DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

[Stressedoutmybox]

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Because the police would be stupid to not investigate the named person when a criminal act is reported.

In sex crimes (etc.) it can end up being a she/he said issue.

They have gotten statements from everybody involved.

The OPs son has to be safeguarded too in so far as now his version of events has been heard and taken into account. This while stressful is much better than if the claims were not properly investigated.

Thanks all, yes it took time due to the investigation. DS interview was right at the very end. Also falling over Christmas basically took two weeks out of the equation. The other child does attend the same school - I have advised DS to steer well clear (the school are aware as there was that first inital multi agency meeting). There are a few things in our minds that don't quite add-up regarding the allegation - and DH and I have gone over this in length - but for our family's mental health we just need to move on. I feel the water polo club also need to review their supervision levels and own policies, so also from that regard he won't be going back. The past 2 months feel like a very bad dream, hopefully my appetite and energy levels will come back now.

You should ask the school to put a formal process in place to make sure they do not cross path unless supervised.

If there is something going on in the other childs life its best if you are proactive with the school so that you son is not placed or left unknowingly in a position where he is with the other child.

Thanks, I don't think they are in same school year but I have the CP focal point name and email so will contact them

@mmmarmalade As I said in earlier posts, the police don’t care much for evidence! In DDs case there wasn’t any either. Just a malicious allegation. The police seem to think that frightening teens will elicit evidence. Highly unlikely to ever get to court.

@Laura95167 Specimens? This allegation was from months ago! It’s not a recent event. As a result, it was almost certainly malicious and of course there’s no witnesses or proper evidence. The police were on a fishing trip.

@Stressedoutmybox As soon as we could, we sent dd to another school. I bet quite a bit doesn’t add up and if he’s at school with this dc, I’d be running a mile. I’d be wondering what prompted this and what this child might allege in the future. The child in our case was very damaged and had a history of being excluded from schools. The police didn’t consider this. Nor the tendency to get other dc into trouble. Nor the parental background and why she had arrived at the school. The police, in short, don’t do much in depth investigation. I’d be very concerned about dc being at the school unless they can ensure he can be protected.

In general, I’d not complain. We didn’t about the police but we did to the school because they knew the dd was not suitable, yet still admitted her as her DM was an old girl. However , this won’t leave you and I’m still cross after all these years. It’s sad about him having to drop his sport too. It’s the innocent who get punished!

Yes.

If someone makes a police report. You cannot assume its malicious just because of the time lapse. Im not saying in this case it wasnt malicious just that proper police conduct is to assume its a genuine report and gather evidence which includes, witness statements, specimen gathering or consideration if there could be physical evidence to gather AND questioning the accused.

I feel awful OP, but the police didnt know whether to no further actioned this until they investigated. And yes part of that will be seeing if the accused incriminates themselves during questioning.

I think your personal experience is making you angry and bitter because this scenario is similar. But here, unfortunately christmas caused delays but the police investigated properly, OPs DS had good and proper support and the right thing happened. Malicious complaints should have consequences, but complaints should be assumed genuine until the investigation shows otherwise.

I’m so glad to hear that your DC has been cleared and I can totally understand why he doesn’t want to go back to that sport although it’s so unfair on him. I know you’ll never get Christmas back either

It was very hard for us to have a real idea what was going on as we didn't know the exact allegation until the interview itself only the broad nature of it. So our minds and stress levels were in total overdrive for about 8 weeks. I was actually glad that we were at the end of the investigation rather than at the start, as I knew that there shouldn't be others to speak to after us, unless someone randomly came up.

I am so very glad that your nightmare is over. The relief must be immense. Xx

@Laura95167 This was a child accusing another child from 9 months ago! Whst specimens? It wasn’t an immediate complaint. It’s been thought about and the police really should not believe every complaint about dc at school! Where does it end?

I have no idea, because I dont (and neither do you) know the specific allegations of this case. But whenever a serious allegation is made the police must investigate. They listen to the reporting party, they interview the accused, they see if they could reasonably expect to find evidence - unwashed clothes, going through waste bins, videos, cctv, witnesses, diary entries at the time there a plethora of potential evidence specimens for them to consider depending on the allegation.

Has it occurred to your the reason we get so many historic reports of inappropriate behaviour because children sometimes need time to process feelings of guilt shame and confusion to say what they experienced. And sadly yes sometimes the reporting child may lie or exaggerate. But the police must treat all allegations as genuine until they find evidence its malicious.

OPs child has AuDHD, and maybe the reporting child had some ND or difficulty themselves impacting their circumstances. Weve no idea what the allegation was or why it was made or with what intent. Youre going on like you know this child's motivation when all you know is the discreet concerned response from OP, whos been very gracious and discreet about the whole incident beyond her own fears. OP has had an awful time and im pleased she doesnt have to face that he did something awful. But whilst it was difficult to go through once the acqusation was made the police had to investigate. And it sounds like they did. And OPs family will, thank goodness be able to move forward. But this well it was a child reporting a child (teenagers) and oh it was 9 months later so its obviously malicious rhetoric youre touting to me sounds dangerous.

