I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

Op I remember your original posts. You're clearly full of remorse and shame. I really do hope you get a light sentence, I don't see the benefit to the community of you going to prison and your children being without their mum. You are highly unlikely to reoffend and a heavy sentence wouldn't stop others doing the same.

I'm not going to respond and get into a debate with others on the thread. This is really just to say that Im wishing you well for the future.

Maybe in the future you will come back and tell us how things have turned around for you x

You wrote: “Unfortunately I've not paid anything back yet, it took me some time to get back on my feet after losing my job and decline in M/H”.

Where does it say there that you have started paying? This is what I mean, you minimise and go into denial. You are not clear about your actions.

@CremeCarmel that was wrote at the very beginning of December. Things have progressed at a rapid rate since then. I am far from being in denial but thankyou for your input, even if it is incorrect!

Come on lovey, let’s get this in some perspective. You have made a mistake, you’re making it right and you should be proud. Your children should be proud of this version of you!

the gambling companies prey on people and when you’re in it it’s very difficult to get out of. I know stealing is very wrong but in my opinion you’ve haven’t stole from an elderly neighbor or vulnerable individual, which obviously says something about your character-

your children are of an age where you should beable to explain truthfully what has happened and what the outcomes may be. Let them know if it is the worst that could happen youll be away for a couple of years (prisons are over flowing so you won’t be in for long) let them know where they will stay reassure them they will be able to visit, write and you can ring them. Tell them that it’s not for ever and yes you made a mistake and you never meant to hurt anyone. Let them know about the court process.

for further adobe look at. https://www.google.co.uk/url?q=childrenheardandseen.co.uk/&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwjlxqzsrpqSAxWFWUEAHZkUEwkQFnoECBQQAg&usg=AOvVaw2zpAYnw86KmMowNJvh0ej4

and there are other charities that can advise.

please remember you are not a bad person, this doesn’t define you. You’ve haven’t hurt or killed anyone and it not the end of the world. X

OP, I have only read your posts and a few others but you are obviously getting some serious grief from some posters.

Try not to fixate too much on the actual final figure, let your solicitor deal with that. They may suggest the LA had some level of responsibility in not having sufficient robust checks in place (while not exonerating you, obviously).

Have the Court indicated a possible sentence and are you working with Probation for a Pre-Sentence Report (PSR) ? Lots of people will try to scare you by telling you will go to prison but realistically no Courts want to send people to prison if there are better ways to deal with their punishment. You do still need to be prepared for a custodial sentence though.

Your solicitor (or Barrister) will speak for you but you could ask to address the Judge directly with a written statement which you could read in Court. In that you could, briefly, explain what lead you to steal the money, admit you wanted to be caught and why, detail the remorse you feel for everyone damaged by your actions, detail the help you have sought and how committed to it you are, and detail the actions and efforts you are making to repay the money.

Also, make it clear that you will comply with whatever sentence the Judge may give and hope that they can see their way clear to offering a Community Order to allow you to make further restitution in that way. Say that your personal shame is punishing and will stay with you for the rest of your life.

@Quiethelper I'm sure you're just trying to be reassuring but minimising what the OP has done by saying she hasn't stolen from the vulnerable doesn't help her. For a start, she has stolen from the vulnerable. She stole from the local authority who spend the bulk of their money supporting vulnerable people. Second, if she takes that tack in court it will do her no favours. She needs to understand and admit to the impact.

She is well aware of the impact saying she will pay it off all back even if it takes the rest of her life. The LA will have insurance for this kind of thing and she repeated ask for them to take back her credit card.

at no point has she suggested that she would plead not guilty and has already plead guilty. She knows and admits she is guilty. She has also stated suicidal thoughts so I don’t really get what you’re trying to do here?
would you like her to punish herself even more? What more can the poor lady do?
She hasn’t deliberately set out to cause harm, after growing up in care with no family support she’s made a big mistake but not nearly the worst kind of mistake people with addictions can make.

I stand my my support for the OP. She is doing the right thing now and should be supported for this.

"Not hurt anyone"?
Well she's hurt herself and her children. She's hurt her future, whatever befalls, and if you read my previous post, she may well have hurt other people not previously considered. Shes certainly hurt the public purse on several levels, both the theft and the public resources.

None of these are things to be minimised.

And at her current rate of payback (assuming the middle figure) it will take her over 38 years to repay the theft.

That money is a drop in the ocean for a LA and it would be covered by insurance.

what do you want her to do at this point? She’s stated suicidal thoughts at times? You carry on like this and you don’t know what will happen to a person who you don’t know behind a screen.

You need to have a serious think before you post as you could hurt someone more that you may ever know.

Or read my previous post giving personal experience of the effects of a similar crime on someone close to me. I'm a real person too.

