DS Alleged Incident - Police/Social Services - So Stressed. Advice Needed

[Stressedoutmybox]

Ten days ago the police called to say that my son (age 16) couldn't go to his water polo club due to an "alleged incident" and that they would be coming round to speak to me (DS was not in when when they came round - note he is AuDHD ). They wouldn't tell me anything about the allegation only that it happened some time ago, so I am not sure why they had to come round tbh to not be able to give me any information?. I was very upset/crying at the time as felt completely blindsided. One of the officers did say remember that not everything this is reported is true - however the next phone call below makes me feel like they are already saying he is guilty?

A few days later social services called to say that a meeting had been held at the school with the themselves, the police, a school rep and community health to discuss it. She wouldn't tell me either what the allegation was but that the police would want to talk to us/him. I asked if I would need a solicitor, she called back and said that the police unit involved said no, we wouldn't ..... this was last week and I haven't heard anything more. I am so stressed, not sleeping or eating. I asked her if there was any info she could give me at all - all she said was that they'd be looking to do some workshops with him?? So, now i'm totally petrified.

Does anyone have any advice? Can I ask that they come round and just talk to us, without my son or we can find out more about the allegation - or can they insist on him being there? He will not cope at all and I am worried about him. He has no idea any of this is going on, or that he might have done something. Should I say that if they want to talk to us we will meet them there with a solicitor? It's not a great time of year to try and get hold of someone and tbh I wouldn't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

He has definitely been accused of something criminal - I've never known stress like this. Will need to try and get a solicitor sorted next week for an interview. Feel sick.

If and when the police invite you in for a voluntary interview, they will have to provide you with a solicitor
The duty solicitor will be a qualified solicitor.
And try not to worry, I know it’s easy to say

@Stressedoutmybox An accusation doesn’t mean he’s done anything though or that any proceedings will follow. How important is this criminal act likely to be if it’s only come to light months and months later? If he’s no idea what they are talking about then do be it. If they have video evidence of something, they need to show it.

Our experience was that the “chat” with the police wasn’t as a police station. There was no standard earning sentence and we didn’t have any solicitor. I would not rely on a duty solicitor either. I’d want one with experience of child interviews. The chat might well be at home though.

Many serious offences only come to light months, and sometimes years after the event. It’s ridiculous to say that a delay means it’s not important, particularly if it involves children and young people. No one, including the OP, knows what allegation has been made - that won’t come to light until the investigation is complete. I can guarantee if it was your child who disclosed they had been offended against months after the incident, you’d expect it to be taken seriously.

@JellycatspyjamasWholly depends what it is though. Disclosing is usually sexual offending. Disclosing silly games and being offended isn’t quite the same is it? Also if the DS was an adult and the disclosing young person a child - yes it’s serious. This is all dc though and the op doesn’t even know what’s being investigated. Could be made up and could be minor. Context matters and so does allegation. Is it a warning issue or is DS going to be taken away from parents? I think it’s unfair to leave the nature of this hanging in the air and they are taking their time. So how serious is it?

So far I know that it's not a minor allegation, but of a serious nature.

Duty solicitors have an extra qualification. You could request a duty solicitor with experience of children/ young people/ autism.
Thinking of you x

It can be very serious, taking time to undertake initial investigations is important both for the child making the allegation and the alleged offender. They’ve ensured safety in the immediate term by excluding the OPs son from the club, thus reducing the risk to both children. That then gives them time to undertake an investigation. There’s been a multi-agency meeting, which is the right process for allegations involving a child victim - the investigation process agreed at that meeting will take time, particularly over the holidays. It’s much fairer to all concerned to take the time needed at the outset than to rush to interview, arrest or charging.

The language of disclosure is often made in relation to sexual abuse, but actually refers to any child telling about harm done to them. There’s nothing to suggest it’s been a silly game that’s caused offence, the multi agency response suggests something that needs to be carefully explored.

Understandably the main concern will be to understand the allegations made, to consider any charging options, not the stress placed on the OPs child.

The social worker, who is now involved, has also been in regular contact with what's going on.

@StressedoutmyboxBut you don’t know and DS knows nothing. Maybe more questioning of him. Plus it could be a child known to SS is making the allegation. We don’t know that either. However this all comes down to evidence and that’s progressing at a snails pace.

My son was attested and interviewed. They provided him with a solicitor, it didn’t cost us anything.

This does happen though, often, that's why you should make sure that young people know not to speak to the police until they have a solicitor and/or appropriate adult with them.

A school police officer spoke to my 14yr old ds about a suspected offence and said it was an 'informal chat' , I asked why he wasnt given the chance to have someone with him and the officer said 'this isn't how this works, I can speak to whoever I want.' Please don't just blindly trust the police will do their jobs properly. Get advice, know your rights!

Did the officer have his body cam on I wonder?

This was early 2025, so just before the mandatory roll out of BWV in our force.
Officers can also deactivate in private homes which they are likely to do if they're just 'having a chat' at home like the op described.

There was no correct answer to that question really, if he had it on then it wasn’t an informal chat and if he had it off he wasn’t protecting himself or following procedure. Just because something wasn’t mandatory doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be the correct thing to do when interviewing a minor.

Just popping in to offer solidarity and a hug, OP - I can’t offer legal advice but I do know something about how terrifying this all is and what this level of stress does to a parent. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself as well as worrying about DS - eating properly, getting as much sleep as you can. Whatever lies ahead, you’ll face it as a family and you’ll come out the other side

I really appreciate all the comments. Thank You. Of course I understand the bigger picture in that there is another young person involved who has reported the incident/crime. I am going out of my mind with worry as to how my autistic DS will cope with this process once it comes out and he has to go to the station. Every day I wake up wishing it was a dream, Ive lost half a stone in 2 weeks- I just can't stomach any food and feel constantly sick.

I think it's really poor that they haven't been in touch to give you more detail - the uncertainty they've left you with is just cruel. Have you got a date that they intend to give you more detail? If not, I'd be pushing for one - don't let it drop until they give you something concrete. At least when you know what you're dealing with, you can tackle it head on. The uncertainty is certainly worse Xxx

@Clarehandaust My DD was interviewed at school by the police with me present. It was a chat and no body cam. Not sure they took notes either. Just felt wrong. So no, don’t trust them!

If they interview him with you present record the conversation on your phone with Otter Voice Notes. It transcribes notes and stores in the cloud. You'll need to create an account first (free). It is not illegal to record conversations and recordings are admissible in court. SEN mum (complex) here x

Oh believe me they took notes
And their notes would be used against you if necessary.

@Clareat2021 I’m capable of seeing if notes are being taken. It was indeed a chat and the child alleging a criminal act made it up. My DD gave the police a lot of info they didn’t know. I took notes.

I am panicking as well because when they first came to the house and only spoke to me I was petrified and extremely upset and spoke about DS's autism struggles/some of his characteristics. I am so scared I have made it worse for him. I was so blindsided and in utter shock. I still am.

@Stressedoutmybox How does what you said matter? It’s not evidence! Unless you are beating yourself up because you know DS could have done something criminal and you excuse his behaviour? But that’s still not evidence!

They would’ve written them up afterwards.
Including your DD’s comments.
and would’ve used them against you if necessary despite their claims of it being an informal chat there’s no such thing people really do need to be careful anyway. Not here to wind up the OP who is quite stressed enough