Imagine your ex had done this to you.
Imagine that, without telling you, he had moved your son 25 miles away from you.
Imagine only being allowed to see your son for 8 hours each weekend.
Imagine only being able to have your son once a month overnight.
Imagine being threatened that this once a month sleepover might also soon stop. Imagine how it would feel having to face never being able to have your son sleep over for the night. Never doing the bedtime routine. Never getting to hear him squeal with delight at bath bubbles and ducks or feel him snuggle in for a story before bed.
Imagine being told that on the rare occasion you are “allowed” to see your sweet angel, you’re not allowed to take him to see your parents and he cannot get to know his cousins - just because his dad says so.
Imagine, loving and missing your son so much that you change your work schedule in order to make yourself more available, but, despite being willing to drive to see him, your ex denying you this opportunity to spend time together.
Imagine how much it would hurt knowing that strangers were taking care of your son in a nursery setting instead of him spending time with you, despite you being available.
Imagine loving this little boy so very much, having been around him everyday, and then having NO say in his life from here on. Imagine your every suggestion being deliberately ignored.
Imagine how utterly helpless you'd be to improve his life or protect him. You wouldn’t be able to ensure he had the very best medical care because your opinion wouldn’t be asked, you wouldn’t get to ensure he had a wide range of experiences because you wouldn’t get a say in them. You wouldn’t get to feel secure in the knowledge that the nursery setting you’d picked was one both parents felt he was safe in because you wouldn’t have been consulted. You couldn’t influence his diet, bedtime, daily routines.
You are barely offering your baby’s father a hint of being a parent. Just imagine how absolutely soul destroying this would be for you if the shoe was on the other foot and he had done this to you and this was your reality.
It would be so much harder than doing the responsible, mature thing and deciding that even though you will miss him on the nights he stays with his dad, your son is benefiting from the love, time and attention of both of his parents, whom he no doubt loves very much.
You’re a mum. It doesn’t matter how you feel about your ex or how badly he broke your heart. Your feelings in this situation are irrelevant, and your sons are everything. If he’s a good dad, and you’ve given us nothing to indicate that he’s not, then your son deserves to have his dad in his life as much as he sees you.
It will suck not having your son ALL the time. But restricting access because you don’t like the man doesn’t just hurt your ex. It will hurt your son. If you carry on, you’ll have a very emotionally unsettled little boy and huge behaviour issues on your hands.
You’re a mum.
Put your big girl pants on and agree to a plan that allows your son to spend a decent amount of quality time with his dad each week.
Your son deserves the world. Give it to him. Don't half it.