Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

And that is a problem why, @Lifeislong1?

The nursery he was due to go to before breakup we had look at loads and discuss. Took us nearly a month to chooses sons name and we had to both be complatly happy..

Great

Both being completely happy about decisions affecting a joint child is the absolute norm.

Being the mother doesn’t give you a trump card.

Great 👍. This is parenting.

This is absolutely normal. It’s called parenting.

You discuss things with the other parent until you reach an agreement. In the process of this, one parent or the other may need to compromise.

You have made it clear that you want to make all the decisions for your child and are not willing to include your ex’s opinions in any decision, going as far as moving away to do everything possible to remove your ex from yours son’s life.

It sounds like you struggle to compromise or be flexible in any way.

If you had been willing and able to discuss, compromise and agree, the Court and Cafcass may not have needed to get involved.

You have brought this on yourself.

It's so frustrating.

You’re the one causing your own frustration

I can’t decide if you’re a troll or real and someone who should be pitied because we can all see that if you go in to court with this attitude you’re going to find yourself getting a very hard time and potentially not end up the primary carer. Have you got any friends or family you can ask opinions from? If not perhaps you should see if your local talking therapies (nhs provision) can offer support.

@Lifeislong1 what is frustrating? I made several points in my reply to you. What do you find frustrating?

As I said, it is normal to discuss parenting decisions with the other parent. Sometimes consensus might be reached quickly, but decisions such as choosing a child’s name can take several months of discussion.

My dh and I took a very long time to decide on DD’s name as we struggled to find one that we both liked. Neither of us had the right to make a unilateral decision so we just kept researching and discussing options until we found a name that we both agreed on.

Cuscus, Kaffcus, Cafcus... Not sure I believe a word of this thread... Can't believe so many have responded to this rubbish. Reported.

Why are you getting so irate? You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

It's so time consuming,

Then just let him make all the decisions - that will be nice and fast.

It is normal parenting to discuss decisions in your child's life. Yes it takes longer. No that is not a problem it is normal.

It sounds like you are very immature and not really ready for relationships let alone parenting.

I’m guessing you don’t do anything that requires any time and effort based on your constant 5 word replies!

He would always ask my opinion.

What does it matter how long it takes? These are important decisions being made in the best interest of your child by BOTH the people who have EQUAL responsibility. And don’t reply saying that you are the child’s primary carer. That is a situation you have engineered by moving away to deliberately limit/block your child’s access to his father. By limiting your ex’s access what you’re actually doing is seeking to stop/limit your child from having a secure and loving relationship with an incredibly important person in his life.

Perhaps it seems time consuming that’s because you seem incapable of having a clear and open discussion in order to reach a compromise. The person making it time consuming is you.

Sadly for you, this means that the courts are likely to intervene to set some firm rules which you will have to follow, regarding time spent with each parent, schooling agreements, healthcare arrangements etc. If you had behaved in a reasonable way to start with, you may have been left with more flexibility to decide things between you and your ex

However, your history has shown, and your responses on here continue to show that you are not capable of being reasonable or flexible.

But that is co parenting! Parents do that when they’re together!

it’s very rare if a child has 2 involved parents to have only 1 parent make all of the rules and decisions.

and it’s especially important when parents aren’t together for them to work together for their child.

clearly you just want to make all the decisions and for your ex to fall in line - selfish!

You're bitter because he “broke your heart” but apparently you “left him” so you want to hurt him by taking his son away from him. That is bad parenting

Isn't that great then? From the way you've described him, it sounds as if he's really trying hard to do the right thing by his son.

One more way in which your Ex is being far more reasonable than you.

This really is not going to look good for you in court.

I think the phrase “ banging your head against a brick wall” is apt here.

Christ. Do you know how much I wish my ex had cared enough about our DC to give an opinion rather than me having the burden of everything.
Being a grown up, and a parent, means discussing things with each other. Be grateful he loves your son and wants to be involved.

This is an eye opening.viewpoint

yeah right, the same viewpoint as everyone else said in thread 🤣