Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

[whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem]

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

Nope. She's saying her mother's driving is so bad that she must have shagged the examiner to get him to pass her.

Agree.

Also you haven't said how old your mum is but you need to get her driving assessed.

I wouldn't just assume because she has capacity she is safe to drive.

Unfortunately you don't live very near her. Are you aware of what help she needs around the house. Is she needing more carers or a carers assessment? Are you going to cause problems with the one person whonhas been helping her when she needs it?

You said you were getting on a plane- to your mums?

To everyone questioning ‘shag’ - I didn’t write that post but shag has other meanings around the world than sex. Here in Cornwall it means mate and a friend who lives in New Zealand used it in reference to a story. Ie, telling a decent shag. Maybe it has an alternate meaning to that poster??

Oh okay, ha ha, ignore my last comment then!!

So they are thieves and abusing her because she is elderly. PROTECT YOUR MOTHER PLEASE OP. I used to work in elder care and unfortunately some people are predators. Your mother is being preyed upon! This is a neighbor. Not family. Not a friend. He needs to back off! This is not acceptable, normal or ok. Call the police!

But if he has concerns over her driving he doesn’t have the right to take her keys. He needs to go down the appropriate channels. No matter what, he has no right or business entering her house and taking her keys. It’s not okay behaviour.

When was the last time you were home and saw your mum in person?
How old is your mum?
My MIL could chat for ages on the phone and sound fine when in fact she had dementia.
I had to remove her car keys.
Are you 100% sure that this Neighbour has an alterior motive? And not in fact a concerned Neighbour?

This is gaslighting - if something isn't done, she may end up believing it herself. If you haven't already, try to get Power of Attorney - people are prepared to do a lot to get a house at a knock-down price.
Check the ASBO rules for her local authority - there may be steps that can be taken to prevent him from abusing her.
We had a neighbour who was pressured into having unnecessary work done by a bullying neighbour, he sons talked a great talk but always disappeared when he was picking on their mum.

it sounds like hes using it as an excuse to make her sem mad and then she goes in a home-poor mum

and he cant buy a mitability car offer her its not lgally hers

You need to get the police involved and get the keys back because if that car gets stolen, because he’s got the keys, and you/she have done nothing about it, Motability will hold her partly responsible. She could get kicked off the scheme.

Ring the police. Don’t wait around. In the morning call a locksmith and get the locks changed. The man is a bullying prick.

Pretty sure it's meant to say 'as good as the day she passed'

Pretty sure it's meant to say 'as good as the day she passed'

If she's not safe to drive, I'm glad someone is taking the necessary steps.

Unless op comes back we can only speculate but if someone had taken the keys off my parent I would have made 100% sure they were safe to drive before I gave them back.

Unfortunately there are lots of people who are not safe to drive, and it's not worth waiting the weeks it would take the DVLA to sort it.

If someone isn't safe to drive- they need stopping ASAP.

Not have people tiptoe around them because they don't want to upset them.

My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

Of course you did 🙄

I’ve had this happen recently, except it was family who live next door / nearby

They took all relatives possessions, let themselves in to use all appliances etc.

I changed the locks but the damage was done in terms of all valuable possessions gone.

They are STILL trying to get in and ranting about it to all and sundry like we are the ones in the wrong for having the audacity to keep them out 😂

I am appalled by it and was going to start a post myself on it to see if it’s happened to anyone else. I see it has, and so sad that people could take advantage like this

He thinks she is a easy target, and has convinced him self the house and car should be his. Change the locks asap, and tell the police etc. He knows to play the help the vulnerable card.

I'd get the police involved asap.
Get his key back.
Tell him the house won't be sold to his family under any circumstances going forward if there are any further issues.

You cannot take it upon yourself to make such decisions.

If he genuinely wanted to make a difference he would go down the proper channels, otherwise something like this could happen and she could carry on driving. She could move and carry on driving. She could have a spare set of keys and carry on driving.

If he genuinely feared she was a risk then he would seek the correct support to intervene.

This is not it. You have no right to take away someone’s keys on a whim.

And if he is doing it as the OP fears he is to manipulate her, then he’s doing a very good job of restricting her daily life and her freedom. This could be abuse. If he genuinely cared, he would contact the proper authorities, talk to the OP and offer support.

Funny how he isn’t doing that though isn’t it?

I’d check the mileage too, who knows what he’s been doing!

I would get the police involved.
He has stolen her car keys twice. There is no reason whatsoever to do that. If he thought she was unsafe to be driving he should have phoned the police or the DVLA about it, not stolen car keys.
Also, he made a fuss and she was then admitted to hospital for tests so he decided she wouldn't be coming back and went into her home and emptied her fridge. Bloody hell. That's stealing.
When my Dad died suddenly and I wasn't able to get back from abroad for over 2 weeks the police secured the property (because they'd had to break in) and no one, including the landlord who desperately wanted to, was allowed in to empty the fridge or remove wet clothes from the washing machine. Fridge ended up stinking as did the wet clothes. But people are not allowed to waltz in and remove stuff from a property.

First step is to contact the police about the neighbour.
The next step is to change all the locks.
And then you can start thinking about what kind of medical assessments she needs and if she is really lacking capacity or if it's just the neighbour creating a fuss in order to get her moved out/property sold etc.

When it happened the first time- what steps did the op take to make sure her mum was well taken care of?

Either her mum can stand up for herself and sort her affairs- or she's vulnerable and needs support.

I see an old lady living alone with no local support. And now potentially being taken advantage of. And op is 300 miles away.

Op needs to step up and sort out her mums living arrangements because right now they aren't adequate.

My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

That's a really unfortunate typo if it is a typo!

But an even worse thing to say if it's not!

That’s an entirely different point - the OP not intervening doesn’t mean that this man has any legal standing to take her keys. He can report her to the DVLA. He doesn’t need the OPs involvement to do that.
Going into her hours and taking her keys doesn’t not solve the issue, it isn’t legal and it brings up a lot of questions about his intentions. He’s been told to return the keys once. He has flouted this as soon as possible and taken them again. As I have said, if he really cared he’d contact the DVLA and do things properly.

Something not adding up for me with this thread.

Just curious, how does an elderly pensioner have a mobility car when they are only for peeple of working age and stop as soon as State Pension starts?

I think op needs to work out what is going on.
It's very possible mum is telling neighbour one thing and op another.
The fridge thing - if it was a recent shop from Fortnums that's very different to them tipping away half a pint of milk and a can of tuna.
Does op have neighbours contact? Has op established contact or just allowed neighbour to do the jobs and daily help and is now questioning it?
What will mum do if op removes the neighbour and gets him a criminal record? Somehow manage alone?