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Original poster

Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

320 replies

whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:30

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 11/12/2023 20:52

You stay for longer and sort out the problem. Neighbour needs to hand back all keys and you need to employ someone to assist Mum for a few things rather than the neighbour helping out.
Set in motion your mother having assistance to stay in her home.

TheCatterall · 11/12/2023 20:52

Please look into safeguarding descriptions with help the aged etc. he is acting in an untoward manner and basically it’s carer abuse (seeing as they are listing themselves in a caregiving role with the fridge etc).

ask the police to get the keys back. Ensure the police inform the neighbours they can no longer enter the property.

lesdeluges · 11/12/2023 20:52

First of all, I think (as a pp said), that given that you are far away from your Mum, you might not want to rock the boat too much if this neighbour ordinarily looks out for her in your absence.

Secondly, what tone did he use and what reason did he give for saying "she won't be needing these anymore" re the car keys?

Thirdly, how do you know he wants to buy the car (can he do that with a motability vehicle? I don't think so), and the house. Did he say it or is it a feeling you get?

Lastly (for now!), have you spoken to your Mum about this, and what was her reaction? If as you say she passed her cognitive assessment with flying colours, surely she has some say in the matter. If she cannot or will not explain the goings on to you together with her view on things, well then it's time to get down/up to her personally and sort it out. No other way, you cannot and should not do this from a distance.

Stand back for a minute or two and gather your thoughts, then act and get there and speak to this man and your Mum. THEN contact SS/police/gp if you are sure she is being exploited. That may not be the case, but you won't know until you find out.

ThenAgain · 11/12/2023 20:52

It’s really easy to add Mobile ring cameras to the inside of the house too, if your Mum is OK with that. You’d be able to see what he’s doing and saying.

Howbizzare22 · 11/12/2023 20:53

HappyHamsters · 11/12/2023 19:33

Call the police and her adult social services safeguarding team and make them aware he is trespassing, is abusing her and putting her at psychological harm.

THIS! Wtaf OP??? Call police asap

Pablova · 11/12/2023 20:54

SeatonCarew · 11/12/2023 19:54

What a truly horrible thing to say, even in jest. It's so inappropriate that it casts doubt on all your earlier posts and whether you are a reliable witness.

Show quote history

It’s obviously a typo, why so quick to judge.

RockGirl · 11/12/2023 20:54

Do as others have suggested. Also, I would never ever sell him the house, even if at the time of sale he is the highest bidder.

Never.

WallHanger · 11/12/2023 20:55

lesdeluges · 11/12/2023 20:52

First of all, I think (as a pp said), that given that you are far away from your Mum, you might not want to rock the boat too much if this neighbour ordinarily looks out for her in your absence.

Secondly, what tone did he use and what reason did he give for saying "she won't be needing these anymore" re the car keys?

Thirdly, how do you know he wants to buy the car (can he do that with a motability vehicle? I don't think so), and the house. Did he say it or is it a feeling you get?

Lastly (for now!), have you spoken to your Mum about this, and what was her reaction? If as you say she passed her cognitive assessment with flying colours, surely she has some say in the matter. If she cannot or will not explain the goings on to you together with her view on things, well then it's time to get down/up to her personally and sort it out. No other way, you cannot and should not do this from a distance.

Stand back for a minute or two and gather your thoughts, then act and get there and speak to this man and your Mum. THEN contact SS/police/gp if you are sure she is being exploited. That may not be the case, but you won't know until you find out.

He is taking her keys. He has done it before. He is claiming she has issues that she doesn’t seem to have.

This is not a man to be trusted. OP should only speak to him to get the keys back and tell him to bugger off.

clpsmum · 11/12/2023 20:57

Friendfoe1 · 11/12/2023 19:32

In your position I would definitely ring the police, they can retrieve the keys and have a word with him. He is massively over-stepping here and it needs nipping in the bud before it gets worse.

