DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

[Stressedoutmybox]

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

I have already explained why there is a delay. Would you rather, if this was your child, that he was needlessly interviewed and scared by the process if there was never enough evidence to proceed in the first place? Or if the alleged victim withdraws their allegation? If that happens, the boy can continue his life none the wiser. Please remember police are investigating a potential crime. They need time to do this.

Why would you imagine that? If the alleged victim is a child it will take time to obtain evidence from them. They need to do this before they can decide whether to proceed with an investigation. They will work on the victim's timescale not the alleged perpetrator.

Why on earth are they refusing to tell you what it is😳

You 100% need a solicitor

Until they interview him and he drops himself in it they probably don’t have a case which is why the Advice further up the thread for “no comment” is to be adhered to at all times, as is ensuring that there is an appropriate adult with him which doesn’t need to be the parent I believe, They can consider that to be a teacher so again he needs to be very careful around school

I work in safeguarding. “Workshops” typically = something racist, sexual, a hate incident etc. that doesn’t meet the threshold for prosecution or a Prevent referral.
The meeting of professionals sounds like what is called a MAST (multiagency safeguarding team) meeting and will be to collate all of the information before deciding what happens next.
I agree with previous commenters that this sounds like a safeguarding, rather than legal, process but there is obviously an overlap.

Allegations involving children are made every day and are tricky.

• A lot are true
• A few are not
• More than you would think are a mistake made in good faith either by the parties involved or a third party making the report.

As a parent you will be having absolute kittens but it is important to not do anything rash and understand that, in the main, the youth justice system does not want to ‘criminalise’ children.

When an allegation is made, no matter how spurious, the police’s priorities will be safeguarding the complainant and others (while that does include the suspect, that is very much secondary) and the integrity of the investigation.

The delay in speaking to your son is likely because of the Christmas holidays, if he is not going to the club where the conduct is alleged to have occurred, the risk he may pose to others is reduced. The meeting between professionals would have been in order to gather and share information, this is normal and in the early stages would never involve parents as it is very difficult to discuss the risk a young person may pose/be at when a parent is on the line.

The outcomes will be one of the following:

• the police come for an informal chat to your house - in this scenario there is unlikely to be enough to proceed to court/not in the public interest however be aware of making admissions to obtain a ‘community resolution’ which would still be recorded against your child
• the police come for a formal chat at your house- your child is cautioned and then an interview is conducted on paper/portable equipment. - unlikely but not unheard of.
• the police invite you to a police station for an informal chat (as option one note this is not a Voluntary Attendance Interview which falls into the category below)
• you attend the station for a formal interview either as a ‘volunteer’ or under arrest.

If there is any suggestion of an interview which is formally recorded ie starts with the words You do not have to say anything take a solicitor. But take a good one.

In a past life I had a job where the solicitor gave truly appalling advice to No Comment and a situation which could have been resolved with a diversionary scheme resulted in a court appearance and detention. If the police have the evidence telling them everything at the earliest interview will result in the best outcome. If they don’t have the evidence, say nothing. You will only have a vague idea of the evidence when/if you get to interview. They will not tell you anything before that point if they are worried it will damage their investigation, hence the lack of info now.

My advice is be polite but ask questions. Even if you don’t like the answers, listen to them, take the information away and think about your next move, don’t be combative. Give the police the impression that you want to ‘work with them’ (even if you don’t) they are much more likely to give you more information and at the end of the day, they are human, passing the attitude test counts for a lot!

An investigation doesn’t wait until evidence has been obtained from a child — the investigation begins as soon as an allegation is reported.

It’s also not accurate to say the police work only to the victim’s timescale. The police are required to balance that with the legal rights of the person accused, including the need to avoid unnecessary delay.

Similar happened to me last month. Someone alleged something about my 14 year old son (not neurodiverse). So stressful. I wasn't sleeping. School wouldn't say what it was. I finally got PC in charge of investigation to call me. He was as lovely as he could be, and told me not to lose any sleep over it, and it was something that supposedly happened 3 years ago.
We attended voluntary interview, with duty solicitor. Allegation was rather bonkers (solicitor said that it didn't really make sense as described). Son said he didn't do it, didn't even remember the accuser being in the classes that the offence was alleged to have happened in (no vaguely similar incidents ever, so whole thing seemed fairly unlikely). Solicitor said to just tell the police that they didn't do it, rather than no comment. Police questioning was so superficial it felt like they were just going through the motions.
We are just awaiting the official No Further Action from the police. PC was at pains to make it clear that any delay was just due to paperwork.