Unfortunately I can’t see your previous post, and sorry someone has been affected by this kind of thing,

but this lady is trying to make it right. Instead of judgment on a lady WHO is trying to make this right admits guilt and has remorse, look at the real problem which is the gambling companies who are set up to exploit people at their lowest.

I'm sure you're just trying to be reassuring but minimising what the OP has done by saying she hasn't stolen from the vulnerable doesn't help her. For a start, she has stolen from the vulnerable. She stole from the local authority who spend the bulk of their money supporting vulnerable people

Totally agree with @Espressosummer - this is categorically not a victim-less crime. Those posters advising the OP to get in touch with social services should probably realise that those are the services that get cut every time a local authority loses money (or someone embezzles from it). That’s all of our taxes, not only getting diverted from the people who need LA services, but also being used in their own inquiries and auditing, and legal procedures. People saying it will be insured against are on a different planet entirely!

I am so sorry that this is happening to you growing up in the care system is horrible. You seem to be doing everything you can to make amends make sure you do everything you need to do for your court appearance. Surely you doctors will write a letter you are showing real remorse. I will pray for you.

OP wrote that at the beginning of December. She had been told she had to wait until they had arrived at the total figure to be paid back. With an organisation like a local authority you can’t just set up a payment plan, you need a court order. That’s what appears to have happened between then and now and a payment plan has been set up.

OP acknowledged this herself upthread. She knows the consequences of her actions, so what’s the point of going over and over things ad nauseam ?

Social services are there to protect children in all circumstances. These children and their mum have a tough time on their hand. Stop shaming this lady. She has admitted her mistake. is she less worthy than others who potentially need help from social services?

check out the total of her thread again. SHE IS SHOWING REMORSE!!!!!!
what else should she do? She’s not come here for judgment - she has stated suicidal thoughts! Give her a break, stop being so judgmental, you don’t know her life story.

Have you been told that you will definitely receive a custodial sentence or is this something you're just worried will be a potential outcome?
The judge will take your personal life into account and the impact and custodial sentence would have on your children etc before issuing the outcome of the case.
Please don't tell your children anything until you know the EXACT outcome of the case.
What has your solicitor advised is the most likely outcome?

Very foolish, which you accept - given your circumstances I would be surprised if you did any jail time, it will likely be suspended. If you do have to do some time it won't be anywhere near 10 years.
Good luck, you will get through it!!

She stole from the local authority who spend the bulk of their money supporting vulnerable people.

Our local authority spent over £30k on two god awful tin sculptures erected in the high street. Meanwhile my elderly relative who is largely bedbound and receiving LA home care to which she has to contribute £140 a week, has been told she will need to soil herself into an adult nappy every night from 8pm until the morning carers come in, because they don’t have enough staff to cover. Her contribution is based on 7 hours of care per week - one hour per day over three visits. From personal observation the average visit last no more than ten minutes.

I’m not condoning for one minute what the OP has done but lets not pretend that LAs don’t waste a significant proportion of tax payers money on crap, while the vulnerable can’t access proper levels of care for which they are paying.

LA's, the NHS, the government all blow money like water - but theft is still theft, it's no different who you steal it from.

That's not a line for the OP to take, remorse and understanding of the impact of her actions is what she needs to show.

You need to take advice from your lawyers as to what you can enter in mitigation and the potential outcome. It seems unlikely you would ever be able to pay back 70k+ even if you were earning again. How did the second amount disappear without you being able to account for it? There must be a paper trail of transfers/invoices somewhere, even if you paid it direct to creditors or fake suppliers.

Yes, and if there has been any negligence in due diligence on the part of the gambling operators then she’s perfectly entitled to seek that reparation.

The operators abide by safeguarding rules set by the gambling commission. If an operator is found to be in breach of those rules then they are liable to be fined and asked to return funds to the customer. OP is simply asking that in the event an operator is held liable, that those funds be returned to the LA directly as they are the rightful owners and this will help to pay down her debt. Or would you prefer that operators are free of any obligation and allowed to profit at the expense of vulnerable addicts ?

It is theft and she's taking responsibility but there should been more stringent checks and auditing. I can't believe the extra unaccounted for money can be added on without evidence that she took it.

Ignore!

I wasn’t suggesting that OP take this line in any way shape or form. And l’ve already said l don’t condone what she’s done. I was simply answering a poster perpetuating the pile on by reiterating, yet again, the gravity of what she’s done, and the impact on the vulnerable, despite OP’s repeated acknowledgement of that very fact. She is remorseful. She does understand the impact of what she’s done - evident in almost every post. And yet still many posters feel compelled to ignore the reason she posted, choosing to fill up the thread with smug, judgemental comments that have all been made repeatedly. How is this helpful ?