I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

Oh bless you. I agree it was a monumental fuck up but you’re making yourself ill.

I believe your mitigating circumstances, coupled with your cooperation and early guilty plea will end in a suspended sentence.

Keep talking to us xx

I really feel for you, what a horrible situation. Other posters more experienced than I am have, hopefully, provided some reassurance with regard to a custodial sentence. You do have to talk to your children about this though. Try not to feel shame, addiction is an illness, and as a recovering alcoholic, I do have some insight into how damaging addiction can be. Sending you love and light.

A friend did a similar thing several years ago, I think it was around £12k. She was a single mum and ended up selling her house to pay back the money.

I've just asked her and she said she got 12 months suspended, an alcohol treatment order and had 40 rehabilitation days which were basically just an hour every week with other women offenders through the probation office. I remember when it happened and she absolutely fell apart for the 12 months until it went to court. I tried to support her by cooking meals and things, but she was so terrified.

Try and focus on your DC @Scaredashell13 Keep busy if you can.

My old boss was caught doing this, gambling problem too. Stole just under 100k, ended up with a 2 year prison sentence, reduced from 4 years on the basis that before being caught he had already repaid from big wins some of what he'd stolen. His wife was pregnant at the time, but that's obviously a different situation to you being a single parent.

The most important thing here is you don't allow this news to undo all the good work you've done.
Don't let those feelings of inadequacy etc creep in.
Repeat your mantras, whatever works for you, you are good enough, you are doing well, etc. Ask your kids to boost you up (you don't need to tell them why).

Due to mitigating factors, and being a single parent, it is really unlikely that you will go to prison. You will likely get a suspended sentence, and that could affect your employment so just bear that in mind. But mainly, try not to panic and try not to spiral. You should be really proud of yourself for how you have recovered and grown in the last two years.

Cannot add to all the advice given but I send you a BIG hug and a comforting arm round your shoulder when you need it.

I'm pretty certain you'll get a community sentence with unpaid work and you'll be told to repay the amount

Remember that a custodial sentence is designed to keep society safe from someone who poses immediate danger.
Our prisons are bursting at the seams. You have no place there.
At most you'll get a slap on the wrist a fine that the repayments will be so miniscule that you'll be dead before you make a dent in it and possibly some community service with a suspended sentence.
Sleep easy tonight op and accept full responsibility for what you have done and demonstrate remorse. You'll be fine xx

Oh yes, a suspended sentence is more likely actually on reflection. And there'll be some sort of punitive element to it.

I am so sorry this has happened. Naturally you are frightened and worried for your children. There's nothing to be ashamed of in feeling scared. Yes, you made a terrible mistake - but kudos to you for owning up to it, and not trying to blame anyone but yourself. You have been so strong and courageous up till now. I'm honestly impressed at how you bounced back from that mistake, found and new job, and got things together. I hope things work out well for you and your children.

Just be honest , cooperate , do the right thing and contact social services in advance just in case or have a very honest discussion with any other party that might be called on - I would also discuss with solicitor what the likely scenarios are because to say nothing and let it go all the way without telling children of their is a strong possibility of custodial would in my opinion be wrong too .

Police have nothing to do with courts, or even charging in most cases.

They have investigative (and protective) powers, collect the information, and pass it onto the prosecution service who charge and organise the prosecution. Arrest is an investigative tool, not about guilt. Bail and police custody is a protective tool not about guilt.

Anyone can do the investigation and passing on information part. And anyone can even do it bypassing the prosecution service and instead privately prosecute. Although the prosecution service is obliged to take over if they think it is actually in the public interest. And obliged to close it down in some cases.

I'd prepare yourself for prison OP . Stealing from your employer is seen as serious and it's a substantial amount. The two cases I personally know of for similar amounts resulted in prison but if you plead guilty and with mitigating circumstances you'll probably only serve a third of any sentence.

It has taken 10 odd years to come to court? That seems a bloody long time to be living with this on your mind. Hope it all works out for you OP.

I know of someone who did get a custodial sentence for stealing public money. He also stole from a friend. All to fund gambling. He was an accountant. This guy stole around half a mil though, which makes your amount seem tiny. He also didn’t have kids at the time. I think for the amount and circumstances a custodial sentence is really unlikely.

I think you will get a suspended sentence. You are a female and a mother and luckily that will go in your favour. Plus the crime isn’t a violent one etc. so I really hope for you you get a suspended sentence. Try to keep calm, all will be ok.

