DM is homeless and penniless

[Pottlee]

I don’t know where to post this really, so apologies if it’s the wrong place.

My mum has been carer for her mum for maybe 5 years. Grandmother has now sadly passed away. Inheritance wise she has left a small amount behind, which is split between her two 60 ish year old ‘children’ (my mum and my uncle) - around £5-10k each. Mum and her brother have a fractured relationship but showed themselves to get on for the sake of their mum. Not sure it’s going to be as hunkydory now their mother has passed.

Now to the main point - my mum has nothing, like nothing to her name. She has no home (lived with her mum as carer), no money (other than the small inheritance) and no income at all. She has never worked so had made no contributions. She also had never claimed any benefits. The home she lived in with her mother will be sold and that money will go to an equity release company and to pay off a load of other debts.
What on earth happens to her now?
My uncle says she’s my responsibility now, but I would hate for that to be the case in that I don’t have room for her to live at my house, and harsh as it sounds I don’t want to become responsible for her for the rest of her life - hats off to everyone who can do it, but the idea of me having to care for her the way that she cared for her mum is just a no I’m afraid. We are close in a way but don’t get on in another. I couldn’t live with her. It would make my life unbearable and no doubt spell the end of my marriage because my DH couldn’t tolerate her daily either. My 2 DC love her but daily it would be disastrous. She is very lazy, judgemental, negative and nasty. And as I said would be able to make very little/no financial contribution.

So 1. Is she really regarded my responsibility now? 2. What should she do with regards of somewhere to live (she has no money for that) and income for the rest of her life? Is she not entitled to anything as she’s made no contributions or claimed anything at any point?

I’m aware I may come across as heartless because I don’t want to take her on so to speak, but I do want to help her set herself up somehow if she can. I’m just not in a position to be able to offer a place to live or financially.

please if anyone can advise who she can speak to or what she can do. Thank you.

I absolutely agree that the OP's mother shouldn't have a free pass. Relying on others has become a way of life for her, but that's over, whether she likes it or not.

It doesn't matter whether other people are judgmental or not, OP knows the truth of the matter and she knows how reliant her mother has been on others for virtually the whole of her life. The OP has a right to live her own life and she is not in a position to offer accommodation to her mother, in spite of uncle telling her that it's her responsibility (which it isn't, so he's talking nonsense).

OP needs to remember that IF she takes mother into her home even as a temporary measure then she's taking the whole problem on her own shoulders - something she should avoid at all costs because it will simply be a case of history repeating itself. Her mother would be totally selfish to even consider this as an option, but I suspect from the sound of it that she would only be concerned about herself, not the stress it would place on her daughter.

If the mother were truly concerned about her daughter she would have thought about the situation years ago - she knew the grandmother would not live forever.

In the 1970' s when I was little it was quite common for a woman who had grown up kids and / or was single to look after an elderly relative - they were usually respected by their families for doing this so the elderly person was put in a care home

Usually because it meant the families could wash their hands of elder care and do fuck all because the single woman had been dumped with that chore until their relative died. I watched my DM do this because my harridan of a GM refused even to consider a care home and DM ended up having no life at all until GM died in her nineties.

So if the mum refused point blank to get a job, can she even claim UC? I always thought you had to evidence that you are applying for jobs. I had a Ukrainian living with me for a while who also, absolutely refused point blank to even consider the sort of jobs she was offered (supermarket, factory etc). She didn't have any trouble getting UC and has been claiming for 18 months now. Her English isn't brilliant though so that might be why they haven't made her take any of the jobs. OPs mum (I assume) speaks good English, plus has caring experience so might not 'get away' with refusing to work and still get UC.