DM is homeless and penniless

[Pottlee]

I don’t know where to post this really, so apologies if it’s the wrong place.

My mum has been carer for her mum for maybe 5 years. Grandmother has now sadly passed away. Inheritance wise she has left a small amount behind, which is split between her two 60 ish year old ‘children’ (my mum and my uncle) - around £5-10k each. Mum and her brother have a fractured relationship but showed themselves to get on for the sake of their mum. Not sure it’s going to be as hunkydory now their mother has passed.

Now to the main point - my mum has nothing, like nothing to her name. She has no home (lived with her mum as carer), no money (other than the small inheritance) and no income at all. She has never worked so had made no contributions. She also had never claimed any benefits. The home she lived in with her mother will be sold and that money will go to an equity release company and to pay off a load of other debts.
What on earth happens to her now?
My uncle says she’s my responsibility now, but I would hate for that to be the case in that I don’t have room for her to live at my house, and harsh as it sounds I don’t want to become responsible for her for the rest of her life - hats off to everyone who can do it, but the idea of me having to care for her the way that she cared for her mum is just a no I’m afraid. We are close in a way but don’t get on in another. I couldn’t live with her. It would make my life unbearable and no doubt spell the end of my marriage because my DH couldn’t tolerate her daily either. My 2 DC love her but daily it would be disastrous. She is very lazy, judgemental, negative and nasty. And as I said would be able to make very little/no financial contribution.

So 1. Is she really regarded my responsibility now? 2. What should she do with regards of somewhere to live (she has no money for that) and income for the rest of her life? Is she not entitled to anything as she’s made no contributions or claimed anything at any point?

I’m aware I may come across as heartless because I don’t want to take her on so to speak, but I do want to help her set herself up somehow if she can. I’m just not in a position to be able to offer a place to live or financially.

please if anyone can advise who she can speak to or what she can do. Thank you.

I hope this comes across in the spirit I intend it but I really think you need to invest a bit of time educating yourself in the relationship between citizen and state. This will be useful in relation to your mum but also for yourself and your children. Your uncle is talking absolute nonsense but also you have entertained it.

If your mum is homeless, she must present immediately as homeless to the local authority. Your mum can apply for benefits and seek work.

Also though there is a middle ground between you doing nothing and you letting your mum move in and supporting her until her dying day - so you could support your mum with the processes of finding a home and applying for benefits for example. As she will be grieving and has limited life experience presumably this will be quite overwehlming.

Does your mum have any health issues or other vulnerabilities? Depending on how she is - because for some people 60 is still pretty young/healthy, for some it is an elderly/unhealthy decade - it may also be necessary to involve social services, but potentially not.

Why would she not be on the Electoral Roll. A form comes to the house and everyone who lives there that is eligible is supposed to be on it. You don't have to own the house or be the official tenant. Not that that would exclude her from claiming benefit or applying for housing anyway. Your brother knows nothing and, unless she has dementia or learning difficulties, 60 is not too old to look after yourself.

Do not take her in! She has to stay in her mother's house, until court issues summons for repossession,and a removal from properties date is given. If she leaves beforehand, she is deemed to have made herself "intentionally homeless". I speak from experience. If she hasn't registered with a GP at least in those 5 years, she may have difficulty proving she is allowed to reside here.

What kind of debts did your grandmother have?

If there won't be much inheritance left once the house is sold, then these duvets must've run into thousands and thousands!

That can't be right, surely?

Is she still in your grandmothers home? I wonder if your uncle really believes this nonsense or if he doesn't want her holding up the house sale.

Put your family first, your DH and DC are your priorities. She will be entitled to some benefits and may get help with housing. Where I live we have quite a lot of 55+ housing provided by the council and properties do become vacant more often due to the residents passing.

DM is early sixties

If she has any health problems at all, it's worth her applying to be in the LCWRA group for universal credit so she won't be asked to constantly attend UC interviews, go through the charade of applying for jobs in her circumstances etc.

If she's been a carer for years, surely she can easily find care work? There's enough jobs going, her experience is certainly better than none at all and she knows she can do the work.
I work with plenty of ladies over 60, some are even past state pension age and still working, so age is no excuse.

She would be able to apply for help with rent via universal credit, hopefully she can use the inheritance for a deposit and maybe a few months rent up front and to get herself set up with furniture and things.

Was she registered with a GP or dentist?

I think it's rather disgusting to describe a woman who has been a carer for 5 years lazy!

DM can’t be that lazy if she’s brought up
children and hacked through years of eldercare single-handed.

