DM is homeless and penniless

[Pottlee]

I don’t know where to post this really, so apologies if it’s the wrong place.

My mum has been carer for her mum for maybe 5 years. Grandmother has now sadly passed away. Inheritance wise she has left a small amount behind, which is split between her two 60 ish year old ‘children’ (my mum and my uncle) - around £5-10k each. Mum and her brother have a fractured relationship but showed themselves to get on for the sake of their mum. Not sure it’s going to be as hunkydory now their mother has passed.

Now to the main point - my mum has nothing, like nothing to her name. She has no home (lived with her mum as carer), no money (other than the small inheritance) and no income at all. She has never worked so had made no contributions. She also had never claimed any benefits. The home she lived in with her mother will be sold and that money will go to an equity release company and to pay off a load of other debts.
What on earth happens to her now?
My uncle says she’s my responsibility now, but I would hate for that to be the case in that I don’t have room for her to live at my house, and harsh as it sounds I don’t want to become responsible for her for the rest of her life - hats off to everyone who can do it, but the idea of me having to care for her the way that she cared for her mum is just a no I’m afraid. We are close in a way but don’t get on in another. I couldn’t live with her. It would make my life unbearable and no doubt spell the end of my marriage because my DH couldn’t tolerate her daily either. My 2 DC love her but daily it would be disastrous. She is very lazy, judgemental, negative and nasty. And as I said would be able to make very little/no financial contribution.

So 1. Is she really regarded my responsibility now? 2. What should she do with regards of somewhere to live (she has no money for that) and income for the rest of her life? Is she not entitled to anything as she’s made no contributions or claimed anything at any point?

I’m aware I may come across as heartless because I don’t want to take her on so to speak, but I do want to help her set herself up somehow if she can. I’m just not in a position to be able to offer a place to live or financially.

please if anyone can advise who she can speak to or what she can do. Thank you.

I’m wondering all the same things. No wonder your grandmother was in debt, was she supporting your mother???

Your uncle sounds a charmer. Your mum has cared for their mum and probably made his life easier in doing so.

I agree that you on behalf of your mum need to see the will and to gain some understanding of where the debt was incurred and what the equity release was used for.

Has probate been granted yet as generally a house cannot be sold until it has. Also if I remember correctly everyone over 18 who lives in a property have to sign to say they are happy the house is being sold.

You say she has never worked and gas no experience. She has looked after her DM though, and there are loads of jobs as carers that she could apply for.

She could also consider ancillary staff in schools. Cooks, cleaners, caretakers. We really struggle to find staff.

As others have said don't let her move in with you, even if you think it is temporary. It may seem cruel, but the council will have an obligation to house her if she is homeless if she is living with you she is not homeless, even if you don't want her living there permanently they won't care about that. Why can't she live with her brother if he thinks she should live with family?

https://www.carersfirst.org.uk/

Contact these people - they have all sorts of advice for paid and unpaid carers, you might be surprised what your mum is entitled to, and she might get a big whack back on unclaimed benefits with their help.

Just keep saying ‘no room at the inn’

Also, if she can't back-claim carer's allowance, she can get Carer's Credit if a doctor or health worker signs a form to say your nan needed your mum's help, that will pay her nat ins contributions paid for the five years she looked after your nan.

What is Carer's Credit?You do not get paid any extra money if you claim Carer’s Credit. However this benefit helps to protect your pension rights. It is very useful if you are caring for someone but not paying National Insurance (NI) contributions through paid work and if you are unable to claim Carer's Allowance.
If you claim Carer's Credit, rather than receiving a payment, you get a NI contribution credit to help protect your record.

Your uncle is talking shite to absolve himself of any duty of care. Of course she isn’t legally your responsibility and don’t feel guilty. I commend her for looking after her mum, but to have reached her age without working or making any plans for where she would live when her mother died is just bizarre. Don’t take her in - she won’t be homeless if you do and there will be no chance of her getting housed.

