I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

I'm hardly going to ignore the devastating consequences of a similar crime on someone close to me.
I'm just describing how it felt to be on the receiving end of something that was life-changing.

Oh OP, I think you're getting a hard ride from a few people here, but you've admitted you were at fault, and have been taking steps to resolve this.
I know someone who stole over £150k from her employer (a car company), and didn't get jail time. She had terrible mental health, and only had to repay about £100k, and do 2 years probation. They did have to sell their house to repay the amount, though. This was a friend's wife, so I do know many of the ins and outs here.

And at her current rate of payback (assuming the middle figure) it will take her over 38 years to repay the theft.

Nobody is minimising anything, least of all OP. And l’m glad you brought up the amount of time it will take OP to pay the money back, because she is doing her best to try to speed that up by looking to whether the gambling operators have breached safeguarding rules and diverting any refunds they may owe her directly to the local authority. But it seems even that isn’t enough, with some posters aghast that she should be looking to the gambling operators to honour their commitments and help her pay it back faster. She can’t win.

But this thread isn’t about you, and it’s not why OP posted. She knows what she’s done and she knows the impact. At what point will she be contrite enough for people to stop piling on ?

Because the whole point of prison is both a deterrent and for rehabilitation. If OP is sent to prison, losing her job, home and custody of her children she is massively more likely to sink back into her addiction and commit more crimes upon release than she is if she is able to keep her kids, house and job and slowly pay the money back while getting addiction treatment.

The point of the justice system is to stop more crimes happening not just punish those who commit them.

I feel so terribly sorry for you. How horrendous this must be for you to deal with.

That you admitted it straight away, have been paying it back and have entered a guilty plea must count for something. Prison seems like a pointless exercise in so many cases as it just puts a stop to trying to make amends.

I really hope you will be OK. You have found the strength from somewhere to keep going so hold on to that whatever the outcome.

I'm not piling on. I'm describing how criminal action affects other people, which is think is relevant to the subject of this thread.

You may disagree, but a difference of opinion doesn't make either of us right or wrong.

@BitsyBopyour opinion of the sentence doesn’t take everything into account. The punishment of a criminal record is much wider reaching than ‘just’ the suspended sentence.

You have to declare the record to your home insurance, costing you more, your car insurance, when travelling abroad you have to declare it to dozens of countries (and EU after 2026) and may not get a U.S./Canada/Japan/China/ Aus/NZ visa. You also have to declare it if you want to move to any of those nations.

If an employer asks you directly about criminal records you legally have to tell them if it is unspent. A suspended sentence means the record will NEVER be wiped from her advanced DBS check and police record. She will never work for a government or financial services company again… and anything in education/healthcare/banking is also more difficult.

It’s not ‘just’ a suspended sentence.

You poor love, you’ve really been through it. Have you had a chance to speak to your babies? Gambling addiction is a mental health issue surely there’s an element of diminished responsibility there?

This. With bells on.

Would it not be helpful to scrape together as much as you can so that you have actual evidence of starting to pay back?

This is absolute tosh. Have you seen my post about Thurrock Council? You have no idea how inept councils waste money.

Hey OP. I just wanted to give you a big hug. I do feel for you. I've never got into proper gambling but I've got carried away with scratch cards before now and I just know if I ever tried the websites I'd spiral right out of control. I hate that they're allowed to advertise them. Gambling ruins so many lives.

I've no experience so can't advise on the judicial side of things, but am wishing you luck. With your children I'd advise you sit down with them and tell them the whole truth. Let the school know so they are ready to support them and can be understanding of behavioural changes. What will happen to them in the event that you go to prison? Do they have any close friends whose parents might take them in?

Of course LAs waste money but that is irrelevant to my post. I was responding to someone claiming the OP hasn't hurt anyone vulnerable with her theft. Up to 80% of LA budgets go on care services and we all know what gets cut first. I was advising the OP doesn't take the attitude of that poster (minimising it because she didn't steal from the vulnerable) into court. She just needs to do what she has done on this thread and be honest and take responsibility.

Which bit of my post was "absolute tosh"? The bit where I said vulnerable people suffer when LA's are defrauded? Or the bit where i said the majority of LA money is spent on the vulnerable? Or the bit about how if the OP takes the view in court that she hasn't hurt anyone then she won't be doing herself any favours?

And yes, I know how inept councils are and I've read about Thurrock before. Still irrelevant to the OP stealing.

Oh what an awful situation for you! Gambling addiction is horrendous and I’ve read many stories on the lengths people will go to to fund the addiction so you have my sympathies there. With regard to preparing the children, I would first have a clear concrete, and agreed plan on who will care for them in the event you receive a custodial sentence. This will help when you explain to them the possibility of prison and what will happen to them. I feel going in and saying you may go to prison without explaining how that looks for them will cause them greater fear and anxiety than anything. Research and look into the visitation schedules for prisons and explain how often they will be able to see/ speak to you. I would also make photo albums of you and them to keep in the event you go to prison for them to look at. I’d also record something of you speaking to them, telling them how much you love them, are proud of them (build a bear with recorder in or something along those lines!) for those times when they are sad, or missing you and just want to hear your voice. I would explain to them that mum has made a very very big mistake and has taken some money that wasn’t yours, because you were poorly at the time and that made you make bad choices. Now you are better you know how awful those choices were and that unfortunately you are in lots of trouble, and as a result may have to go to prison. Also explain it is not a definite, but that a judge makes that decision and that the worst case is that that could happen, that you don’t know for how long that will be but they will be safe and will live with XYZ person.

This is my worst nightmare so I feel so strongly for you and your children. Yes you made a terrible decision but I’m sad for you that you and your children may have to pay a big price for that.

All the best xx

She hasn’t though has she? She’s not hurt someone vulnerable. It’s unfair to say that about her. She feels dreadful she’s not minimising.
the money will have to be paid back and she’s plead guilty.
How much more sorry does she have to be? She’s defrauded a local authority not someone vulnerable so stop saying she has.

Has your solicitor said it would be a prison sentence? It seems crazy that they've waited 18 months for you to get back on your feet, for you then to have to start again. Without a job and a prison record paying it back will be impossible. Surely a suspended sentence and community service would be better.
Have you made your current employer aware of your situation? I crime like this is likely to be in local newspapers.

This

She stole from the local authority who spend the bulk of their money supporting vulnerable people.

And you have no invoices for these “work purposes”?

OP has got actual evidence, there is an order for payment in place. She was clear in the update on 3rd December that she had been told she couldn’t start repayments until the authorities had collated the debt and a court order was in place with a repayment amount specified. Since that post she’s updated to say she is now required to pay £100 a month which will be revised if and when her full time working hours are confirmed - dependent on the outcome of the court proceedings.

Exactly this 🥰

OP said in an update that she couldn’t directly account for the £31k as she didn’t properly reconcile the legitimate payments because she wanted to be caught. Lots of posters missing this. If the money was paid out on a LA issued credit card then l would have thought the LA will be required to prove to the court via statements, that OP spent the money herself, which she denies, and which she says her bank records don’t reflect.

Intentionally not reconciling Local Authority accounts? Intentionally channeling them to incorrect third parties? That sounds criminal to me

No, the bit where you completely ignored the fact that OP has already admitted to what she’s done and acknowledged the impact on vulnerable service users, so that you can continue to shame her for what she already accepts and admits to. OP hasn’t said anywhere that it’s a victimless crime or that she hasn’t hurt anyone, and she’s doing her best to make amends.