Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

[whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem]

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

Great update and she may want to set up telecare and a keysafe with named responders.

Great update, OP, your Mum is in a much better situation now.

As for the NDN, he’s brought this on himself by being greedy wanting the car for his son, etc. Enjoy your spa weekend, you deserve some pampering. 💐

*The house and care home thing...... His son rents on the same street and he's always said he'd love for his son to own a house near him. When my mothers other neighbour died, he made such an insulting offer on the house when the daughters were selling it, they point blank refused to sell it to him on any grounds. Ever since then, he started up the "you don't realise your mother needs looking after, she can't cope at home"....... which has gotten louder and louder as time went on. I can't help but see the coincidence.

He knows the car is motability and on lease however he is also friends with the local coordinator. Motability sell on their cars when they come off lease. He had his eyes on my mums car and fully intended to buy it from motability via his friend. It as supposed to be off lease this month but she's decided to keep it an extra two years. It was at that point, he started going on about her not being able to drive anymore. Again, it might be a coincidence.

Wow. definitely sounds like he was absolutely trying to set up a scenario where he could buy her car from motability 'cheap', and her house, and hopefully bamboozle you into selling the house cheap. Ulterior Motives for all of his behaviour!

Glad the police appeared and gave him a fright over his behaviour. He's trying to save face with the 'have to do what's best for me' speech, but tbh, it sounds like he's been doing that all along. No loss there!

The neighbour’s behaviour sounds insidious, creepy even. We had something similar when my parents were both still at home, I could see what was happening but my mother was oblivious and my father refused to acknowledge that the ‘friend’ was gradually weaselling his way in until the day when he found the neighbour poking through one of the bedroom cupboards. By that point a number of items had got ‘lost’…..or not.
As @HamBone suggests, I would get your mum set up with a Lifeline tele-care pendant and a key safe then there’s no reason for next door to be involved.

Your Mum has had so many sad losses in her life and is still managing so well, even learning to drive when she was 63, that's not easy. She's obviously still very able to live alone even if she has difficulties. As someone else wrote, she's stoical.
Hope that you all have a lovely Christmas.

Very well said @angela1952 - totally agree!

Well done OP that sounds like a good resolution.

You could consider getting your mum one of the emergency wrist bands in case of falls / emergency. Then she doesn’t have to carry her phone around and gives you both peace of mind.

She's got a fall alarm.on order. The phone is a back up until.it comes.

@whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem

I'm glad things turned out OK and I feel it's a good thing the NDN has 'bowed out', he was waaaayyy too 'involved'.

But even though you've gotten the keys back, I'd be changing the locks or lock barrels for the house. You don't know if he's had copies made. I'd do the same for the car keys unless they're the expensive electronic keys. Those can cost a mint and I doubt if he'd pay the money for that!

FWIW, both DH and I (in our 60s) have Apple Watches that have fall detection. If it detects a fall it asks 'Do you need help?'. If there's no response it auto-calls an emergency contact (you) and also dials emergency services. They're pricy but no monthly fee like some fall detection services charge. Of course, she'd have to be willing to wear it and learn how to use it.

Did you say you've got Alexas in her house? You can set them up with her phone I think so she can say 'Alexa call Lemons' (or even 999!) which might give you some peace of mind in case she forgets to have her phone on her.

@wronginalltherightways I so agree with this. Say there’s something wrong with mum …she needs to be in a home then I’ll buy the place let’s not worry about estate agents and fees. Come in with a low ball offer! Same with the car. This man is a fucking chancer. Not a nice person fuck I would say he would be the type to ask if he is in a will!

op@whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem the neighbour sounds like a fucking chancer. Your mum sounds amazing she has joint problems(arthritis don’t we all) he is preying on weekness your mum isn’t that. What a fucking chancing cunt. Horrible man. I hate people like him. Praying on a “woman on her own” bet he won’t do jack shit if a chap was hanging around a lot. We all know the type.

So my mums health problems. Just.for the record.

She has fused spine due to deteriorated disks
She's had three hip replacements- two on one in quick succession after then first got infected then the other one
She's had two knee replacements - one of which has failed but she won't get it doesn't again as the last time she was in for 8 weeks but thata a long story due to my cousin being their CFO, her consultant being on holiday and no one taking responsibility for her discharge.

Other than that She's infine fettle. Some poor circulation due to her joints and lack of.mobility and minor aortic stenosis which is not unusual at.80.

If she takes her full dose of.pregabalin and morphine she can be a bit dotty but she never takes them if she's driving. She always goes out in the car early doors before she needs pain killers.

If I do half as well as her at 80 I'll.be happy

"That his heart is racing and his BP is high as a result and with his condition he has to look after himself."

I'd totally have replied, "Oh dear, I'll send Mum round to collect your car keys as you shouldn't be driving anymore." 😂

You're absolutely lovely, OP, and so is your mum by the sound of it. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

If they get DLA HRM before they turn 65 it continues but you can't make a new claim.

I would definitely be speaking to social services and the police. In terms of social care look at the minimum thresholds for care services. When I was trying to get support I get being refused and it was only when I outlined everything using the criteria I got anywhere.

I can't believe how judgemental people are being. Having been here with an elderly relative myself, things aren't always as easy as they seem. I couldn't just pack up everything to go down there so I was reliant on friends and in time the social worker. Even if she does have dementia it's not just a case of taking over her life, there are processes that have to be followed - deprivation of liberty and safeguarding is the legislation.

Does she have access to any social groups? My gran used to go to lunch clubs and local churches and they were absolutely amazing. Some local charities have befrienders who can go round just for a chat and stuff so even if she doesn't like the idea of a group then someone can check in on her.

This is very serious.
Shes been assessed, she’s fine.
Call the police. Get a case number.
Get the car keys back!!! It’s stealing.
Inform your mother’s Dr and the police of this man’s intentions.
Find out if he has tried to get her to change her will or re write one. If she has one keep it safe.
Change the locks in the house
contact help the aged charity services to step in and help her instead of relying on this man.
He clearly has an ulterior motive.
He is Massively overstepping here.
This is criminal behaviour.

I agree with the above.

The fact that he helps out sometimes is his entry card into her house and her life and the recent behaviour has worried both you and your mum. In fact its clear it would be a huge relief to you personally if he had to step back.

The point you mentioned about wanting to buy her house is rings some alarm bells. He probably thinks he's helped so much that he deserves to get it cheaply and the recent behaviour seems like he is fed up of waiting.

He is a bully. And that negates any help he's currently giving.

How does your mum feel about this. If she was able to get some help in, she wouldn't need NDN to keep "popping" in and taking her things. Maybe this is the way to get her to accept that help and keep a bit of a distance.

However, while he still has her house in his sights I think it may be hard to dislodge him as he has already crossed so many boundaries. Sadly I don't think there is a half way path here.

Hopefully when you know that others are available to check on her you will be able to relax a bit.

A poster in this thread mentioned putting an alert on the deeds of the home. Can you tell me more please?

This is perfect!!!😂

@JacquiG2 go to the Land Registry website (the government one) and follow the links there.

It's theft whether she's been deemed to have capacity or not. They're not his keys. He isn't entitled to take them. As others have said, this definitely needs to be nipped in the bud. If he were to do it again then I would definitely be informing the police.

I'm so glad you've got this all sorted out, OP. Your mum is very lucky that you are so on the ball, and that you care. I hope you enjoy that holiday in January :)

Go to https://www.gov.uk/guidance/property-alert @JacquiG2.

Very well done getting it all sorted out. It must have been a nightmare for you. Glad the neighbour has been put in his place, he sounds like a wrong un. Have a great break you deserve it.