I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

This. OP says she didn’t reconcile any of the payments - legitimate or otherwise - which she made during the time she misused the card. As you say, it suggests negligence on the part of whoever was managing the account, and it’s also worrying that OP’s request to relinquish the card was ignored. My worry would be that others are trying to shift the blame for their own failures onto OP.

She hasn’t accepted full responsibility. She still has clouded thinking that comes from denial which means that the forensic accountant may discover more. There is a reason that op got away with this - she is able to pull the wool over people’s eyes so that they trust her and this allows her to get away with crime. I am watching that unfold on this thread. I don’t believe that op’s priority here is the dc. I just don’t. She has said nothing about using the money to better their lives. It was used to feed an addiction. My guess is that op is using this thread to get her story straight and on the strength of the replies she’s cracked it.

It isn’t kindness to allow an addict to continue in their denial. Breaking through the addictive pattern of thinking is truly painful when you face up to the damage you cause to yourself and the lives of others - because there is always a cost to a serious addiction like this one. Saying this is not cruelty. It is truly facing up to the consequences of one’s addiction. Doing so ensures that you probably never go there again.

Enabling a confessed addict and thief to continue with denial is not helpful. It really isn’t. You can be kind to someone but still really face the truth which, when you really look at this, the Op hasn’t quite got there yet. And it doesn’t mean beating herself up. It just means taking a clear eyed look at this.

I think they automatically pay off the balances and reconcile the receipts to the statements afterwards. It would be more important to maintain the LA's credit record than not pay the bill. Most people will use cards responsibly. Some will make errors - I once paid for my fuel on a company card (I confused it with my own Barclaycard) but immediately admitted it and reimbursed the company. Actual fraud is really rare.

OP has pleaded guilty, she will not have to tell a story so there’s no need to get it straight or test it out here.

She didn’t steal the money to better her children’s lives, she stole it to fund her gambling addiction - that was clear from the outset. Would you think it better if she’d spent it all on her kids?

She may well be in denial about the damage her addiction has caused her and others around her. Given she’s not yet through the justice system I’d say that’s pretty normal. I agree with you that she will need to face up to that, but she doesn’t need to do that on the thread, with unqualified people who are insisting on it out of some pious attitude. Maybe they can share their most shameful moments and we can all pile on and tell them what to do? OP says she’s in contact with specialist recovery organisations and that’s the right place to start. People seem to feel entitled to sackcloth and ashes on the thread.

The Op has been waiting for the council to put together the repayment plan. She just can’t send them money every week.

This. I’ve been trying to find the right words to say exactly this, and you’ve summed it up perfectly. MN really is a nest of vipers sometimes.

I just hope that well meaning people are not dm’ing the op with kind offers of financial support, that’s all.

Oh for goodness sake, haven’t you got anything better to do than keep piling on ?

You purport to know a lot about addiction. But do you really know what it means to feed an addiction? Do you know the Impact of that on dc?

I’m sure you’ll be back to tell us that you have vast experience of all of the things that you mention. That being the case I find it really odd that you are so rigid in your approach - to the point of cynicism, and not understanding of any of the circumstances or pressures which may have contributed to OP doing what she did. No compassion, no understanding. Just judgement.

I do actually. And I also know that posters repeatedly shaming the OP isn’t actually going to help her or her children.

Not everything needs to be said out loud, does it? Tbh, imo the OP has done the right thing - no doubt her actions have thrown an absolute grenade into the lives of those closest to her. It may be unreasonable for her to reach out to those closest to her because they’ve been personally hurt by her. Reaching out to uninvested, and uninvolved strangers for kindness and support is far better and less manipulative than trying to seek it from those she has potentially hurt.

OP, I really do wish you well. I don’t know if you will go to prison or not (I don’t actually agree with prison for crimes like this in most scenarios) BUT I do know that even if you do, there’s always a way through. Keep posting and ignore the self righteous cunts. ❤️ onwards and upwards.

I get the impression you hope people have and that they end up being fleeced.

I would assume any mind altering medication can lead to uncharacteristic behaviour in people with a more susceptible chemistry or nature

I don’t purport to know a lot about addiction. I have lived with addicts and I know several people in long-term recovery. Trust me I know how it feels to be at the mercy of someone else’s pain and to have your life turned upside down by it. And when I was in the grip of someone else’s addiction I was angry and desperate to make them see the harm they were causing. I raged and shouted and tried to force them out of denial. But guess what? It didn’t work. Because that doesn’t work. I can be objective with anyone else going through addiction because I’m not personally harmed by it and than therefore see what little control I have. And often, that they have - until they’re ready.

If you were OP’s child, or partner, then your attitude would be understandable because it’s causing you personal harm and it’s absolutely maddening when someone doesn’t see it. But (I’m guessing) OP isn’t either of those things to you, so either you’re just moralising or you’re transferring your frustration and pain onto her. If that’s where you’re coming from then I get it and I’m sorry you’ve been through that too because it’s miserable. But it’s still not right to harangue OP or accuse her of being in denial or imply she doesn’t care about her kids.

During lockdown I signed up for a bingo site. I thought it would be a fun game, it really wasn’t what I thought so I decided to leave. Closing the account was almost impossible. Gambling needs a total overhaul. Probably brings too much revenue though.

I worked for a LA for over 20 years. Lots of financial shenanigans for those who worry how local funds have been wasted. Jobs for relatives (who then do no work), managers constantly restructuring to give themselves more money, contracts for mates, things going missing, money spent on nothing (8 grand on a 1 hour event for 8 people was one that stood out). Like the NHS, it’s not that there isn’t enough money, the system allows so much of it to be wasted.
Im not saying what OP did was okay but those worry about the knock on to local services have no idea.

@IsntItDarkOut Even worse than the bingo is the slots they have on the same sites there all the time-you can't block them either. Slots are far more addictive than bingo and should be in there own distinct section not easily accessible on the side of the page so people don't just go on them whilst playing bingo and develop a far worse addiction than a bit of bingo (not that you can't get into trouble with bingo). They give people free spins as well. I don't know why the gambling commission hasn't addressed this. Slots are just the worst evil.

@Scaredashell13 I hope you're ok. I don't know when you're hearing is, but Im hoping it turns out well for you. 💐💐💐💐💐

@Scaredashell13i hope you're doing ok x