Pre Proceedings Case.

[Anonymous1996R]

Hey. Please no judgement. I am currently going through pre proceedings with my daughter due to historic domestic violence and mental health issue which unfortunately resulted in me losing custody of my 8 year old son and him going to live with my sister in 2020. I’ve recently had my daughter and she is in my care however we are in pre proceedings. She’s 10 weeks and there has been nothing but praise and no concerns what so ever. I have done a lot of councelling and work on domestic violence through out my pregnancy. Anyway, I have a hair strand test next week and I know it’s going to come back positive for THC. I smoke 1 to 2 spliffs a night which I feel helps me with me anxiety and helps me get to sleep as I do still suffer with my mental health and PTSD. Will my daughter be taken away from me? I don’t drink or do anything else and it does not in any way effect my care for her but I’m just very scared that I will lose my daughter. Again please no judgement and thank you in advance xx

I also wouldn’t express my pain in anyway in front of my daughter.

Once again, this shows lack of insight. Women believe they are not showing their low mood/anxiety/drug use/DA to their child when the child is exposed to it all. Not only is the child exposed, their outcomes are affected and much poorer. A huge part of the reason you are in this position now is your parents' failures - stopping this continuing for your children is the absolute priority.

Rather than focusing on why you want your child to be with you and the benefits it brings you, the mindset needs to shift to what is best for the child - can you suggest any reasons why your daughter would be better with you compared to another stable adult with no drug use? SS are looking at the best outcome for the child, not for you.

You have done brilliantly to get to where you are now given the shitty hand you were dealt with from birth - please don't think I am trying to minimise that. It is absolutely not fair you have had to go through the experiences you had. Sadly the result of your history is that many things have been normalised which are simply not so you are not seeing the perspective everyone else is.

You need to thoroughly understand their concerns.

Drink and drug use is a HUGE risk factor for SIDS. Because like you said it helps you sleep. Your daughter will go through teething, night terrors, illness, separation anxiety. All of it. Which will come with her not sleeping. You cannot be under the influence of drugs that you use to help you sleep while up with her. That's how parents fall asleep and suffocate their babies.

You have a history of violent relationships. Honestly you need to be single until your daughter is an adult. You can't trust yourself to choose a good person. Freedom program, extensive therapy. You can't model good relationships for her. You don't want her watching you on drugs or being beaten.

You have misunderstood why your cannabis use is an issue. You are self medicating with cannabis because of your mental ill health. The fact that it’s illegal is not why you’re having a drug test.

You say you have had several poor relationships. Probably best for you and your child to stay single, focus on what matters and really get strong, healthy and drug free for the foreseeable future. Your risk profile for social services will be significantly lower with you off drugs and without such a partner in the mix.