Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

Yes but there WILL be a CAO at the end of this process, which you will have to stick to whether you like it or not

A CAO is a child arrangement order - this is what will be ordered by a judge if you continue your ridiculous behaviours and your ex takes you to court

Exactly, this is where things are headed by your reluctance to consider your ds best interest. Others will do it for you and you will have to make it work. Why is nursery preferable to his f looking after him? Just because you keep control and do the drop off and collection? You could still do so on “your” time but during “his” time it would be his choice. Bear in mind many future decisions will require the agreement of both parents, or the court determines. It will be a very rough time of it if you persist with this attitude throughout your ds childhood.

So, he would only attend nursery when I'm working. I would look after him on the other days. Ex wants to not work days I'm working and look after my son.staying at his house.

You are only seeing Cafcass because your ex has already applied to court. Cafcass are there to represent the child, not you, not him. They will make recommendations on what they see as best for the child, not you, not him.

A judge will make the decision, not Cafcass, but will take their report into account. The courts favour co-parenting as being best for the child, unless there's a risk to the child. Parental alienation is a risk.

Have you ever heard the phrase "shooting yourself in the foot"? That's what you are doing. With the way you are behaving, you may be lucky to get 50/50. The court may decide your ex is the only one considering your child's needs and rights, so the better parent and you a risk to your child's emotional wellbeing, and award him most of the time, and you visitation.

Courts deal with this type of scenario ALL the time. They’ve already seen and heard every manipulative trick in the book that mothers use to cut fathers out of childrens lives. The court will see that you’ve made things difficult by putting 25 miles between your son and his father, hoping he’d give up trying to visitor lose interest. They will see that you’ve agreed to further mediation in order to look good, but then pulled out of it because you had no intention of negotiating. They will see that you’ve applied to put your son into nursery on days his father is available and wanting to look after him. They will see that you’re refusing to let him take care of your son when you're at work and are registering him for nursery to spite your ex, hoping that the court won't want to disrupt his nursery placement.

With the way you are behaving, they will see a hurt, selfish and emotionally manipulative woman taking her anger out on her ex by withholding their child, and given that this is emotional abuse of not just your ex but YOUR CHILD, I wouldn't be surprised if a judge ordered 50:50 custody and for social services to watch you like a hawk.

You mentioned that your son cries when your ex brings him back home. Of course he does. He's had a wonderful time with his Daddy and doesn't want that day to end - he hardly sees him. If it they saw each other on a regular basis, your son would feel more secure coming home, knowing he would be seeing Daddy again soon.

Stop using your child as a weapon to hurt your ex.

Stop hurting your poor baby by trying to cut his daddy out of his life.

Stop keeping him away from grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. If you died tomorrow, wouldn't it be reassuring to know that this extended family wouldn't be brand new and scary to him? That he would at least feel comfort with some familiar faces?

If I were you, I would be shit scared of this going to court. You could end up with either a 50:50 arrangement ordered upon you, or you could (because of your manipulative behaviour) lose custody of your son altogether and get weekend visits.

All of this is avoidable if you’re brave now and agree to regular access. At the moment, you have a chance to propose how many days/nights he spends with his dad per week and you could negotiate when they are to suit you both. If you let this go to court you WILL lose control of how many days/nights and what days of the week they are. The court will decide for your son.

Wake up. Sort it out before it's too late.

Which seems a perfectly reasonable arrangement.

And what is wrong with that?
FREE childcare by someone who genuinely loves your son and would do everything in their power to protect them. Happy baby because he gets to see his daddy.
Where's the issue?

It's ONE day a week and not even overnight.

So your ex would be able to see and spend time with his son on the days you are working, saving you nursery fees and allowing him time with his child.

you are against this because you are clearly still bitter about the break up and you are using your child as a weapon to hurt your ex!

this will not go well for you when (not if) this goes to court!

In means his involvement, which I do not want. He will want to discuss things as well.

Will probably get deleted and banned but op you need to know what a vile disgusting piece of shit you are , one day your child will see you for what you are enjoy the years of no contact

Your child’s father became involved when you got pregnant. His involvement isn’t optional for you now - he’s there and he isn’t going anywhere and you need to accept that straightaway.

Also, the fact he wants to discuss things is perfectly reasonable - he has a say in how his child is brought up - all those things are not just your decisions to make. If you don’t like it, that’s tough, you’d better get over it.

It makes no difference whether that’s what you want or not.

He is just as much the child’s parent as you. What he wants carries the same weight as what you want.

You want legal advice on how best to cut your ex out of your Childs life, not because he's a bad dad, but because you just don't want to see or talk to him anymore.

It takes two to make a baby.

This child is as much his as he is yours.

You don't get to cut him out because you “do not want” his involvement or advice.

Drip
Drip

OP - in 18 pages of chat, not one person has told you you’re doing the right thing - don’t you think that’s worth thinking about? Just maybe you’re in the wrong here?

Op my mum did exactly the same growing up and our relationship never recovered, I chose to move in with my dad permanently and it left me with attatchment issues so I’ve always grown up to think when parents do this they think they’re hurting the other parent but actually the only person they hate is their own child

I was 19 when I had my son and did end up becoming a single parent but I’ve always encouraged contact and split christmasses. Me and my sons dad alternate one of us having xmas eve and Xmas day morning then alternate every year because it’s all about what is best for your child and they will grow up secure and knowing that they were supported.

What you’re doing is genuinely going to achieve the opposite of what you want. Family courts take a dim view of parental alienation especially because of the mental effects to the children and dads are now more supported to be equal parents. Parental alienation is abuse to the child. You don’t want him involved or discussions but by a child arrangements order going through, you would lose that control. Every important decision about your child will have to be agreed with by his dad and you won’t get to decide what days you have your child. You will not have any agency really in flexibility and the court will decide and not you. They will also order arrangements for Christmas, birthdays and holidays so again you will lose that flexibility. You woukd have been much better making a compromise in mediation but the fact you declined to engage in mediation further also will not look favourable by a judge. I guess I just wanted to highlight that by acting how you are, is going to lead to a less favourable outcome than you actually want, and other posters are correct that he could be made the resident parent if they decide you’re not acting in the best interests of your child. It’s not your decision to make, regardless of what happened between you and your ex, isn’t a deciding factor to your child and you really risk destroying your relationship with your child

What is the reason you are so adamant he should not be involved in caring for and making decisions about your child?

I don't think she's drip fed anything

It's been the same message since the start of the thread from her!

Im the primary carer and I've moved.

🙄

That's absolutely not a reason for the child's father not to get 50/50 custody.

It is pratically if he's at nursery.

My sister’s mum did this to our dad. Contact minimised to the point that she didn't see him for fifteen years.

Twice now, I’ve written my story out so you can see exactly what she did and the impact it had on my sister growing up.

I've decided that you're actually a wicked enough person that you probably wouldn't care about the huge life-long ways that this would impact your son, and that you'd probably just use what I tell you to successfully erase your own ex from the picture altogether. So I won't tell you what she did.

But know this, she didn't “win”.

When she was 17, my sister tracked us down and made contact with my dad. She had questions, namely, “Why didn't you fight for me?”

He did, and he had all the paperwork to prove it.

My sister HATES her mother for lying and keeping them apart all these years.

They no longer speak and she has never met her grandchildren.

Enjoy the baby years. When your child grows up and realises what you’ve done he's going to despise you.

No it is not. You moved to prevent contact. You put your son in nursery to prevent contact. You have repeatedly shown on this thread that you have no interest in what is best for your son. And you are not listening to the many people who are responding to you. This is going to go very badly for you.