Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

[whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem]

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

I had an elderly relative who had a mobility car. Well, not elderly but over retirement age. Had it till they passed away.

They got it because they were on DLA. I thought that meant you were entitled?

Motability.

You can get if on pension

No you can't, eligibility is linked to DLA and PIP etc which is only for non pensioners.

Pensioners get AA which is not included as part of the motability scheme.

Absolutely phone the police. He's effectively stolen her car. Get the loks changed immediately. You need to cut any contact he has with your Mum

Agree - but that if ops account is correct.

She doesn't seem to have much information.

She got her mum admitted to hospital because someone else said her mum were unwell- but didn't check herself?

I think unless Op returns and gives more information its difficult to comment.

But if her mum really does have severe dementia and isn't safe to drive I'm glad someone is taking steps to ensure she isn't driving.

OP, you have explained yourself very clearly in your first post. Your mother has recently been tested for capacity and this has been found to be present. You have a neighbour who is overstepping the mark, with you feel an obvious agenda.

It must be so frustrating for you being so far away. You have been given some sensible options, change the locks, a ring door bell and some external agencies to check on your mother's welfare. I think that this is sensible and at the earliest opportunity you can visit and set it out clearly with your DM's neighbour that you are aware of his agenda and he will get precisely, nowhere with it.

I would also consider calling Help the Aged, as I did when I realised my aged Godmother's sister was receiving similar treatment from distant relatives. They gave me excellent advise. I would also check all of her account and do alight touch inventory, when you are next visiting her. Good Luck!

My mum is a pensioner. And has disability and has a motabikity car.

If you're on PIP when you turn 66, you keep the mobility entitlement. My uncle only recently had his mobility car taken away aged 82 due to deteriorating health. The upper age limit for PIP / mobility is for new claims. (As in you can't start claiming PIP after that age, you have to claim AA as you say)

Agree, there's something a bit weird, though.

No they don't. My Dad had one til he died at 70 & my mums neighbour was in his late 70s when he died & had a motability car. They came to pick it up within 48 hours of his death

I can’t imagine the OP randomly lying to strangers online, so if she sees them as she’s sees them then I would not be assuming he is feeling the truth. My first reaction would be to protect my mother from a potential predator, then get a driving assessment booked. If driving were a concern in the mean time I would request my mother doesn’t drive.

But I wouldn’t be risking my mother in this situation. As you say, we only have what the OP has said so we need to go by that. And that makes this man sound extremely dodgy.

How on earth has this been allowed to happen?
If your mum is living alone and is disabled, she needs a carer. Obviously you can't do that as you live so far away, so it needs to be a professional if there's no other trusted family member.
The neighbour absolutely does not need a key for odd jobs. Would he be doing them without your mum being at home?? That's wild.
Contact the police regarding the theft of keys, controlling and manipulation. Contact adult social services for the welfare of your mum. She sounds vulnerable as she hasn't been able to stop your neighbour's behaviour. Change the locks in your mum's doors and install more cameras.
Regarding your mum's car keys, doesn't she have more than 1 set? So that would render the neighbour's actions useless anyway.

PIP/DLA can only be APPLIED for before pension age. But once it is granted, it's for life. It doesn't stop when you turn pension age.

Pip doesn’t stop at 65 if it is already in place.

@Finteq and do what precisely? If the OPs mother has capacity - which by the sound of it she does. Nobody can force her to accept help or change her living situation!
There are huge variations between the two extremes you mention. She may well be perfectly capable of living alone but have difficulty standing up to this neighbour. Are you really suggesting that a lone elderly woman wouldn't potentially be frightened by this man's goings on? I would be!

Of course you're correct.

I'm just annoyed a vulnerable pensioner seems to have been left to fend for herself.

Oh god unclench love

I get what you mean completely. And maybe Im too focused on potentially elderly abuse from the neighbour to be looking at the big picture here - which of course, you’re right about.

There is no upper age limit for motorbility cars!

Odd jobs... even with kind intentions can lead to all sorts of boundary crossing.
Demand keys back... all of them. If refusing, police.

Sounds like your neighbour is the only person concerned with the safety of your mother and other people by taking the car keys. Call motability and ask them to take the car. By your own admission she’s a terrible driver and with the best will in the world at 300 miles away you can’t witness what the neighbour sees daily. His removal of the keys is no different to taking the keys away from someone who has been drinking if they’re unsafe on the roads.

That makes no sense.

”as good as the day she passed because she’s a terrible driver and always has been”?

The op is clearly saying she was a good shag that day, and that’s the reason she passed because her driving is terrible.

Weird. But anyway, not the point of the thread.

A key issue is that the mum has been left to rely on a neighbour, and maybe the OP doesn’t realise quite how reliant their mum has become on the neighbour and it has escalated to the point that he has assumed the role of quasi-carer. Maybe he helped out for altruistic / neighbourly reasons at first but has now overstepped the mark. Maybe he’s resentful of all the time he has spent helping the mum and he feels obliged to continue as there isn’t anyone else physically close by who is helping out.

I don’t think the OP can be effective in dealing with this without at least spending some time with her mother and getting professional help in place rather than relying on the neighbour.

Clearly it’s a worrying scenario and the OP needs to tell the neighbour in no uncertain terms that he needs to return the key. But the priority has to be putting proper professional help in place, thanking the neighbour for what he’s done and then distancing the mum from the neighbour.

Interesting that people have definite opinions on OP's mother's capacity, but nobody has considered whether the neighbour might have the beginnings of dementia.

It's hard enough to determine the mums mental state- definitely don't have enough information to pass comments on the neighbour's!

According to the OP:
Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.