Are you really suggesting if a child makes a serious accusation, repeats it to the police they should what ignore it? Assume its malicious? Tell them sorry if you were genuine youd have called us on the day? Where does that end?

• Im genuinely not going to reply anymore because I think the suggestion that children making allegations should not be taken seriously is offensive and dangerous. If you feel differently, were at an impasse anyway. And I dont want to derail the intent of OPs thread, which isnt about this but about getting support through this time

Glad your nightmare has come to an end.

Glad its over for you and DS - it will be a salutary lesson for him that people can make up stuff months later and it can cause a world of pain, and that we live in a world where you are guilty of certain offences in the minds of those in authority until proven innocent.

Obviously he needs to keep down wind of the complainant and ensure he's not in a position of being alone with them.

The continual talk seems to be about what happens if the allegation was yesterday! It wasn’t. DD was accused of something that carried a very long prison sentence. I strongly believe there should be some evaluation of who is doing the accusing and a dive into their motivation. None happened in DDs case and she didn’t get legal representation - we had no information and weeks of worry too. There’s more to consider when dc are involved. I accept posters don’t want to listen to some victims (the wrongly accused) and believe everything they are told without any questions, and I’m truly not convinced this is right.

I would also say few will understand the real worry of this. It’s truly awful.

You are upset yet are not able to take on board that if your child came to you and said something happened years ago that you would not be expected to dismiss what your child had said to you.

If you took your child to the police you would not expect that the police would tell you and your child that they would not invesitgate what your child said happened.

You would be rightly upset if the police began an investigation to prove that what your child said happened could not have happened due to the evaluation they made about your childs character.

The OPs family has reached the end point of the investigation process and the police have taken statements from both parties.

If you need to vent about what happened to your family you are better off opening your own thread.

I would expect full investigation if they alleged an adult but another child? Not so sure if my child had been permanently excluded twice before and was known to be a big troublemaker, I’m not convinced everything should be taken at face value and, let’s face it, the police have egg on their faces over “Carl”.

You think that your childs rights under the law should be ignored just because your child is a child?

Or that the police should ignore your childs witness statement based on the evaluation they made about your childs character?

You need to open a new thread if you want to debate that.

The OP fully accepted that the other child has rights and that the other child should be safeguarded too.

@AnSolas No. It’s not a separate discussion. It’s about distress and waiting times when due diligence is not carried out. The op has had a terrible time and several posters have said she should complain. It’s perfectly possible to do a “light touch” investigation after weighing up probability and there was no prospect of a conviction here. There was no evidence. Meetings were held prior to any effort to get evidence and now the DS cannot do his sport. I feel sorry for the op.

@OhDear111
You have no idea on the prospect of a conviction nor did the OP.

The OP could have been in a very unfortunate position where her child had actually engaged in whatever criminal act that was under investigation. The OPs child could as a result have been advised to admit to the act. Or have decided to tell her child to lie in the statement.

The police carried out a proper investigation. If the police had found sufficient evidence thereafter it would have been up to the CPS to make a decision on the prospect of a conviction.

You feel that your child should be judged on character rather than have the police carry out a proper investigation.

The OP fully accepted that the other child has rights and that the other child should be safeguarded too.

The OPs child could continue with the sport as the full investigation shows there was no case to answer. As such the organisers could not exclude the OPs child on the basis of still being suspected of a criminal act.

The OP rightly decided that the incident highlighted organisational safeguarding gaps and her child is better off not attending.

Safeguarding should have worked both ways to protect both children.

And in support of your point @ansolas how would the police know both child's character without interviewing them?

It screams victim blaming.

What if the child is badly behaved but they say its because X other child did Y and the police said sorry youre trouble maker and the accused isnt so we cant be investigating that.

And heres a right in law to face your accuser. Imagine a serious allegation is made against you and you arent informed while the police start investigating because they need to investigate the accuser's character first.

Only some people being eligible to report a crime sounds like a dystopian nightmare

This seems cruel
Your son is a child. So is the other individual involved. It is so 'serious' that they won't tell you what he has done and makes you wait 8 weeks to find out? Your son swears blind he doesn't remember anything untoward happening and he is left questioning himself. Then he has a chat at a police station and is told not to go back to water polo?
It all sounds very exaggerated.

My understanding is that's the process. The exact allegation isn't fully divulged until police interview in presence of a solicitor. We didn't discuss this with our DS until as late as possible when we met the solicitor ourselves (so that he wouldn't be a 'stranger' to DS on the actual day of the interview).

He wasn't told not to go back - I'm sure he could have. However we felt it would be safer if he didn't. IF this was a malicious allegation or mistaken identity (and I am not saying it was) then we absolutely cannot risk this happening again.

If he’s keen on water polo, it may be worth looking around to see if playing with any adult groups is an option.

Some sports take older teens in adult sessions.