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Original poster

DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

323 replies

Stressedoutmybox · 22/12/2025 22:44

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

OP posts:
cheesychipsontheoche · 23/12/2025 05:31

The meeting will likely have been a strategy meeting (to determine if section 47 threshold is met to complete a single agency/joint agency investigation into whether there is a likelihood of significant harm)

given that social care are not coming to see your son with any urgency I would guess the s.47 threshold was not met, and usually in cases like this the police specifically ask social care not to share info so as not to impede any investigation.
so I’d be chasing the police. If they need to speak to your son they should do so sooner rather than later.

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 05:44

Social workers can't tell you the detail of the investigation, and police won't tell you until they have decided if they are going to interview him. They are being very slow which is frustrating but is typical of a police investigation, especially when considered non urgent. They have shared with the polo club that there has been an allegation because they have to safeguard other children but they wont have shared any detail. With the social worker talking about workshops I imagine it's an allegation of sexually harmful behaviour towards another young person. If that is what happened, there IS help they can provide and interventions to help your son learn and understand better about consent and appropriate behaviour. It's scary and shocking but if he's behaved in an inappropriate way then he needs an intervention to divert that behaviour and help him make changes so it doesn't happen again.

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 05:45

Octavia64 · 23/12/2025 04:24

I used to work in a school that had a unit for autistic children.

it was quite common for them to get involved with inappropriate behaviour largely because they didn’t really have a level of understanding that helped them avoid it.

so for example one girl had open public social media. Many men chatted with her and she sometimes tried to meet up with them in person because “they wanted to be friends” with her.

it sounds like an allegation has been made and the safeguarding process has kicked in. The meeting at school sounds like a TAC/TAF meeting - team around the child/team around the family - meeting where all the professionals meet and take decisions.

This meeting is part of the social work/child protection process rather than the police process so you don’t need a solicitor for the social work/child protection process although if it reaches the stage of police interviews etc I would recommend getting one.

the police don’t generally want to get involved with send type child protection stuff.

if your child is known to be autistic/adhd and there has been an incident where he has been inappropriate in a sexual way (eg showing photos or videos of sex to a younger child, resending them to his friends etc) then it is likely that one of the outcomes of the tac meeting might be to do some work with him specifically about appropriate online behaviour and safety. There will (hopefully!) be a recognition that the autism means that normal processes are not appropriate.

depending on what the incident was and the risk assessment for the ongoing risk to other children other things may be put in place.

for example, we had a boy who was going through puberty. He was experiencing strong sexual urges and kept groping girls in the corridors. He was put on 1:1 TA while we got a specialist in to work with him on understanding not to touch other people’s bodies unless they said it was ok.

he wasn’t stopped from doing any activities but fairly obviously the girls (and their parents!) were very upset.

it sounds like this is the child protection process kicking in rather than the legal one.

Just to say a TAF/TAC meeting isn't a professionals meeting, that should include parents. The meeting OP is talking about is probably a strategy meeting which is confidential and includes police and takes place when a child is considered potentially at risk of significant harm.

Lovethystupidneighbour · 23/12/2025 05:55

Salmongate · 23/12/2025 00:23

Tbh I would be going a bit apeshit about this. How can they say they are having meetings about your son when he’s not been convicted of anything. Telling you not to get a solicitor (so they have no plans to convict of anything). Yet expect him to do workshops and are banning him from his activity. Excuse me?!

Eh? I’d be annoyed they weren’t telling me anything but a conviction shouldn’t be the only grounds for behavioural intervention.

How would you like it if your child was assaulted (for example) and because the offender wasn’t criminally charged absolutely nothing was done about it? They carried on going to your child’s football or swim club?

I think it’s good they are taking all these measures before or instead of criminal conviction. No use ruining a kids life if the behaviour can be nipped in the bud for the future.

TonyTheImpala · 23/12/2025 06:50

You absolutely 100% need to get a solicitor. This is probably the most important thing you can do. Your son should not talk to the police without one. They should not have told you that you don’t need one, they may have said you don’t have to have one? Either way, get one.

arcticpandas · 23/12/2025 06:56

It makes me think your son might have crossed some boundaries (?) Or someone thinks that your son has crossed some boundaries rather. I wouldn't be too worried- if he had done something really bad police would have him in for questioning. This sounds like he has unawarely crossed some boundaries and they want to have workshops with him to explain boundaries to him. It's still crazy that they won't tell you!

Simonjt · 23/12/2025 06:57

They can’t discuss it with you as you aren’t the ‘person of interest’ and they aren’t yet ready to interview.

Workshops, that does possibly suggest it may be something prevent related.

moose62 · 23/12/2025 07:03

What I find strange is the police, school, social services etc.. have all had meeting about this but have not spoken to you or you DS and don't seem in any hurry to do so.
Presumably they woukd want to see what he says to the allegations before talking about 'workshops'.

Alittlefrustrated · 23/12/2025 07:04

I agree with pp that this sounds like a strategy meeting, called and lead by social services, to identify if thresholds are met for safeguarding investigations by social servives. If thresholds are met, a Social Worker visits the child immediately (in my area).

violetcuriosity · 23/12/2025 07:14

I’m assuming they held a ‘threshold meeting’ where they determine whether your child needs social services involvement. You need to call the social worker and find out what the outcome of the meeting was, I think possibly because he is 16 you won’t automatically get all the information. I may be wrong, I deal with 8-15 year olds so have never heard of this situation other than when we feel the parent may be the cause of harm x

violetcuriosity · 23/12/2025 07:14

Simonjt · 23/12/2025 06:57

They can’t discuss it with you as you aren’t the ‘person of interest’ and they aren’t yet ready to interview.

