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Original poster

Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

320 replies

whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:30

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 11/12/2023 19:32

Has she had a capacity assessment?

Friendfoe1 · 11/12/2023 19:32

In your position I would definitely ring the police, they can retrieve the keys and have a word with him. He is massively over-stepping here and it needs nipping in the bud before it gets worse.

Trinity69 · 11/12/2023 19:32

If she’s been deemed to have capacity, then taking her car keys is theft. How is he getting into her house?

HappyHamsters · 11/12/2023 19:33

Call the police and her adult social services safeguarding team and make them aware he is trespassing, is abusing her and putting her at psychological harm.

Autumcolors · 11/12/2023 19:33

Restraining order? Sounds a bit like stalking!

StrongTea · 11/12/2023 19:34

Get the police involved, get a camera up in not already got one.

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 11/12/2023 19:35

We had a similar issues with my lovely in laws and the neighbours ended up fleecing them for thousands. The police did go around and tell them to stop going round.

get a ring doorbell put up, that you have access too, and be clear through it that's you're recording him and tell the neighbour to stop entering the property. I'd also ring the police and get the keys back.

Raindancer411 · 11/12/2023 19:35

No advice but that's not down to him to make those decisions. I would call the police as it's trespass and theft.

Changingplace · 11/12/2023 19:36

How is he getting into her house? I would absolutely call the police, how dare he!

FairFuming · 11/12/2023 19:37

Absolutely call the police. Call her GP and get them to refer her for social care so she doesn't need to rely on him and I agree with putting up cameras

Original poster
whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:39

He has the key to her house as he's often done odd jobs and helps her out. She's disabled.and her car is on mot ability.

Yes she had a capacity assessment. I halve PoA if she doesn't soni wanted to know even though I only saw her a week ago. The way he was carrying on it sounded pike she was having a crisis. She wasn't. When she was taken into hospital they thought she wouldn't be coming home and cleared her fridge out of everything- they never bloody brought it back when she came home though.

We have a ring doorbell so I have his coming and going documented.

OP posts:
Original poster
whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:40

Sorry for the typos. Trying to type on tiny screen whilst boarding a plane.

OP posts:
coffeestrongblacknosugar · 11/12/2023 19:42

OMG! This sounds like abuse. I would be contacting the police.

Friendfoe1 · 11/12/2023 19:44

Get the locks changed asap and make sure he isn’t given a key!

GrumpyPanda · 11/12/2023 19:45

Police, definitely. And make him return the key. Even better, change the locks.

Temporaryname158 · 11/12/2023 19:45

Call the police, change the locks and report to adult services. Also install a ring camera

this is illegal and abusive. Take action this evening

mummybear2104 · 11/12/2023 19:47

Definitely contact the local social services team/speak with police if there are safeguarding here. I can see your concern but also see it potentially from the other side that there is genuine concern for mums safety and that of others if she were to drive. Sometimes people like neighbours who see someone very regularly get to observe behaviours that visiting family may not. She could be having moments of clarity and at other times her capacity to weigh up risk could fluctuate. Mental capacity can sometimes be difficult to assess too particularly if someone presents very well and appears to be managing some aspects of their life well.

Original poster
whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:51

mummybear2104 · 11/12/2023 19:47

Definitely contact the local social services team/speak with police if there are safeguarding here. I can see your concern but also see it potentially from the other side that there is genuine concern for mums safety and that of others if she were to drive. Sometimes people like neighbours who see someone very regularly get to observe behaviours that visiting family may not. She could be having moments of clarity and at other times her capacity to weigh up risk could fluctuate. Mental capacity can sometimes be difficult to assess too particularly if someone presents very well and appears to be managing some aspects of their life well.

Doesn't change the fact that only her doctor or the dvla legally can stop.her driving. It's not his decision which is the bit that has got me riled. My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

OP posts:
2jacqi · 11/12/2023 19:51

@whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem i would be getting the locks changed and contacting her social worker. If she has carers who come in they can access by another key in a key box at the door. he has no right to take her keys and is never going to be able to buy her car anyway!! In the future I wouldnt even allow him to buy her house either!! He sounds like he wants a bargain for everything and the fact that he has helped her in the past makes him feel entitled! maybe get her a community alarm!

OhComeOnFFS · 11/12/2023 19:51

You can assure him that there's no way on this earth your mum will sell the house or car to him.

Even if your mum does need help, it's not for him to get involved. If he thought she was driving unsafely then he should call the police.

Comedycook · 11/12/2023 19:54

Google "mate crime" op

And yes, I'd call the police tonight

SeatonCarew · 11/12/2023 19:54

whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 11/12/2023 19:51

Doesn't change the fact that only her doctor or the dvla legally can stop.her driving. It's not his decision which is the bit that has got me riled. My mum passed her test when she was 63 and I've always said she was a good shag the day she passed as she's a bloody awful driver but she always has been!

Show quote history

What a truly horrible thing to say, even in jest. It's so inappropriate that it casts doubt on all your earlier posts and whether you are a reliable witness.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/12/2023 19:55

Friendfoe1 · 11/12/2023 19:32

In your position I would definitely ring the police, they can retrieve the keys and have a word with him. He is massively over-stepping here and it needs nipping in the bud before it gets worse.

Absolutely this !

Thedm · 11/12/2023 19:58

Have you called the police yet? They need to get her car keys and house keys from him, and warm him about harassment.

I actually can’t believe you haven’t gone to the police.

furtivetussling · 11/12/2023 19:59

Of course the police would intervene. He has effectively stolen her car.