Child issue

[Lifeislong1]

Hi, gone through a seperation from partner and we have toddler together. I moved out of his property and into mine due to relationship failing. This involved a 25 miles and I didn't tell him about it in advance and as a result he's not happy and .is trying to see child as often as possible and pushing for more access. I currently allow him to seems on every weekends for 8 and overnight once a month. He has pushed forward with mediation and prevented me registering child at nursery.stating PR and saying he could care for child meaning moving towards shared care 50/50.As a result we are heading to court and I wanted to know how the court is likely to look at this, I filed a specific issues order and he counted, I will struggle not having son with me and my solicitor told me to claim DV. Thanks

What’s not right? That he wants to spend time with his child?

Why? He has tried to compromise at every turn. You have been very unreasonable and make this more likely every time you refuse to allow him in your sons life.

Nothing you have said about his behaviour on this thread suggests he is trying to do this to you. You, on the other hand, are doing this to him. It would not be right for him to do it to you, but it is equally not right for you to do it to him. And the person who is losing out most because of your behaviour is your son. You've told us he adores his dad and grandparents, but you persist in trying to cut them out of his life completely.

Caffcus seem to suggest that he think that it should be completely fair and child shouldn't be in nursery as we would both be part time.

Yes, and?

No, it is what you are currently doing to your child's dad. It is incredibly cruel and selfish of you to deny your poor son time with his dad.

At 16 months, your child doesn't need to be in nursery. He has two parents who are able to care for him equally (if they both make an effort) and he will thrive with equal contact with both of you.

It sounds as if your ex is being perfectly reasonable and is putting his child's needs above everything else. He should be applauded for that and I suspect CAFCASS and the court will agree with his suggestion. You will have to adjust your circumstances to fit in with that, after all it was you that has persisted in making things difficult for your ex and that will be evident to everyone involved.

For your own sake, it's time to stop being obstructive and start being helpful.

Yes because the only reason you want him in nursery is to limit his time with his Dad.

Not because you are losing time with him, because if he's in nursery he's not with you anyway, but purely to spite his father and deprive your son of a loving parent.

Why and how did you come to be so selfish towards your own flesh and blood?

If he's in nursery, I see him in the evening and morning rather than him being with ex.

Well you'll have to find something else to entertain yourself with rather than relying on your baby to be your emotional crutch.

Yes and you're just going to have to get over it. Separated parents don't get to see their children every day. That's life.

Am I the only one who is concerned about the welfare of the child with his controlling mother

Your sons dad has as much right as you and allowing him to have his own son once a month will be looked at poorly by the courts.
50/50 should be the starting point and I say that as someone who separated with small children 18 years ago

No, not the only one. I think it's unlikely to meet the threshold for supervised contact only unfortunately.

You chose to change that the day you upped and moved 25 miles away without even informing your ex.

He also wants to see HIS child evenings and mornings.

Therefore you have to share residence for you both to be able to do that - because you left.

And that will be great for your son, to have equal time with both of his parents, and not just his controlling mother

Don’t bother wasting your breath everyone. OP is totally convinced she’s in the right even when 200 people have told her she’s being a controlling awful mother.

This feels not right, should I say no to kiffkas?

You can say whatever you want, it will all be written down and presented in court to demonstrate that you are uncooperative and controlling.

If you continue then you'll probably end up with less than 50% of the time because it will be clear you're trying to alienate your child from his father.

True. But if she carries on like this, it's pretty likely that it won't be 50:50, but rather the dad having the child most of the time, and the selfish mother just getting alternate week contact.

Yes. Based on the posts so far it appears the OP has cognitive issues of some sort so it's unlikely she'll have the ability to spin this positively in court. She's certainly not being smart about her actions now.

You are surely winding us up now. But just in case you are serious, the more you say “no” the less reasonable you will look and the more likely a CAO go against your “wants”. Make your peace with it now. You may even find a different use for a regular free evening.

Say what you like to cafcass, they will make their recommendations on what is best for your son. Something you are clearly incapable of doing

OP I think you believe that somewhere along the way between discussions with CAFCASS and going to court, you will end up having a choice. Believe me, you will have no choice at all - you will have to do what the court decides. If you don’t obey their ruling, that’s called “contempt of court” and you’ll get yourself in serious trouble if you don’t do what they tell you to do. From now on, you are not the one in control, CAFCASS will make recommendations and the court will make the final decision. It will be out of your hands and there won’t be anything you can do about it.

Now is the time to behave responsibly and put your child’s welfare first.

*caffcus, I didn't feel the officer wanted anything.other.tgsnt o find a.solution, however not great, worried