Workshops, that does possibly suggest it may be something prevent related.

Yes or harmful sexual behaviours

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 07:17

TonyTheImpala · 23/12/2025 06:50

You absolutely 100% need to get a solicitor. This is probably the most important thing you can do. Your son should not talk to the police without one. They should not have told you that you don’t need one, they may have said you don’t have to have one? Either way, get one.

They don't need a solicitor until police inform them if they are going to interview him. The social worker was right, there's no need for a solicitor at this stage.

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 07:18

moose62 · 23/12/2025 07:03

What I find strange is the police, school, social services etc.. have all had meeting about this but have not spoken to you or you DS and don't seem in any hurry to do so.
Presumably they woukd want to see what he says to the allegations before talking about 'workshops'.

That's because it's potentially a criminal investigation. So police will lead on the enquiry if so, and they will get to him in their own time. Once police have made a decision the social worker will be able to discuss it, whether police decide to investigate or not. You can't have a social worker talking to a potential suspect about a potential offence before police have done so.

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 07:20

Alittlefrustrated · 23/12/2025 07:04

I agree with pp that this sounds like a strategy meeting, called and lead by social services, to identify if thresholds are met for safeguarding investigations by social servives. If thresholds are met, a Social Worker visits the child immediately (in my area).

Exactly - they haven't been out within 24 hours so they have determined your DS isn't at risk of significant harm. To be fair, the strat was probably for both children/all children and the potential victims would be visited more quickly than the potential perpetrator.

BitzerMalonie · 23/12/2025 07:23

You should have been given more details but the workshops part could relate to the outcome following your son being interviewed.
It sounds like he may be spoken to as a voluntary attender, this is the same kind of interview which follows an arrest but as the name suggests, is voluntary so no arrest would occur and it would be held at a convenient time.
You can have a duty solicitor for this and you should be told in advance, when the interview time is arranged, so the police can book a solicitor.
The youth justice service could be involved as the outcome of the interview, dependent on evidence etc, and this is where the workshop part would be arranged.

BananaramaDefence · 23/12/2025 07:27

From one mum to another, do not allow your son to speak to police without a solicitor. Do not allow the police to come to your house. They will want to resolve this very quickly, admit to something and do a community resolution, which will go on his record for a year minimum. They will pressure you and panic you and you will agree because you just want it to go away.

I had this exact thing happen with my DS when he was 15. He had slept with a girl (consensually) of the same age and it had been reported to the school, who called police and social services. When I insisted that I wanted it done at the police station, with a solicitor (you get that free if under caution), they became rather less interested. We went for the interview and that was the last we ever heard of it.

Be warned, social services insisted on a load of visits, and the police said they'd be in touch after the interview to tell us what they were going to do. That was 4 years ago, they never got back in touch.

I moved my son out of that school (mid GCSE) and he has never had a problem since.

BackToLurk · 23/12/2025 07:31

Just to repeat what others have said. Talk to a solicitor. Your son will be entitled to legal aid as he’s under 18. Never listen to police advice that ‘you don’t need a solicitor’

BananaramaDefence · 23/12/2025 07:32

I should probably add that it took weeks for the police to get in touch after social services did. Had a ridiculous meeting with a social worker who kept repeating that she was there to safeguard my son, but couldn't tell me what she was safeguarding him from because the police needed to get in touch first.

I had to point out that as she was there for only an hour and I was there for the rest of his life, that was ridiculous, how could I safeguard him when I didn't know what was going on.

sashh · 23/12/2025 07:33

Do not let your son be interviewed without a solicitor and an appropriate adult present.

TonyTheImpala · 23/12/2025 07:38

ShawnaMacallister · 23/12/2025 07:17

They don't need a solicitor until police inform them if they are going to interview him. The social worker was right, there's no need for a solicitor at this stage.

Show quote history

I think my meaning was clear.

UsernameMcUsername · 23/12/2025 07:44

I would absolutely seek legal advice ASAP. I've seen this whole process at second hand. Depressingly enough both the police and social services are usually overwhelmed and frequently incompetent (I have a good social worker friend who is extremely honest about it all in private). In your shoes I would lawyer up.

BananaramaDefence · 23/12/2025 07:51

Also, any social worker who is not telling you to get a solicitor involved is NOT safeguarding your son!

NorthernDancer · 23/12/2025 07:53

BackToLurk · 23/12/2025 07:31

Just to repeat what others have said. Talk to a solicitor. Your son will be entitled to legal aid as he’s under 18. Never listen to police advice that ‘you don’t need a solicitor’

Hear hear. Have a solicitor lined up just in case and certainly do not allow your DS to be interviewed without one present.

prh47bridge · 23/12/2025 08:20

Agree with many others. DO NOT trust the police when they say you don't need a solicitor.

Rosscameasdoody · 23/12/2025 08:21

BitzerMalonie · 23/12/2025 07:23

You should have been given more details but the workshops part could relate to the outcome following your son being interviewed.
It sounds like he may be spoken to as a voluntary attender, this is the same kind of interview which follows an arrest but as the name suggests, is voluntary so no arrest would occur and it would be held at a convenient time.
You can have a duty solicitor for this and you should be told in advance, when the interview time is arranged, so the police can book a solicitor.
The youth justice service could be involved as the outcome of the interview, dependent on evidence etc, and this is where the workshop part would be arranged.

It’s my understanding that a voluntary attendance involves an invitation to attend the police station at a specific day and time. The advice is not to attend such an interview without legal representation because once you attend you are considered to be under arrest. Or is this something different ?