Yes she was fully supported by my grandmother and quite possibly the reason there isn’t much money left

Absolutely not your responsibility. It's not your fault she's been too lazy to work. And if she didn't claim benefits presumably she was living rent free and all bills, council tax, utilities, food etc were funded by her mother. She needs to behave like an adult now and stop expecting other people to fund her

Your Uncle talking out his arse.

She need to check her national insurance contributions
https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

She is to young to claim state pension or the top ups - but PP have linked to benefit check websites and many council have council houses for over 55+ - so she need to get in touch with carer association and check the above.

She's not your legal responsibility but if you house her you'll have a hell of a job getting the local authority to help her!

She needs to present as homeless and be willing to take whatever accommodation is offered. She can go from there.

Surely she was registered with the GP? They know she came back because she passed through immigration at some point. You don't need to announce when you return. They know!

My mum was in a similar situation a few years ago. SAHM for years, then a carer to her elderly parents. When her husband died we went to the council and got her on the list and in the meantime looked at local housing associations. We found one specifically for single people over 55, within a few weeks of registering she was offered a nice 1 bed flat. She also claimed universal credit, and I helped her apply for a job as a school dinner lady. It was only 1 hour a day so manageable for her and her benefits topped up her wages. She went on to work in an after school club 3 hours a day when she was ready which increased her income further. She is happy and settled now, she is by no means well
off but has enough to get by and my siblings and I help out when we can.

I think lots of places are desperate for carers. Personal experience in caring for a loved one would be a good cv starting point. As they hire so many foreign staff care homes owners often seem to have flats they rent out to employees.

She will need to claim universal credit if she is under state pension age for a single person
She may be able to receive more if she is unable to work
This should include money to pay her rent
This should include money to pay for bills, food, transport etc
Plus her National Insurance will be paid

www.gov.uk
Universal credit
Apply
You can see the amount that should be paid

So presumably she thought she’d be supported by her husband or partner in old age but those relationships haven’t lasted and she’s now found herself in this dreadful position, she’s not the first and won’t be the last. No one, not even “the government” can make you house her and it sounds like you don’t actually have a spare bedroom anyway so even if you wanted to that’s a non-starter.

Shes going to have to speak to someone at the council re her housing and try and find a job, and claim benefits in the meantime. Unfortunately I expect the only jobs available to her will be the ones no one else wants.

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit/what-youll-get

Don’t let her move in with you as I think you would then need to make her homeless. The councils homelessness prevention team will advise whether she can stay in current place until it’s sold. Perhaps live in care work might work for her.

She's got caring experience OP. Can she get a job as a live in carer? That might solve the immediate money and housing issue. From that she can look into more options and find out where she stands.

Your mother is or will be homeless

You are NOT responsible for her

Your mother must present to the Council as homeless and to the DWP for benefits and as homeless

She could also contact the CAB and Turn2Us for advice.

Also, Age UK

She has experience of caring and might be able to get a live-in job as a carer or a live out job as a carer and live wherever the council places her

Your Uncle is dumping this on you so that he doesn't need to feel responsible and in fairness NEITHER of you is responsible for your mother

Please help your Mum take heed of this advice. Does she understand what the will said. This may be key. Who is the executor etc.

Some posters have suggested your Mum may have benefited from the equity release but this is an assumption. Your Uncle could have too.

You describe your Mum as lazy and you know her best but looking after an elderly relative full time is actually really time-consuming. You dismiss her as not having a job. She may well have great skills and if you want to help her encouraging her in that line could be the way too. Carers are in very short supply. She has experience and may get snapped up if encouraged.

How old is your mum roughly? What has your mum said about her situation? As others have said your mum will have to claim UC and work as a paid carer!

NWQM "Carers are in very short supply. She has experience and may get snapped up if encouraged."

Not if she is as lazy as the OP says.

Perhaps she will have to stop being lazy