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Original poster

DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

323 replies

Stressedoutmybox · 22/12/2025 22:44

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

OP posts:
Notsandwiches · 17/01/2026 06:42

How old was your son at the time of the alleged incident?

Climbinghigher · 17/01/2026 06:42

Stressedoutmybox · 17/01/2026 00:17

Sorry for lack of posts, I've been trying to put it to the back of my mind (unsuccessfully!!). I've got an indication of what's going on - it's enough to put me into a blind panic (along lines of close contact - apparently not due to nature of the sport).

OP it might be worth getting in touch with someone like communicourt who could help support your son with his communication challenges. I’m not sure they can help with the ipolice interviews or whether they on deal with cases that go to court but they may be able to recommend who to contact to support in police interviews

www.communicourt.co.uk

Original poster
Stressedoutmybox · 17/01/2026 10:19

Thank you ☺️ He was 15 at the time.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 17/01/2026 14:11

@Stressedoutmybox

Just listen to your solicitor and let them handle things as much as possible. They're the experts and know what's what.

OhDear111 · 17/01/2026 22:34

How could “close contact” (and we can imagine what as it’s not rape) be anything other than a report of an incident. I’m at a loss to know what could be proved? Unless they have tv evidence? It’s surely two versions of a story? Was it messing about that went too far?

mcmooberry · 28/01/2026 15:43

OP am just commenting to offer sympathy for this nightmare. Glad the interview will be in the near future, this hanging over you is unbearable.

OhDear111 · 28/01/2026 17:21

@Stressedoutmybox Have you met with solicitor yet?

Original poster
Stressedoutmybox · 28/01/2026 22:34

Hi, so we have met the solicitor today ahead of the interview. She was great with DS - and kept it very clear and straightforward for him. He was shocked and scared when we told him what was going on but was very brave in the meeting, had a few tears but understood what he needs to do to get through the next steps. Still don't know exact details - won't know till interview. Still feel like I'm in a weird parallel universe

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 28/01/2026 22:48

@Stressedoutmybox so more of a procedural meeting then.

Original poster
Stressedoutmybox · 29/01/2026 00:08

Yes - just wanted DS to meet them first so that it wouldn't be a stranger, so to speak, and to go through the whole process.

OP posts:
ZeroFuches · 29/01/2026 18:38

That was a great plan, good luck with the next steps. I'm so relieved you have a decent solicitor on board. Hoping this nightmare is over soon for you, sending hugs xx

TonyTheImpala · 30/01/2026 00:06

I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can very much sympathise with the horrid thud of shock each morning when you realise the awful thing is still happening. I truly hope you get some good news soon. It does seem that the punishment is in the process regardless of the outcome at times.

WeightLossGoal2024 · 01/02/2026 00:56

I’m glad they have made a good impression on you both. Stay strong and good luck

Catgotyourbrain · 01/02/2026 14:01

Just wanted to say that when we had to go through something similar the duty solicitor was actually the person I had looked up to us if we’d had to pay. She was absolutely AMAZING- brilliant with my petrified DC and briefed us and reassured us and took no shit. She arranged to give me a signal if it was ok for me to talk - as I had something particular to say.

The police were obviously trained to deal with teenagers and were very sensitive too.

I hope you have similar experience.

OhDear111 · 01/02/2026 15:40

We found the police had no idea about anything to do with teens. They were specialist officers but could not have cared less about age. Certainly in terms of representation, they didn’t say she could have anyone.

Original poster
Stressedoutmybox · 02/02/2026 23:06

All done. The sense of relief is unreal. DS did exactly as she instructed him - she was great. There were no witnesses (that we know of). The allegation is of a nature that if it did happen, then somebody would have seen it. Sadly, to protect my DS I don't think he could go back to water polo - which is a shame as he did enjoy it but he has also said he doesn't want to go back. He is very shaken and upset now.

That has been the longest and most stressful few weeks of my entire life. I will never get that Christmas back with my family. Thank you all for your support during this hellish period.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/02/2026 00:31

@Stressedoutmybox

Well, I'm glad it's all over and that it sounds like it was an unsubstantiated allegation.

