I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

Gambling is an addiction and a hard one to break regardless of who you are and what your circumstances are. The OP has admitted her wrong doing and is prepared to be punished as well as paying back what is owed, not something that can possibly be done right now whilst a legal case is going through the motions.
Really no need for your spiteful post

@Scaredashell13 I am not sure if this is feasible but is it not possible as part of disclosure that your former employer hands over all the invoices and associated payment authorisation they are claiming you stole. All you need is one or two to an approved supplier where it can be checked they supplied a product to your employer. That then casts doubt on the rest of the invoices where you know you didn’t steal the money.

I hope your honesty and willingness to repay count in your favour.

I guess the thing is, she reached out for support and kindness. She IS being held accountable and facing punishment for her actions. That’s how the legal system in the uk works. No doubt it has had significant ramifications on her personal relationships as well, not least to her relationship with her children. It doesn’t require everyone - strangers included - to shout FOR SHAME at her as well. It just feels a bit pointless to come on and ‘stick the boot in’ to someone who might be going to prison and is talking about being potentially suicidal. The punishment for stealing isnt public humiliation. Some of you would have loved the stocks, wouldn’t you?

Whilst people are getting put in jail for a bit of shoplifting. I don't get it!

Larger amount of money but very similar and she got over six years in prison. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy4m7zm73ymo.amp

so yes you probably do need to prepare your kids sadly for the possibility of a prison sentence. Is their dad not on the scene at all?

I guess one issue is whether they think you can pay it all back? At £100 a month you won’t be able to so they will feel that a punishment needs to be imposed

my ex boss did this to our company and also went to prison. Think he got 4 years iirc

HTH is this possible? Is everyone at it? I just don't understand how people are getting away with stealing the value of a deposit on a house, a brand new car, a years wage. I googled prison theft and loads of search results for a couple of hundred quids worth of stuff, robbed from a supermarket, over a few days and straight to jail they go.

Are you being charged with fraud or theft? You can look up the specific sentencing guidelines and mitigating factors etc. you may just get a suspended sentence.

It’s worrying that your barrister is not interested in the fact your employer is accusing you of stealing a much higher amount. It could mean you have to repay a lot more, or could make you look dishonest.

Raise your concerns with the solicitor first, but if they don’t make more effort on this, you can apply for an adjournment if you want to change your barrister.

She was caught. She didn't 'own up'.

How to give genuinely remorseful people who have a serious gambling addiction and working their way out of it a degree of hope. Please don't worry about posts like this OP. The situations can't be compared.

She reached out for support and kindness
This is on a par with “don’t judge me”, though. You don’t get to dictate other people’s opinions.
Nor can you demand “kindness” when you’re admitting to full scale fraud on your employers.

Why can’t the situations be compared? Apart from the scale of the theft, they’re no different.
And op would likely have continued if she hadn’t been caught, so the amounts could well have ended up directly comparable also.

Talk about kicking someone when they down ! Don’t worry , you won’t be sent to prison .

OK. But she's properly caught, the court will decide what action to take, she's accepting consequences, she knows it was wrong. What purpose does berating her further serve?

I know. I was furious.

In terms of your children, I think all you can do is tell them that you made a mistake which was quite serious and even though you're doing all you can now to make things right to break it in for them

Please don't frame it as a "mistake". Everyone makes mistakes. This wasn't one. You don't want your DC to be scared of being punished for a mistake.

Instead, in age appropriate language, you need to tell them that you did something wrong. Please do get advice from one of the support organisations already flagged on here about how to tell them, and notify the school of your situation.

I really hope you don't get jailed but you need to prepare in case you do

It seems the well off steal a fortune & that's OK. The poor steal a load of prime, some haribo, a few loafs of bread and some baked beans and they are banged to rights. I'm furious too...at the injustice of it all. Our legal system is a shambles.

I'm still hoping the OP gets a suspended sentence, but it's bloody unfair.

Yea but the purpose of the thread wasn’t ’do you think I’ve done a good thing?’ was it? It was ‘I’ve done a shit thing and would appreciate kindness and support while I face the consequences of my actions’.

Do I judge people who steal? Sure. Do I judge addicts who behave badly? Yup. Do I NEED to tell them that in the places they seek support? i guess only you can answer that for yourself but I don’t because I’m not a nob.

Really? Can you guarantee that? My post wasn’t intended to kick anyone while they were down. The op was asking about should she tell her kids what’s happening and when there is a possibility that she might go to prison as evidenced by previous cases then my point is yes she should. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

It’s down to police prioritisation. I guess in their view, people on the streets harassing shop workers and the general public to steal drug money are a priority to prosecute, versus a white collar criminal who funnels invoice payments into their own bank account to fund luxurious holidays that their salary wouldn’t afford under normal circumstances. 🤷‍♀️ I’m still very bitter about it.

Bear in mind that this woman and her husband denied the charges, whereas OP has acknowledged that she is guilty.

This is the podcast. Listen to the lot, but episode 15, Laura's story is of most relevance to you:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/banged-up/id1502710680

None. She said upthread.

It was shoplifting, not stealing cash to feed addiction. Or maybe some of them do, to feed a gambling addiction per se. No one gives them any sympathy. I would prioritise the person stealing public funds over those stealing bread, no shopkeepers or members of the public were harassed because they wanted to quietly get away with it.

If someone with NFA stole a little of bit of money to feed their meth habit, they'd be torn to pieces. If a banker embezzled a load of money and snorted it up his nose, we wouldn't hear about it because addiction was the problem and not them and it probably wouldn't even get to court.

Sorry, this is almost nonsensical, I just find it so infuriating. It's such a corrupt playing field.

@CremeCarmel you obviously only read posts that suit you. I have always said I intend to repay, had to wait for the invoice to be produced in order to set up a standing order, which is in place and I am repaying slowly, with payments actually being made

I agree that gambling is as insidious as an addiction to drugs and alcohol. You have a problem. You have done all you can to fix it. Try to hold your head high and move forward.