Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

What's difficult about wanting a relationship and 50/50 contact with his child?

You can work whilst your child is safely with his dad.

He’s your ex’s son too. Just because the relationship broke down doesn’t mean that you can unilaterally decide your ex doesn’t get to be a parent anymore. You chose to have a baby with this man and this is part of it, whether or not you two are still together.

If you continue to refuse mediation, discussion and compromise this could end up going very badly for you as it will look like parental alienation.

Can you give even one single reason why your ex shouldn’t be as involved in your child’s life other than “I don’t want to”?

He can see him on a weekend

He can tell the court when he would like to see his son.
You can't decide for him, OP.

Your intransigence isn’t going to get you what you want OP. It’s liable to blow up in your face. It’s better for your son to be with his father than in nursery. Wha5 difference does it make to you.

Equally could you!

He needs his mother

And he needs his father.

And if he’s at nursery he’s not with you anyway so that argument flies out the window.

I think you will be seen as the difficult one by the judge and your child’s father may be given much more than 50/50.
Caffcass will speak with you but they will also speak with your child’s father and then submit a report to the judge. With your attitude I can’t see it going well for you as you seem to think it is only what you want that matters. The judge will have a different perspective

This seriously cannot be genuine thread, unless the OP truly believes that her status as mother means she calls the shots and makes all the decisions, and that the father is not an equal parent, but has to be happy with whatever contact she is prepared to grant him.

Poor wee lad.

Can you tell me one reason that he needs his mother more than his father?

Weekends is not enough contact and your ex is willing to go part time to accommodate proper contact arrangements.

Try if you can to tell me why this is bad from your son's point of view?

Comfort, milk and primary carer.

All of which the father can supply !

Are you breastfeeding him?

She stated earlier “he breastfeeds at night sometimes”

He doesn’t need a mother who is keeping him from his father!

I agree he needs his mother. He needs a mother who is kind, caring and considerate and who is prepared to put his needs before her own. That means getting the father involved and accepting that your child will have a great time when he sees his dad, just as you want him to have a great time when he's with you. You can both make it work if you try, you just need to try.

Ah. I didn't see that.

OP when I was breastfeeding at night only, none of my children minded an occasional night when I wasn't there.

Comfort - dad can provide. He will have his own ways of cuddling and soothing your son if he can't sleep or trips and hurts his knee. Dad’s learn what works the same way mums do. My daughter cries for “Mumma” first everytime. She insists on me cuddling her if she's upset, even if her daddy is around. If she thinks I'm not there though, e.g. My husband goes to her in the night and says mummy’s sleeping, she accepts his comfort and settles down.

Milk - your son would be having cows milk at nursery or breastmilk you had pumped and provided. He can have both of these while being cared for by his dad if you provide pumped milk. Family court will not view “Comfort and milk” as reasons for dad not to have whole days or overnights.

Primary carer - you are the “main” carer for your son because you have moved 25miles away and refuse reasonable contact. This alone will make you look really bad when you go to court and is going to put the judge on your ex’s side, not yours. You should be doing everything you can right now to repair this and ensure the court sees dad still has a good amount of access.

You don't necessarily have to do overnights right now if you're not comfortable with that yet, but you would be wise to give him weekend access and the day of the week that you want to work. If you keep limiting access, you WILL be court ordered to hand over your son for more days and possibly overnights.

You would be wise to ask the many women here who have been through this painful and difficult process how they managed it. How did they cope on the days/nights their baby was with their father? What did they do to make peace with it and feel more at ease? What did they ask the father to have in place at their house to keep things familiar and routines the same? When did they start doing overnights?

Son stays over at ex's once a month, I hate it.

It is not all about you though, it's about what is best for your son, the child that is both of yours.

It is infuriating seeing your short responses to comments that are all about you with no thought to what is best for your son.

It is not about you- it’s about your son.

You’d rather spite his Dad by putting him in nursery to keep him away from him, than let him be with his own Father who clearly loves him and is bending over backwards to make himself available to have his son as much as possible.

Behaving like you are comes across as incredibly selfish and unreasonable and I’d be unsurprised if the court found in his favour and he ends up being the primary carer with you being ‘allowed access.’

Put your child first.

You’re going to hate it even more when the judge grants his father at least 50/50

Comfort - his father can provide.
Milk - occasionally breastfeeding is not going to weigh heavily in a courts decision.
Primary carer - once again this is not a thing.

Again this is about you not your son.

You moved away and made coparenting harder.
You are limiting contact to a ridiculous degree.
You have walked out on meditation. Twice.
You are focused on your emotions.

Your ex has offered to move closer to make it work.
He has engaged in mediation.
He has found a way to go part time to allow for proper contact.

Can you see how bad this looks on you?