Hopefully he can develop an interest in another sport after a bit of downtime to decompress from this.

mmmarmalade · 03/02/2026 01:11

So why did the allegation escalate to this without any evidence? If this is what did happen then why aren't you complaining about the way this escalated without justification, i.e. without during evidence? It's acceptable to take any allegation of a serious nature at face value to begin with but surely it should then be investigated before it escalates? Could this not have been brought to a much quicker conclusion without putting you through a lot of unnecessary anxiety?

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 03/02/2026 04:51

Glad it’s over OP. Have some down time and reflection now - I’m sure you and ds will still feel very shaken for a little while. Shame about ds having to leave his sport but hopefully he will find another interest. Do you think the allegation was malicious? If so, maybe that could be investigated - if proven would ds wa t to go back if the boy who made the allegation were asked to leave?

TheaBrandt1 · 03/02/2026 06:34

I think if I were op I would just want to close the chapter and move on rather than reopening it to explore if it was a malicious allegation or not.

pariswindow · 03/02/2026 07:05

TheaBrandt1 · 03/02/2026 06:34

I think if I were op I would just want to close the chapter and move on rather than reopening it to explore if it was a malicious allegation or not.

I agree. I endured a similar incident accusing a vulnerable family member. I was completely blindsided, unable to think clearly, under enormous pressure. The weight dropped off me.

The case was eventually closed down by the police. I’m left with a very wary attitude to authority. We were an easy target as a respectable and law abiding family. It’s still hard to believe it actually happened.

OP won’t get anywhere asking any questions.

saraclara · 03/02/2026 07:12

I am so relieved for you and your son @Stressedoutmybox . But also upset that this was entirely unnecessary.

I hope that your son in particularly, will be able to put this behind him soon. Such a shame that he feels he has to give up something he enjoyed.

Will he need to come across the person who brought the complaint, in the future?

fashionqueen0123 · 03/02/2026 07:37

Stressedoutmybox · 02/02/2026 23:06

All done. The sense of relief is unreal. DS did exactly as she instructed him - she was great. There were no witnesses (that we know of). The allegation is of a nature that if it did happen, then somebody would have seen it. Sadly, to protect my DS I don't think he could go back to water polo - which is a shame as he did enjoy it but he has also said he doesn't want to go back. He is very shaken and upset now.

That has been the longest and most stressful few weeks of my entire life. I will never get that Christmas back with my family. Thank you all for your support during this hellish period.

How awful. Does that mean they are dropping it? If that’s the case how did it get this far! Surely they should be looking at who put the allegation in. I hope he can find something else to do although he shouldn’t need to

Laura95167 · 03/02/2026 08:05

mmmarmalade · 03/02/2026 01:11

So why did the allegation escalate to this without any evidence? If this is what did happen then why aren't you complaining about the way this escalated without justification, i.e. without during evidence? It's acceptable to take any allegation of a serious nature at face value to begin with but surely it should then be investigated before it escalates? Could this not have been brought to a much quicker conclusion without putting you through a lot of unnecessary anxiety?

This will have been the investigation. The person who reported the incidents statement is the initial evidence and the investigation includes gathering any specimens and talking to both the accused and the witnesses for a decision to be made on whether a crime needs prosecution or the alleged perpetrator should be no further actioned. Interviewing OPs son either ends the issue or provides evidence.

They need to do it all the time on historic cases. And it didnt escalate if he isnt facing charges. The arrest isn't a charge. And unfortunately police cant avoid speaking the accused to save stress because at the point this started they didnt know if OPs DS had committed an offence.

Potentially if did stay at water polo the team/institute can also investigate because not enough evidence for a criminal conviction doesn't mean the threshold for their code of conduct wasnt breached.

It was an awful time for OP but the police arent at fault

outdooryone · 03/02/2026 10:31

I am glad you can move on OP.

As someone who has seen a few unsubstantiated safeguarding complaints in a professional setting, these things do need investigating properly and formally. Without that, we can miss things on occasion.

Horrid for all involved, particularly OP and son. :-(