DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

[Stressedoutmybox]

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Children have to have an appropriate adult present during interviews. They should never allow an interview to take place without a solicitor.

I have legal cover with home insirance but it doesn't cover matters like this unfortunately.

But have you spoken to their legal helpline @Stressedoutmybox ? That's included in home insurance even if you don't have legal cover/the relevant legal cover.

My insurance's 24 hour legal helpline was amazing. They (fully qualified solicitors) talked me through the legalities of my situation and how to manage it and I was able to call them as often as I wanted.
Obviously they couldn't act for me, but in your situation they'd be able to explain what's happening/at what point to get a solicitor/what kind of solicitor you need/whether you need to pay etc.

Thr fact that thry are talking about workshops and not frog marcged him in for interview sounds like it might be something that he has done by mistake, that someone has complained about and they they now have to follow up. Like accidently exposing himself while getting changed, walking into the wrong changing room or something like that.

What makes you think 'it doesn't sound like any crime is suspected'? It literally said in the OP that social services have told OP they can't discuss the details because police will want to talk to them. That means police are investigating a potential crime. They wouldn't be planning on talking to him if they weren't.

It really doesn't sound like that at all. Police will not interview him until they have obtained the information needed to make a decision about whether or not they will proceed. The fact that they haven't decided yet means nothing.

Personally I would be extremely cautious about allowing police into your home for a chat.

Absolutely, interviews are a fishing expedition, more often than not the police rely on the suspect slowly enmeshing themselves in their own statements. "no comment" basically messes up this plan for them.

Be wary also of cautions and other get out of jail mechanisms offered by the police to make it go away - because they stick as a stain on your record - better to have your day in court if it comes to it.

I would contact a solicitor now, they will take a note of it and tell you to call them immediately if an interview is arranged.

This. Do not speak to the police again without a solicitor present.

Very true, there is no such thing as a chat with the police when you are a suspect - its a classic ploy by the police to obtain information, information that if they did not have, they would likely not have a case.

Many an amateur crook has managed to skewer themselves by being over talkative - and many an innocent too.

Interviews take place at the police station, properly recorded and conducted to the PACE guidance with a solicitor present, following the solicitors advice.

Also, to reiterate something that someone else said, I have informed my children that they are never to provide statements regarding alleged incidents at school (any incident). They are to refuse and tell the school to call me instead.

The school tried this with my son and would, if he had not refused to do it have handed it over to the police as part of any investigation.

You need to be very clear about all of this even if you know your son hasn't done anything.

This is very long and from the USA but explains very clearly why this is important

But they absolutely do, and as I say a teacher can be deemed an appropriate adult, you do need to be very careful.

If it was anything really bad (sexual) they would have insisted he spends overnights with extended family until resolved, in order to safeguard any younger siblings in the home. Plus any electronics would have already been removed from the home for investigative purposes. Hope you get some answers soon.

The mention of ‘workshops’ makes me think someone has made a report under Prevent. Any chance he has posted or shared any extremist content online? Religious extremism or far right content? Was he involved at all in any of the flag protests or whatever and therefore might have said or done something silly back then? (since you say it was some time ago). Into any Andrew Tate sorta stuff?

What makes me think Prevent is because there doesn’t seem to be an immediate safeguarding risk posed, but they are developing an approach to intervention with him, which is more what I’d expect if a Prevent report had been made.

Ignore the social worker, lawyer up. If they’re coming for a chat it isn’t major but it’s always good to be aware of your rights. Lawyer up.

“- so he’s already guilty?!”

No. He’s legally innocent until proven guilty.
The police can - and should - investigate any allegation, precisely to determine whether it’s true or not.

Similarly, safeguarding processes are to protect the vulnerable. The priority is preventing harm - in this case, to children - not to faff around waiting for somebody to be proven guilty in court, which has a very high burden of proof.

It’s good that child safeguarding is taken so seriously. Safety is more important than feelings.

He never takes his phone to the pool. When they came round initially and only I was home, I did talk about some of his autistic challenges (for lack of a better word). I was blind-sided and emotional/crying throughout- when in hindsight I shouldn't have talked about him at all and now panicking I have made it worse. I said that school were aware of some of his vulnerabilities. I've reached out to a solicitor who is going to call me back.

I mean this as kindly as possible. They arent viewing him in terms of vulnerability theyre investigating him as a perpetrator.

With this solicitor you need to stick to the facts of what you know about the situation and any expected conversations with the police. You need to be clear about your limited understanding of whats happened and the DS is under 18. Then just follow their advice. You wont get better advice on here.

I feel really sorry for you OP and I believe that it isn't appropriate that they have kind of informally cautioned him like this. However I would just wait and see what they come back with. It sounds very possible that there has been some kind of incident where maybe a younger child at water polo has suggested that something has happened including some of the older boys. Obviously even the suggestion of some inappropriate sexual or violent behaviour towards younger children has to be taken very seriously, so they probably have no choice but to exclude every child that could be involved.

I asked if it was only my child involved and they said yes, just him (as in not a group of children).

You son is a minor. I wouldn't let them interview him or talk to him without a solicitor and an appropriate adult. Don't let your son talk to anyone without legal representation and even then I'd suggest he no comments. You have every right to know the allegations because your son is a minor.

Breathe. At this stage you know little and can do less. Wait until you speak to a solicitor. Then take everything step by step. You won't have made anything worse.

This advice about telling him to not talk to the police and no comment is disgraceful.

It’s all focused on preventing the police from investigating and potentially giving appropriate consequences for the allegation.

Remember that only 4 - 6% of allegations of crimes are false. Statistically, there’s a very high chance he actually did whatever he’s accused of doing. Luckily for criminals, only a small percentage of crimes have sufficient proof to face charges, and most get away with it entirely.

@Stressedoutmybox you’re anxious because you’re fixated on preventing your son suffering from the unknown consequences of his unknown actions. Accept that you do not need to protect your son from his own probable criminality. Do the right thing and let it go. Let the experts do their jobs.

This advice about telling him to not talk to the police and no comment is disgraceful.

He should definitely go no comment and definitely not speak to the police without representation. How can he make any comment before disclosure??

Are you crazy? Everyone is saying that because it is your right to reply no comment in what is a fact finding mission for the police. But the best thing is to lawyer up.

Not really, even if he has committed a crime, the aim would be to get off the hook - that's what defence is all about - everyone is entitled to a defence, even the guilty, and that defence starts with your actions.

Solicitor & No Comment unless solicitor says otherwise.

Remember it is your legal right to stay silent, its all in the warning, in the UK "You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court,"