Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

That is what Cafcass is for, to recommend an arrangement in the interest of a best resolution for the child not the parents. You will just have to make it work.

Of course the CAFCASS adviser wanted to find a solution. They wanted to find the solution that is best for your child. That is what they are supposed to do. I'm not surprised you don't like it given that you want to prevent your son having contact with the father and grandparents he adores. They are doing what you seem to be incapable of doing - looking at what is best for your child. You have not given a single good reason on this thread for depriving your child of contact with his father. Unless you have clear evidence that CAFCASS' findings are flawed, the courts are likely to follow their recommendations. You not liking them does not mean they are flawed.

As @whattodoforthebest2 says, if you fail to follow a court order, you will get into trouble. It could lead to your son living with his father with you having limited contact.

You need to listen to what you've been told on here, stop thinking only about yourself and start putting your son first.

You can't just "say no".

They're there to find a solution which is in your son's best interests.

I had a solution nursery, so frustrating that ex objected

You have misunderstood they are there to find a solution to ensure that the child has meaningful, healthy and safe contact with both parents.
They are there to where ever possible ensure that parents co-parent both being allowed to input into tk decisions about school and health etc.
They think only about what is best for the child to grow up having a good relationship with both parents.

I suggest you read and absorb what you are being told here.everything you are saying demonstrates that you are unable to put your son's needs first, you are only thinking of yourself, and are happy to hurt your son in the process. You fail to see his father as an equal parent. You are trying to prevent your son having contact with his wider family. How can you be so selfish? Your son is not your possession, he is a little boy that you are not considering at all in this. This makes you an inadequate parent.

You need a new solicitor - one who does not advise you to lie in court to damage your son.

This attitude will go very badly for you in court. Very. You risk losing a lot if you continue down this line.

That is a solution for your childcare issue, not to facilitate a relationship between your dc and his df. Cafcass is about the latter.

Your 'solution' does not take your son's best interests in to account. It is about your interests. Caffcass looks at what is best for your son which is having a meaningful relationship with both parents.

I don't think she can absorb it. I feel sorry for the cafcass officer trying to get a handle on this one.

You have made it clear on this thread that this is your solution to stopping your son seeing the father he adores. Unless there was evidence that contact with his father put your son at risk, CAFCASS and the courts will want to see a solution that allows your son to have a reasonable amount of contact with his father, not the minimal amount you are giving him. Please stop thinking about yourself and start putting your son first. If you don't, this will go very badly for you.

Your solution isn’t a solution though. It’s a way for you to keep your son away from his father.

the problem isn’t him seeing his father, the problem is him not seeing his parents equally.

The problem that CAFCASS want a solution for isn't that you don't want your son away from you or that you need childcare.

The problem is that your son deserves to have two parents in his life and one parent is actively trying to block the involvement of the other.

The problem is you.

I'm the primary carer, he wants to be primary carer

It's probably a good thing if he is. He, at least, might actually have your son's best interests at heart (you clearly do not).

No, it sounds like he wants to be the joint carer.

but I agree that it sounds like it would be best for your son if he became the primary carer.

You’re currently primary carer because you took your son and moved him
away from his father and have limited contact.

Equal parents is the aim.

As you have been repeatedly told there is no such thing as primary carer. Ideally it is 50 / 50 although the way you are responding to people here suggests that you would not be able to do that sensibly. In which case if I were the judge I would trust your ex to actually be more appropriate for more of the time.

I cant believe this thread is real. When your kid is a bit older and understands how you tried to prevent his relationship with his dad you will be lucky if he doesnt decide to go live with his dad himself.

The more you try to block shared care, the more likely it is that the court WILL make him primary carer and you'll end up with every other weekend!

This is what I told caffcus that I thought he wanted to be the primary carer.

He wants to be part of his child’s life the same way you are - that is very different to what you have said you want.

Even from your own account your Ex has offered compromises and workable solutions consistently which you turn down. There seems no evidence that he is trying to cut you out and a lot of evidence of you trying to cut him out.

What you are is one of two parents. As a starting point, you are equal, but this thread indicates you are not a competent parent so I would say you will probably end up having less time with your child.

Cuffcus have said he doesn't want to be primary carer.

CAFCASS will make a determination based on the child's needs, not your desires.