This. That sounds really sinister and quite scary xxx

Viviennemary · 11/12/2023 20:58

Absolutely call the police and report. This man is not a relative and has absolutely no right whatsoever to do this. It's theft. It needs to be reported before things escalate. He is a totally horrible bully and needs to be stopped.

lesdeluges · 11/12/2023 20:58

@WallHanger

I don't think even the OP knows WHY he took them. I still feel that a sensible steady fact finding approach to this issue would yield much more in the long run than a knee jerk reaction from afar. That's all I am saying.

The OP doesn't live anywhere near her Mum. Time to get to her pronto and find out what's happening on the ground. THEN act appropriately.

inthefrost · 11/12/2023 20:59

Motibility cars are leased, so still belongs to the company. The neighbour can’t buy it. I’d let the company know that the keys gave been stolen, and your Mum has no access to the car.

Redmat · 11/12/2023 21:01

He has absolutely no rights what so ever to be taking her keys from her.
You can't do that even when you know your own parent shouldnt be driving any longer. A friend tried that with his mother and she reported him to the police and he was told that it was theft and he must return them immediately.
I would be really concerned about your neighbours intentions and reporting him to the police.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 11/12/2023 21:02

Had he gone in her house without consent as it’s not theft but a burglary with theft. Report to police asap.

Also need to get adult safeguarding involved as this is becoming harassment of a vulnerable person.

AfraidToRun · 11/12/2023 21:02

It took my great uncle causing an accident for him to stop driving. Many people think they are fine to drive when they aren't. I think an independent assessment would help everyone here.

pikkumyy77 · 11/12/2023 21:02

F

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/12/2023 21:03

if you think he’s wrong then I’d call the police and get a locksmith and tell him in no uncertain terms to stay the fuck away from her.

It’s very drastic action he’s taken though - he must know he’s putting himself at risk of legal action so if he’s usually a kind and helpful person then think if he knows something you don’t.

FWIW my FIL passed the first few assessments he had with flying colours despite the fact those of us that saw him every day could see the issues clearly.

WallHanger · 11/12/2023 21:03

lesdeluges · 11/12/2023 20:58

@WallHanger

I don't think even the OP knows WHY he took them. I still feel that a sensible steady fact finding approach to this issue would yield much more in the long run than a knee jerk reaction from afar. That's all I am saying.

The OP doesn't live anywhere near her Mum. Time to get to her pronto and find out what's happening on the ground. THEN act appropriately.

He has absolutely no right removing her keys, twice. No right whatsoever.

If he were that concerned he would be talking to OP, not waltzing into her mum’s house and taking her keys. He has no right, no authority. He’s just a neighbour who helps out every now and then. Even if it did turn out to be concern, he has no right whatsoever to remove her keys leaving her stranded without any further support. Unless he is driving her to all the places she needs to go then it could be potentially really life diminishing to do so.

He has zero right to interfere in this manner.

FiveShelties · 11/12/2023 21:05

What sort of assessment was it and how did you manage to get her admitted to hospital?

Beaverbridge · 11/12/2023 21:06

Wtaf!!!!????. Who does he think he is??.

ThenAgain · 11/12/2023 21:07

Even if he genuinely thinks her driving is unsafe, he should report to the police, not steal her keys. Obviously.

OhComeOnFFS · 11/12/2023 21:11

My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

What?

willWillSmithsmith · 11/12/2023 21:12

whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:51

Doesn't change the fact that only her doctor or the dvla legally can stop.her driving. It's not his decision which is the bit that has got me riled. My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

Show quote history

Huh? Was that a typo?

lesdeluges · 11/12/2023 21:12

Easily solved if OP gets to see her mother and neighbour face to face. I think she is on her way somewhere though as she is boarding a plane at the moment.

Nicole1111 · 11/12/2023 21:12

Call him and tell him that he has until midday tomorrow to return the keys to your mother and if that doesn’t happen you’ll be calling the police for theft. Explain that in the event of him ever taking them again you’ll call the police without warning him. Tell him you’ve also notified the local adult’s safeguarding team of his involvement so they are aware of him (do this so it’s at least recorded).