DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

[Stressedoutmybox]

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

From experience (on settings I don't wish to disclose here) I have seen police say you don't need a solicitor at this stage, it's just a chat. And I say you should get a solicitor anyway even if it is just a chat. Usually met with eye rolls from the officers.

They won’t know whether he needs a solicitor until their initial investigations are completed. At the moment he doesn’t need a solicitor, he’s been asked to not attend an activity until they investigate which is for his protection as much as for any potential victim. Their initial enquiries may not come to anything in which case he still won’t need a solicitor, or may not result in a criminal process, in which case he still won’t need a solicitor.

If they need to interview him, or charge him then he’ll need a solicitor. Until then, he doesn’t need one.

Firstly, you can’t just stop anxiety - what a ridiculous and uninformed comment.

How does anyone know if he’s done anything inappropriate when no one can be arsed to tell the OP

It doesn’t sound like any crime is suspected

I would put money on some over sensitive idiot has been offended by the truth - so little Timmy might not have done anything wrong apart from not understand the world is full of oversensitive idiots. We just don’t know. The inaction of the police suggests there’s no crime (ie you would have expected the son to be cautioned by now pending further investigation) Tge talk of workshops suggests the SS and school have decided his “guilt” of this “crime” so want to jump in with re indoctrination.

My money is on someone being offended by something the son has done

You must make sure he has a solicitor for any conversation with the police whether they bill it as an "informal chat" or a voluntary interview or an interview after arrest. I won't give any advice here but this is my field and he must have representation. It is free and confidential. You can ring up a local solicitor specialising in crime - the Law Society website will list them, or you can ask for the duty solicitor. Don't listen to lots of the advice on here, quite a lot is well-meaning but wrong. Speak to a solicitor directly. If they try and discuss it at school tell him not to discuss it without you present and to insist on having you there.

"Anxiety is pointless."

Yes yes it is, but it's also an overwhelming release of chemicals in your brain that can't be switched off at will.
Horrible to experience.

Op if it was me I'd be checking out DS's phone to see if there was any clues on there as to what this might be about. I'd want to see if he was going down any rabbit holes online.

I know its been said already @Stressedoutmybox but do NOT allow your son to be interviewed without a solicitor present.

They can’t tell you what it is about until they have spoken to your son, mainly because if you know before he’s questioned you could possibly tell him how to answer?

I think you need to sit tight and wait. If it was something that serious he would have been taken in for questioning as soon as the allegation was made?

As a parent to 2 autistic teens I totally understand your concerns.

I agree with others who are saying it’s likely he has said something offensive to someone, something racist, homophobic or similar? If it was a sexual or physical assault I would have thought he would have been questioned sooner?

Ah, thank you, that makes it clearer. A couple of years ago a relative was asked to attend a voluntary interview at the police station in connection with some alleged damage to a neighbours’ car. They were told that a solicitor wasn’t necessary but they could choose to have one present. They declined. The interview ran long and the relative was expected back at work - when they said they would need to leave, they were told that they risked arrest if they did so. They were later advised that it was unwise to have attended the interview without legal representation.

Hi All, I'm reading all the replies which are much appreciated, I'm just taking another family member to an appointment and will reply more. I've reached out to a couple of solicitors, can't seem to find one who specialises in 'youth crime' though but one is going to call me back. I have legal cover with home insirance but it doesn't cover matters like this unfortunately.

They said it was in regards to an incident that happened some time ago but had only just been recently reported. Throughout all the time he has still been going to the water polo club. The fact a meeting has already been held with so many people is concerning me, that it's taking place before we have any idea what's alleged to have happened - so he's already guilty?! That is taking up a lot of people's time and effort otherwise. I've barely slept in the past 10 days and lost weight from not eating with the stress.

If they (social work) say the police want to come and chat to us all - then I am ok to ask if they can just talk to us, first off, without DS so we know what's going on? And if they want to 'just chat' to DS then we will meet them at the station to do it, with a solicitor? It's all so confusing as the social worker said she spoke to the police and they said to her we wouldn't need one.

This is not correct. There should be disclosure before any questioning.

The police might say you don't need one, but you might want one.

None of you accept an informal conversation without a solicitor none of you.

There’s no harm in having a recorded conversation at a police station with legal representation. There is potential harm for you not doing so.

Re this I have legal cover with home insirance but it doesn't cover matters like this unfortunately @Stressedoutmybox your son will be entitled to legal aid for any criminal matter due to his age. The solicitor will advise you more fully.

I’m surprised the club welfare officer didn’t notify you as a first step. Have you looked at WavePower on Swim England’s website as water polo is covered by them.

OP I’ve sent you a PM

It’s definitely not a jump to an assumption that hes guilty just because the various agencies have had a meeting.

It’s more of a best practise approach to come up with a sensible plan to deal with a situation. Whatever that situation might be.

eg. One club member makes a passing comment to another club member about person X always trying to look down their swim suit.

This then gets repeated. Coaches geberally have very clear safeguarding protocols that say everything needs to be referred to professionals. Even if think there’s nothing in it.

Professionals meet to come up with a sensible plan on way forward (rather than jump straight into criminal processes - which would be the default, but also thoroughly unhelpful if the likelihood is it isn’t).

If there’s a clear indication of a criminal issue then things tend to jump straight to police interview and skip the multi professional meeting stage.

Don’t speak to them without a solicitor op! I wouldn’t trust the police saying you don’t need one

Absolutely this.

@Stressedoutmybox please put this on the legal branch. What you are getting here is a lot of knee jerk responses from people with no legal background or qualifications.

While you can never be certain that a poster is legally qualified, at least there's more chance of informed advice on that branch, where qualified people do hang out.

My guess would be that if the police are going to come to your house to speak to you or your son and there have already been meetings with workshops etc. discussed, then they have decided to deal with it other than by way of a criminal investigation, which is why they are saying he doesn't need a solicitor. If they suspected him of something and were carrying out a criminal investigation then they would have to caution him and they would interview him at the police station with all the rights and obligations that come with that (duty solicitor, appropriate adult etc.). So I would take comfort from that, at least - it sounds like they have decided to deal with whatever it is outside of the criminal process.

I think that’s a bit naive. I’ve not read anybody claiming to have legal expertise. People should always take Internet forums advice with a pinch of salt
90% of the replies appear to be advising taking legal advice from a legally qualified solicitor

This!!! In spades.

The police will be gathering evidence. If they haven't made an arrest theyre looking into it, and anything he says could be additional evidence.

Hes under 18 so should not be spoken to without an appropriate adult. And you need to ensure anything he says when speaking to them is under advice of a solicitor.

Dont agree to anything without legal advice.

It’s best practice to have a multi-agency meeting, it’s not about presuming guilt, it’s to agree how any investigation will work.

For example, they’ll decide who is going to interview any alleged victims - where I am there’s a specialist team who interview child victims using specialist processes. They’ll decide where the interview will take place and who will support that process. It’s not unusual for interviews to take place in a familiar place, which might be the child’s school hence education being invited. They’ll decide when to speak to your son, who will also need a appropriate adult.

They don’t be able to tell you what the allegation is before they tell your son, because you may coach him in what to say. You or his dad can act as his appropriate adult, and be present during his interview but it’s sometimes better to have someone more objective.

It’s a horrible place to be, but try your best not to second guess what’s going to happen. Do seek legal advice and don’t agree to him speaking to police without a solicitor present.

If he speaks to them at the station and says something incriminating they could then arrest him then. Not arrested yet doesnt mean he wont be, so do not agree to that without legal representation and an appropriate adult