sex. You cannot be the opposite sex.

You have a great opportunity to bring up your DD as an individual human being, who has the confidence to express her own preferences.

fucksakefay · 22/08/2017 06:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JigglyTuff · 22/08/2017 06:29

Agree that watching that BBC doc with her is a good idea. We had a very interesting discussion afterwards about gender and sex and how one is real and the other is just social conditioning

Showandtell · 22/08/2017 06:45

Love all these stories of fabulous tomboy daughters!

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 22/08/2017 07:11

I have lots of issues with who does what

What do you mean by this?

How does your daughter see the women in her life treated? She doesn't sound like a boy, she sounds like someone who doesn't like her sex at all. I think that is the problem. That hasn't occurred in a vacuum.

Are the women she sees treated well, respectfully? Do they have authority?

Forgive me but that comment above struck me and I would love to hear what you meant by that.

I raised my daughter as a kid, not a girl. She is into science, history, football and knitting. She wears comfortable clothes and reads what she likes.

She is increasingly told that she must be male, by some adults and more worryingly by her peers. I am so worried that we have reduced the sexes to old fashioned stereotypes and we are medicating children who step outside the box.

Your sex does not define your personality.

Cherrytart6 · 22/08/2017 07:26

I dislike how many define being Female or male by traditional stereo types.

thethoughtfox · 22/08/2017 07:33

Nothing you have said suggests your child feels she is a boy. How much time have you spend talking / reading books about how girls can do do anything and wear anything a boy does?

Original poster
Ginburee · 22/08/2017 07:49

Thank you all for contributing, I'm going to have a good read of the thread and all links later, I was a bit tired and emotional last night.

OP posts:
YellowLawn · 22/08/2017 07:53

lara croft

  • def female but does lots of action stuff, wears practical clothing