Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

[whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem]

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

This is abuse and police need to be involved now.

Sounds like potential elder abuse to me.
Get social services involved.

NDN behaviour is giving me red flags.

All of this plus:

Did you say her car is Motability?

If so, unless he is insured by Motability themselves he does not have insurance to drive it.

If he's named himself as a driver with Motability remove him and inform him.

Sort everything legally and get a solicitor to send him a cease and desist type of document.

I think you should get in touch with a professional home service that can help your mum out if she needs any. Helping her with shopping and then having a go at what she's bought is out of order. You need to make your mum understand this.

Sort the official stuff out so he cannot take from her, sort out new locks and remote cameras - inside ones, too.

This man isn't a friend. Even if he's not actually out to rob her, he feels that he is "due payment" for his help.

EXACTLY all of this!!

I've just read all your posts, OP.

While it's nice to try to hold out an olive branch to this man, I don't think it's a good idea to allow him full access to your mum. NO keys even if this means lock changes. Getting the police involved is a good idea and if he still can't keep away then you'll know he's up to no good.

You can always put remote locks in place. They give one-time access to tradesmen, the cleaner, etc.

He sounds controlling and probably won't take no as an answer from your mum. This puts her in a hard place and as it's always easier to say no and get irritated with family, she'll probably end up believing that he has her best interests at heart.

The next time you're there you should place a few spy cams around just so you can get to the truth of what this man is saying if he gains access.

Can you pay the cleaner to do some random checks under the guise that she's left something there? Your mum sounds independent and probably wouldn't appreciate being checked up on fairly frequently.

I feel for you. I had a similar situation with a family member. People like the NDN tell themselves they're being a good neighbour so they can justify bad behaviour!

How old is this neighbour, maybe it's him who is starting to loose capacity. They get a change in personality when it begins.
I hope you can resolve his interference.
Next he'll be accompanying her to the solicitors as you aren't a good daughter living with her and he does more so should inherit the lot!

Are you planning on getting her house keys back from him, OP?

I think he's made it clear that he does not have DMs best interests at heart. Maybe removing his assistance will be the catalyst for her accepting further outside help? Not that it sounds like she needs much.

Please do make sure to tell the Police that he wants her car/house and that he emptied her fridge etc.

He's a CF who is making out he's 'helping' but he's taking advantage.

This is outrageous.... I would call the police and remove him from your mum's life. This could cause serious stress to her. I would not allow him access to the property nor his family. The only person responsible for clearing out the fridge is you op. I'm a carer and have seen this action from a neighbour who wanted the property cheap and he made my clients life a nightmare. He would move things about, leave taps running to try and convince her she was losing her mind. Her family employed me just to keep and eye on her as it became very controlling. Please be careful he is not being a good neighbour

I was thinking this.

@whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem Hi OP! I’m a HCA in NHS Tayside and work for a department called enhanced care at home.
We specialise in people aged 65 and over. Do you know what kind of assessment your mum was given and who did the assessment. Normally when someone is referred to us by a doctor we go out and assess including looking at the whole picture including querying any cognitive impairments and if that person could be taken advantage of.
Where abouts in Scotland does your mum live and I could get you some contact details for that health board.

The only way it would be an idle threat is for you not to call the police. So, that is entirely in your court. Call the police. Put him in his place once and for all, so you can concentrate on looking after your mum. His reasoning, wha the DVLA might need or do is totally irrelevant to the fact that he entered premises without the owners permission. So, make t a fact, or an idle threat.

What a lovely person you are. I wish there were more people like you in the world and fewer NDNs like we're posting about.

I hope the OP sees your message and gets in touch. It would be a great help for her.

What does your mum think and what does she want? How does she feel about her neighbour? You say she has been assessed as having capacity. So what is her view?

Completely agree with this.

Could you do a regular online shop for her that means she doesn't need help from him with her groceries?

He sounds like a horrid mansplaining bullying dickhead! I'd get her to steer well clear.

Because he's an abuser. And victims often do anything the can to try to pacify their abuser in the hope that if they do whatever the abuser wants then the abuse will stop. Of course it doesn't work like that and the abuse only ever gets worse.

@agent765 Thanks I hope she sees it too. We are a nursing team that really deal with the medical side of things and try to prevent hospital admissions but if we see something is more social then we have have links to the social care department who can hopefully assist.

Hi

That very kind but you have it the wrong way around. I'm actually in Tayside. Mum is in Merseyside.

Lemons

They don't just give DLA/PIP to someone with sore joints. Her arthritis will have had to be impacting her badly

For the mobility element all that is required is that the person can barely walk. OP doesn't say that her mother gets the care element.

You might also be surprised to learn that a lot of people who could use more help from some sort of carer or home help simply have to do without, because social services are very reluctant to comply with the law (they usually use excuses of budget constraints).

I imagine this NDN is claiming carer's allowance for supposedly looking after your mum OP. If possible check that this doesn't impact any benefits she's on. Since he's not caring for her but abusing her and doesn't deserve to be paid for that.

@whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem oh sorry I looked back at your posts and I’ve made the mistake. It’s been one of those days here 😊. Maybe you could look to see if her area have something similar to us?

@Taurusandvirgo with the mobility part for PIP it does not always mean you can bearly walk. My son 21 can walk no issues but has full points for mobility as he can not follow a route by himself and that’s why he was awarded a mobility car.

You really need to get the police involved even if your mum says she doesn’t & get the adult safeguarding team involved too; and get the bloody key off of this parasite; the police can do that for you but insist he gives it back& check its the correct key before the police leave; he is abusing your mother in plain sight!!

I know you live some distance away but maybe employ someone from a care team to look in on her daily if she needs help, but get this guy & his family out of her life they’re seeing her as they’re golden ticket to an easy life & know your not around to keep an eye on them trust me it will only escalate if you leave it; I work with the elderly & some of the abuse stories they have suffered is enough turn your hair white. Protect your mum whilst you still can x

The police are going to be out tomorrow and get the key off him. The police she spoke to.on the phone described him as ignorant when they spoke to him.

I will update tomorrow. Once the keys are back I'll deal with the carers issue

Sorry @whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem I've not had time to RTFT yet.

He's deluded for a start re the car. If it's a Motability vehicle, it cannot just be used by anyone for their own purposes. Firstly, any additional driver needs to be officially added to Motability's own insurance policy with Direct Line. Secondly, any use by the third party must only be used for the benefit of the disabled person holding the lease. Many people try it on, but Motability often remove cars when people break the lease hire conditions.

Sorry @whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem ,also meant to add contact your mum's local council Adult Care department. She will be entitle to Direct Payments in order she can directly pay a PA to help with personal care, and the jobs she is unable to do.

Make sure you express to them how urgent this is. No need for her to rely on the parasitic scum next door.