Your understanding is incorrect. You can't be "considered to be" under arrest if you haven't been arrested. A voluntary attendance is exactly that. You can leave any time you like. The only way they can stop you is to actually arrest you, for which they need good cause.

Given that its waterpolo - which is bloody vicious! - I wonder if its not sexual but perhaps physical assault or something? Can you ask him if a tackle went wrong etc?

If the police are involved it sounds as though a crime is suspected. There are plenty of cases that only go to court because the defendant admitted to a crime when interviewed by police, but there might not have been enough evidence to charge them without that admission. This is why it is important for your DS to give a no comment interview, initially at least. Young people with additional needs can be very suggestible and you need to protect him from being bullied or persuaded to admit to something for which there may not be much other conclusive evidence.

I would get myself the best solicitor I could and I wouldn't allow any interview without one.

It’s entirely normal to have an initial discussion when allegations are made. It’s a multi-agency discussion to agree how to move forward, and is intended to ensure all the professionals involved are on the same page and that everyone understands their particular responsibilities in any given situation. It’s not a pre-judgement of the situation in any way.

The police don’t convict, they investigate and, with children, that’s often in conjunction with social work. Other agencies will be involved to ensure support for the young person, and to put any safety measures in place.

Erm yes I would want them charged if guilty.

OPs son could be innocent. I am going to wager that he is considering this alleged incident happened months ago and club nor any1 else has said anything about it. And they still aren’t saying anything about it,

Because it's a live police investigation

The investigation is ongoing whatever the allegation is. But they won't inform the alleged perpetrator until they are ready to interview him. My point was that IF it's an allegation made by another child, it takes time to achieve their evidence.

I haven't read all the posts but seeing as this is related to water polo is it possible your son has been accused of exposing himself to someone (which the police may well presume is un-intentional given his additional needs) and therefore workshops are required to help him navigate the social norms of changing in public???

I agree. Especially where the OP says that he can't think of anything he has done. That's the whole point he doesn't see himself as having done anything wrong when in reality he might have.

I guess we won't ever have an update when the OP finds out what the allegation is.

I am going to assume that the police and social services and even the water polo tea. are taking allegations seriously and taking statements and gathering evidence before interviewing the alleged perpetrator. As well they should.

Then they should not be telling OP she doesn’t need a solicitor and casually chatting about workshops.

Indeed they should not. But we all know the police will say this. The OP should make sure that he is not interviewed without a solicitor even if just the duty solicitor.

Why do you think police would encourage a child not to get a solicitor?!

@Octavia64

“for example, we had a boy who was going through puberty. He was experiencing strong sexual urges and kept groping girls in the corridors. He was put on 1:1 TA while we got a specialist in to work with him on understanding not to touch other people’s bodies unless they said it was ok.
he wasn’t stopped from doing any activities but fairly obviously the girls (and their parents!) were very upset.
it sounds like this is the child protection process kicking in rather than the legal one.”

To me, the child protection process seems a bit one-sided here.

I was regularly groped by someone with additional needs when I was a teenager and the experience of that still affects me to this day.

Another kid with additional needs would sidle up to me and ostentatiously gawp down my top in public, and everyone would laugh it off. I still remember the horrific waves of humiliation of being constantly singled out, and avoiding going out.

I don’t know why people think sexual abuse - or any abuse - is LESS harmful to the victim if caused by someone unaware of what they’re doing. I was absolutely 100% abused but because the other kids didn’t know any better it was harmless…? Wrong.

It seems to me that children and teens are often used as ‘learning support tools’ for other people’s kids irrespective of harms being done to them. They are the collateral damage to preparing another for the harsh (possible prison) realities of adulthood.

And then to call it ‘child protection’. 🤯

I just wish people would fully own the harms. OP, I genuinely feel for you. But I hope if it’s something like this you’re able to see the full picture and do not dismiss or minimise the victims.

The talk of workshops sounds like he has behaved inappropriately.

There’s a possibility that it’s not meeting the threshold as an urgent child safety issue because he’s not going to water polo anymore, and besides it’s finished for Christmas. So no further contact is likely to happen.

Plus the agencies involved will not be doing much over Christmas.

Theres nothing you can do at the moment, so put it out of your mind over Christmas and act normally for your son.

Anxiety is pointless, processes are being followed to keep children safe, which is good.

If he hasn’t done anything, or it isn’t proven, then no harm done. If he has done something, then action needs to be taken and this behaviour need to be nipped in the bud.

Don’t be one of those boy mums who refuses to believe that Little Timmy would ever do anything wrong.