Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

The court will not care about this. If he wants to look after him instead of nursery the court will definitely agree to that.

Which he is fully entitled to do since he also has parental responsibility. You may have assumed the role of primary carer but only by restricting the opportunity he has, not by his choice or agreement.

If you want your ds to go to nursery it would be as an alternative to you spending time with ds, not to undermine ex time with him.

from your posts, it’s apparent that you don’t want ex to be involved in your (shared) son’s life. And you don’t seem to have a good reason for that other than you don’t want it.

cafcass and any judge will see that and will make a determination based on what’s best for your son.

From an outsiders pov, it’s clear that the more involved your ex is in his sons life, the better it will be for the child.

you’re playing a very risky game OP.

So in summary your objection to your ex having more time with your child, that you chose to create with him, is that you don’t like it. And in response to his request for mediation and to talk to you about your decision making, which from this post is pretty questionable, you reduced his contact, forcing him to go to court? And let’s not forget that you moved without notifying him and it seems accused him falsely of emotional abuse, since your only suggestion of abusive behaviour on his part was questioning your decision making. Exactly how did you think this would go for you? Do you think the court will look at you and think what a reasonable woman, of course we should listen to her?

I'm taking him to court regarding the nursery. I never wanted to do mediation or go to court, he made me do it by not agreeing.

YOU applied to court?? You are unbelievably foolish

It is absolutely awful if the solicitor has said to claim DV if none has happened! Is this the case, OP, not clear and haven't read FT.

Awful for the kid and dad in this case, specifically.

And awful for anyone whose partner has hit them if they're not believed.

That’s an interesting pov. “He made me do it” by not giving you your own way. Just wanting something different does not make him wrong or abusive.

I needed to return to work,

You are putting your son in nursery to keep him away from his father
you moved away to keep him away from his father
you refuse to give your son decent time with his father to keep them apart.

you are being hugely selfish.

you won’t speak to him to discuss your son
you won’t go to mediation to discuss your son

the only outcome here is that court will grant your ex at least 50/50 custody of your (joint) son

i hope the judge gives your ex resident parent status and grants you less than 50% access to your child, because you are going to ruin that boy’s life

Connecting the dots of your behaviour on this thread I suspect that you grew up with SEND and your parents allowed you your own way in everything because they didn't want to trigger a meltdown.

Well, your child isn't a toy in a shop and you can't just fling yourself on the floor and scream until you get your own way.

I am the primary carer.and I want to remain primary carer..

You’re really not taking anything in that anyone has said on here.

you are only the primary carer because you have moved away and prevent your ex from seeing his son!

think about how you would feel if he did that to you… that’s what you’ve done to him.

your son is not your possession

Op, you’re not taking on board anyone’s help though and the very thing you’re doing is hugely risking you not staying as your son’s primary carer. Being a parent is putting the needs of your child before your own but you don’t seem to want to see any other view other than what you want which it is not about. The focus on all this should be your son, not I want this, I want that

I fear if you don’t come around to compromising, you’ll f* around and find out the hard way

It’s a shame for you then that you appear to be doing everything in your power to persuade the court you’re not the better parent.

Maybe you should have organised a sperm donor then through a clinic, you could have been a single parent.

Instead, you got pregnant by someone else and now you have to share. Your son will learn how to do that at nursery.

No you’re not.

You've removed your child and decided you are the primary carer.

Currently - by law - you aren’t.

Your XDP wants equal care.

You are either going to have to work something out so you do share care equally or 60:40 or something or he may take the child and refuse to return them deciding he’s the primary carer.

Or the judge is going to decide. They will aim for shared care unless they decide you aren’t able to care for the child with his best interests at heart and they may decide your XDP should be primary carer.

I want I want I want. Your attitude really is quite disgusting. Your son has a loving dad who wants to play an active part in it but you, for no reason other than spite it seems, refuse it and try and ensure he just quietly goes away. I hope he wins in court and gets full custody to be honest, I don’t think someone with your attitude can really be a good mum as you are 100% about yourself and not even giving passing thought to your child’s feelings or wellbeing. Absolutely disgraceful woman.

Please do come back and update us after the court date.

You're really not actually taking on board replies. This is all about what you want and making sure your ex doesn't get time with his child
Nothing to do with a fair compromise that works for him too, as your child's other parent.

I suspect it's you that's difficult not your ex

Do you come from a country where ‘primary carer’ means something it doesn’t in the UK? A court here will start with 50:50 as the given if both parents want to be involved and are deemed suitable. Your son has a right to a relationship with both his parents and your wishes/wants/needs are irrelevant. The fact you’re actually arguing a nursery is better for your son that being with his father is insane given that there is no safeguarding concern whatsoever it is purely you being spiteful and wanting to keep him away from his dad. Honestly, even if his dad was working on his contact days and son had to attend a nursery by him then only get mornings and evenings with his dad, a court would prefer this to not having contact time with his dad. Most 50:50 custody involves working parents and some childcare, there is no legal presumption that you get custody just because you are/aren’t at work on any given day.

your son is going to end up living with his dad 50:50 and quite possibly more than that if you continue blocking his right to a relationship with his dad. His dad poses no threat to him whatsoever, you simply don’t love his dad anymore. That is a despicable reason to deprive a child of their father!

If this is true, if anything the evidence suggests that she is the abusive one. To punish him for wanting to be involved in decisions, she is trying to take away his son.

Wanting to be involved in decisions, is not abuse.

I get why her heart is aching at the thought though.

even though it isn't right, even though it's probably wrong.
I get why it causes the angst.