She might have been bad tempered, but she did it.

OP, I suspect your uncle is trying to get shot of DM so he can sell the house. He’s not your friend or your mum’s friend right now, and he’s talking rubbish.

Don’t take DM in, help her sort her housing via the council. It’s not a big deal.

She should at least be listed as living at the property for council tax purposes, unless they were fraudulently claiming single person discount?

This 100% she needs to register as homeless with the local council. And do as the poster says above. It's really important to do that or they will say she made herself homless and won't help . Hopefully she can get sheltered accommodation which is easier to get.

Your only responsibilites are to your dc.. Please don't kick them out of their bedrooms even for night. Uncle is lying bully.

Your only responsibilites are to your dc.. Please don't kick them out of their bedrooms even for night. Uncle is lying bully.

Your uncle is wrong which he probably realised but thinks it’s easiest. Just don’t take your mother in in the interim, let her remain where she is until they rehouse her. If you take her in she will have much less chance of being given a place.
She needs to see citizens advice and sign on for benefits. As she’s still technically working age she may have to apply for jobs, but she should get benefits in the meantime and her rent paid.
They will be able to advise her where she stands on her state pension. You can actually check it online too.
Don’t do anything with your grandmothers house until you get advice.

Christmas leads to a lot of elderly people passing away, so if there’s going to be a vacancy in an over 55 development now is the time.

First of all, stop talking to your uncle about your mum's situation.

She might be able to claim some NI in retrospect, she can get a pension forecast if you can find her NI number. If the inheritance is around £5-10k as you say then that won't have a huge effect on benefits. So as many others are saying, you need an appointment at the CAB, try to get a face to face if they do that in your area? I'd also strongly advise contacting Christians Against Poverty. I work with vulnerable adults and CAP are an amazing charity, don't be put off by any faith based connections - they are proactive and although Citizens Advice are good, they can only signpost and advise. So I'd go through both, CAB first then CAP.

Final warning - don't let her tell anyone you will put her up because if she says that then you may as well not bother with any of these appointments or contacts. That'll be game over for social housing. Has she been given any notice to leave your GM's house yet? It may be quite a while before everything is sorted out. As long as she doesn't come to "stay" with you in the meantime!!

Is she reasonably fit and mobile? Could she do cleaning, waitressing? If she can't stand for long, maybe she could be a checkout operator at a supermarket or corner shop?

What skills does she have? Driving, typing, basic computer literacy?

What did she do while living abroad? Does she speak any other languages?

@Lilithlogic tbh OPs mother may well be lazy... OP must know her own mum. How has she not claimed anything? How has she been able to live? Someone needed to speak up sooner.

She hasn't worked a day in her life. She's in her 60s.Maybe 5 years of hard childcare and 5 years of hard elder care. That's half a life of nothing. Lazy it is.

That’s ok, she didn’t need to announce she was back, she didn’t claim anything, wasn’t eligible for tax/NI. Though she probably could have claimed carers allowance.
She’s not your responsibility, your uncle is talking rubbish, probably worried he’ll be asked to give up his inheritance to give your mum more.
Start with CAB or Age UK. Your mum will have some credits to her pension as long as she claimed child benefit and it was paid in her name. She will also be able to claim credit for the years as your gran’s carer. She won’t be eligible for her state pension until she’s 66/67 so any extra contributions she can make while working will help later on.

https://capuk.org/

All she has to do is go online it takes two minutes to register on electoral role.
Did your mum Claim money as her mums carer ?
If so does her contribution get paid for her I don’t know the answer though .
Of course she excuses she has a N.I doesn’t she. ?
Sounds like for some reason you are being manipulate d into having your mum by her brother for some reason

Stop thinking your taking your mum in and plan to get her set up on her own . Use your time and energy for that .
Jist start talking about housing applications and get her phone numbers talk about her training and benefits then it’s very clear what she has to do and no wires are crossed .

OP's DU is either ignorant or he is deliberately telling porkies to make absolutely sure no one tries to lumber him with his DS. A child has ABSOLUTELY NO LEGAL responsibility to house a homeless parent in any circumstances whatsoever, nor can council or DWP refuse their services to someone on the grounds that they have a relative with a house. Is OP absolutely sure DM has no money? Has she really not claimed anything all these years - non-working benefits, carer's allowances etc., or might DM be misrepresenting her circumstances to worm her way into OP's house?

People who are carers are generally not lazy. The OP seems to be displaying snobiness to a woman who brought her up and looked after an elderly woman up to her death. Did the woman's brother do anything other than be grabby for money?