You can look at the sentencing guidelines here https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/guidelines/fraud/?source=7511
It seems like you would sit in the range where you could receive a suspended sentence, but you should 100% speak to a lawyer asap

Similar here -

A council worker who stole more than £48,000 from the authority to fund her gambling habit has been jailed.
Kathryn Macdonald, 37, of Leckwith, Cardiff, used fake emails to divert Vale of Glamorgan Council tax money to her own bank account, a court heard.
She pleaded guilty to the theft of £48,391.38 and was jailed for 18 months at Cardiff Crown Court.
Recorder Peter Griffiths QC described her actions as "sophisticated, planned and a gross breach of trust".
Macdonald was employed by the council in June 2016 before being appointed as a revenue assistant the following year, giving her access to council tax databases.
Between November 2017 and April 2018 she targeted 19 accounts, raising council tax exemptions so it appeared as if residents were owed money.
Prosecutor Chris Evans said Macdonald would create a fictional email in a customer's name and contact the council requesting the money be paid to a bank account, but supply her own sort code and account number.

Macdonald was caught after an elderly man queried a detail on his account in April and she was arrested a month later.
Stephen Thomas, defending, said Macdonald was ashamed of what she had done and all the money had gone to cover her losses.
"There were no foreign holidays, no large household purchases. It all went on gambling - there's none left and there's no savings," he added.
Recorder Griffiths said: "What you did was steal £48,391.38 from the council that otherwise would have been used for all the diverse things councils do."
A council spokesman said the money was "intended to support vital services and infrastructure within the county" and Macdonald had been immediately suspended once the authority became aware of the theft.

I agree with all the other supportive comments here, that yes, this was a big fuck up on your part but, you've done everything humanly possible to make sure it doesn't happen again, and to make restitution. You didn't wait for them to come to you, (you went to them and admitted your crime, that has to count for something), You're on medication, you're under medical care, you've done everything that they've asked you to do.
You show true contrition, and you seem honestly like you're trying to make things right.
I certainly hope that whomever it is who you're speaking to who has any kind of final say on what kind of sentence you may receive, can see how much you're trying to do to make up for your laps of judgment which again, gambling is an addiction, and most people who commit a crime while under the influence of their addictive element are not usually punished as seriously, if that at all helps.
I know you must be worried out of your mind, but at this point, I would say take care of yourself, try your best to do so, take care of your children, if there's any more proof that you can gather up to show whatever they need, either what you took, where it was spent, or if you have any journal or diary entries that you might have written at the time to yourself? Something that shows that you were in a really bad place, something that shows your mental state at the time? Anything that you wrote in a journal/diary afterwards saying about how sorry you were and how you want to do everything you can to make it right? Cuz that's got to count for something too right?
Don't know if you have such documents but they probably would be helpful if you did....
You can't change the past, focus on gathering any evidence you can find that they may need so at least you're prepared, and yeah, you will want to tell your kids an age appropriate version of what's going on, you don't want to add more stress into their lives especially pre-Christmas but you know what it doesn't really matter. Stuff happens to people all throughout the year.... At the ages you said your kids are, I think they're old enough to get it.
I'd be very surprised if at the age of 12 and 15 your sons had never nicked anything out of a store even once, almost all kids do by that age, so they probably get it, too. Hopefully they don't understand the addictive element, but they can understand that what you did was a problem, that you tried to get help, that you're trying to make amends, but there will be some kind of punishment involved. They need to understand this, it's only fair for them.

A family member did something similar with double that amount. They did community service & paid the money back - also had a traumatic childhood. A few years later now have a successful job & doing well. They received counselling & they have turned their life around. Good luck x

It happened 2 years ago.

We try to keep children particularly from entering the care system. I think you could have followed up after the first interview - why didn’t you?

You can assist your case by:

Getting written medical evidence of your breakdown and mental health at the time of the offence.

The impact to your children and other dependents if you have them, elderly parents etc are also considered.

Highlight you have been a pillar of the community and gain references of good character.

Your dedication to recovery

The commitment to make amends. Have you written to your old company?

The consequences of a custodial sentence - such as loss of job, children’s home and other impacts.

Be on time, show remorse. Be willing to understand your actions are harmful to the public in general.

I will say we are listing trials for 2029 nothing is going to happen for a long time.

How much money have you managed to save in the last 18 months towards paying it back? You said they couldn't take a payment at the time until the investigation was concluded but you should hopefully have managed to save a decent lump to pay back.

Hopefully by paying back a big chunk now the courts won't be looking at a custodial sentence as ultimately that won't help anyone.

Did you tell your new employer what had happened?
if no, tell them now because they’ll find out anyway.

Good luck with everything

Mumsnet is strange sometimes. If a man wrote this post he would be getting absolutely ripped to shreds.

Anyway, glad you've got some support here OP. I do hope you can pay it all back.