DP’s ex after my salary

[Needhelp1000]

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

Nope, it's actually not.

I've actually seen this happen. I'd be very very careful, OP.

Unfortunately your income is taken into account in financial settlement, not because she’s entitled to your money but because it means your dp is in a better financial position than her, so the settlement will reflect that..

Is it correct that custody of his DC is 50/50? if so he's not obliged to pay any maintenance and also if he can provide proof of what he does pay for them, I cannot see what his ex thinks shes entitled to.
My DPs ex has made various comments regards my income and hinted it should benefit her ( another one who works PT with teenagers) thankfully my DP laughed at her and told her to fuck off.
Move out and start anew in your own home.

For someone who doesn't like confrontation, OP, he doesn't seem to have an issue confronting you
Exactly what I was thinking

OP, as others have said, why not repost your query on the Legal Matters board.
There are some incredibly knowledgable and helpful contributors there who will give you an impartial and factual reply.

Btw, it's fantastic that you are buying your own property. Focus on that, and on how it is going to be your lovely home without any of this additional stuff going on. You sound like a really nice person, and far too good for this man - it sounds as if any man would be lucky to have you (if that's what you want), so don't waste yourself on one who's sub-standard.

I feel sorry for his children. He should have sorted all of this out before letting them become attached to you (which, incidentally, means he is not a good dad).

Leave OP. Leave, leave, leave.

He is being manipulative, selfish and nasty towards you. Forget about her, he’s the problem. This is not life partner material.

I'd tell him you need some space to think. Pack as much stuff as you can and go to family. Then complete on your new home and live separately. Doesn't sound like cohabiting with him is in your best interests just now.

My ex husbands 1st wife tried to do this with my finances, she was told by a solicitor she had no claim on my salary etc.

You should make it very clear to her and your partner you'll be disclosing nothing and he has no right to either.

This is the legal matters board.

This was my thoughts too

He’s shown his true colours early. Think of that as a blessing, but your own house and run for the hills!

OP please leave. You deserve someone with less baggage and who is willing and able to make you the priority. I don't like the things he's saying to you at all.

Run for the hills OP.

This sounds messy and will cause you a lifetime of grief as she’ll always be in your life. Plus if he hasn’t got the backbone to say F OFF about giving your financials over then this would be a big turn off for me.

DP has just informed me that if I cause more hassle in the divorce & cause more solicitor bills because I’m refusing to state the financials then he wants me to pay the solicitor bills myself. No thanks

Quite surprising from someone who "doesn't like confrontation" isn't it?

Sorry OP, but I'm another who wonders if they're working together to fleece you.
Your gut instinct to get out is correct, and frankly the sooner the better

he will delay the divorce if I don’t disclose my financials as ‘apparently’ he can’t get divorced if I don’t provide the financials.

OP, you do not need to disclose your finances, nor can a judge order you to.

At best, it can be assumed that his needs (of the marital assets) are reduced because you are contributing to his bills.

It will not cost your 'd'p anything more if he declares that you will not disclose your finances, nor will it prolong the process.

He's really calling your bluff now, I have been in your shoes. His ex will be expected to maximise her own income by working ft before yours is ever considered.

You should step away. Stop subsidising his childcare, stop paying for his dc. You are not his priority, he is showing that very clearly as he is threatening you over his not-ex's unenforceable demands.

He clearly doesn’t mind confrontation.

I would reply to the solicitors letter and inform them I was staying temporarily and moving out. Then actually move out.

He is a wanker

Thank goodness you have family nearby to support you.
This man does not have your back and seems to be angry at you and not his ex wife. Your finances are your own business. Start planning to leave.
Cancel the childcare and stop paying for any more bills. Cancel any direct debits you have to him etc.
His ex chooses not to work, well that’s not your problem.

For some reason you got involved with a man with three kids, and who is also married, not sure what you were anticipating other than problems. It's probably for the splitting of assets and child maintenance purposes. Unfortunately, you got together with a dick that left three kids. And of course your life will revolve around his kids since he's partnered with you and is their dad.

Not for long, hopefully. It sounds like the OP is having doubts.

But your post is just a dressed up version of 'you knew what you were getting into' - not helpful.

I think this is more the issue @Needhelp1000

He clearly wants to know your salary. Now he’s not only threatened to slow proceedings down but he’s threatened to try to get you to foot his solicitor fees if you don’t tell him! He is not a keeper!!

cut loose now ✂️

As a pp said early on, move out and tell him you'll come back after they are divorced.

This is insane. Move in with family and leave him to it. Triple up on your contraception in the meantime.

That's bullshit.

I think your being taken for a ride now.

You have no need to provide details. I didnt. I refused.