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Original poster

DP’s ex after my salary

1000 replies

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 18:57

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Rec0veringAcademic · 31/05/2023 21:05

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 20:23

Is it worth me speaking to a separate solicitor about this?

DP has just informed me that if I cause more hassle in the divorce & cause more solicitor bills because I’m refusing to state the financials then he wants me to pay the solicitor bills myself. No thanks.

seriously having second thoughts about this relationship now.

Get the F out of there. This guy will fleece you before you can say decree nisi.

Quella · 31/05/2023 21:05

@BishopRock Blush
Sorry OP, I thought it was the Relationships board!
I'll get my coat...

OhComeOnFFS · 31/05/2023 21:07

It sounds as though the children are the best bit about that family - he and his ex seem like a nightmare.

Pack your bags and get the hell out of there, OP. He's bloody spineless and useless. He's willing to sacrifice you in order to keep his nutcase ex happy. This will not be a one off.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/05/2023 21:10

Instead of paying his legal fees tell him you;ll be saving him loads of money as he doesn't have to bother going through with his divorce - you don;t care and you aren;t going to hang about waiting for him.

Leave him to cool his heels with his Not-Ex-Wife .

NutellaNut · 31/05/2023 21:11

Jeez, tell them all to fuck right off….your spineless DP, his greedy ex and the weasel solicitors. You’re not married, so how can it possibly be any of their business? Get your own place and leave them to it!

fairywhale · 31/05/2023 21:11

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Flopsythebunny · 31/05/2023 21:12

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 31/05/2023 20:44

You are being given some wrong information here.

Your DH has a duty to disclose your income and capital assets in any financial remedy application, because you live together. The obligation to disclose is his. Not yours. If he genuinely does not know these details and says that in the form, then the other side may seek to have a witness summons against you, to have you appear at court as a witness. That does not happen very often. But I have known it.

When i was getting divorced my new partners fiancials were requested because we were living together. I simply wrote on the form that I did not know anything about my partners finances and at we had no financial links. Nothing more was said.
This was after I'd continued to pay the mortgage and bills on the marital home for 3 years after I'd left because he wouldn't get a job. If I hadn't the house would have been repossessed and 300k equity lost.
When we eventually went to court, I was awarded 50% equity plus the 3 years payments.
There were no children to take into account.

itwasntmetho · 31/05/2023 21:13

This reply has been deleted

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Huh? What's the OP done?

CharlottenBurger · 31/05/2023 21:15

I have noticed, over the years, how a woman with a decent salary can attract leeches. If not the man himself, then the ex may feel that the kids and (her) deserve to benefit from his 'good fortune'. Please, OP, don't your spineless partner and batshit ex get their hooks into your financials.

Happyher · 31/05/2023 21:15

I think you need some legal advice

billy1966 · 31/05/2023 21:16

So a man you are not married to, have no children with, that you do not share assets with, is threatening you that you are obliged to provide financial information for his divorce?

Are you seriously so spectacularly ill informed about life that you think this is in any way likely and reasonable?

I don't think I have read anything more truly unbelievable on here.

Pack your bags and leave asap.

He is bullying scum that believes you are so beyond dim, they both do.

OP, educate yourself because you are very very vulnerable to have considered this to be in any way true.

Why would you go to a solicitor?

Madness.

This has absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you married him, you still have absolutely NO obligation to pay a penny towards HIS children.

They both think you are a fool.

Pack your bags and move.

Truly unbelievable.

borntobequiet · 31/05/2023 21:17

I think you need to leave, asap.

noBSmum · 31/05/2023 21:17

How old are you OP, would you like to have children of your own? I am asking because this situation would make for a difficult blended family.

Anyways, I would leave. You are getting yourself in a sticky situation. Tell him you are removing yourself from the situation and let him sort his life out. Once the divorce is over you may reconsider dating.

Frankola · 31/05/2023 21:18

She has no rights to your financial information or your money for that matter.

Just ignore that part of the letter. If its brought up again get a solicitor to respond as such.

Zone2NorthLondon · 31/05/2023 21:18

CornishGem1975 · 31/05/2023 19:08

She has zero rights to your earnings. Tell her to get to fuck.

I like your candour

PatchworkDonkey · 31/05/2023 21:19

She's not the only one taking the complete piss. The so called "D"P who is willing to throw you under the bus because it's convenient for him, then has the cheek to blame you for why he can't get a divorce easily, is also taking the piss. He's a piece of shit. How dare he even think about passing on your private financial information to someone you have zero connection to and who has no rights to have that information. What an arsehole he is.

Frankola · 31/05/2023 21:19

Wow I've just seen all your updates OP. Nevermind any of my previous comment. Ditch your partner. He's absolutely toxic.

Mama2six · 31/05/2023 21:20

I wouldn’t reconsider dating someone who gaslit me into thinking I was going to cause problems if I didn’t declare me income to 2 people who requested it and then threatened to not get divorced if I didn’t. Not a chance. OP, RUN and don’t look back

GG1986 · 31/05/2023 21:20

Don't waste your money going to a solicitor!! Leave him ASAP. Buy your own home and get out of this complicated shitty situation.

febrezeme · 31/05/2023 21:21

From what I'm led to believe....she can actually request this information since what he "needs" to financially support himself is therefore less if he is living with someone else's compared to if he was living alone and it's relevant within the context of divorce and negotiating the settlement

Anyport · 31/05/2023 21:23

Red flag there, you live with an idiot and a money grabber is nipping at your ankles.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 31/05/2023 21:27

febrezeme · 31/05/2023 21:21

From what I'm led to believe....she can actually request this information since what he "needs" to financially support himself is therefore less if he is living with someone else's compared to if he was living alone and it's relevant within the context of divorce and negotiating the settlement

She can ask how much of the rent + bills her ex is paying, which would by default give an indication of OP's share. She does not have a right to OP's salary, savings, pension and so on.

Quitelikeit · 31/05/2023 21:29

Op

there are other flags here that don’t seem to bother you

how he pays for everything for his kids?! How he won’t stand up to her?! This means she gets to control your lives from afar

seems like there are three of you in this marriage

PatchworkDonkey · 31/05/2023 21:29

Actually since he's so keen OP does as his ex wants and as he hasn't divorced the ex, I'm wondering if this is some sort of scam. Do the pair of them go around finding naïve idiots (sorry OP but you really are) who they can convince to give "the ex" money, then he breaks up with new person and gets back with "ex" having effectively stolen from new person. A confidence trickster thing?

I came across one once before, except that was the woman starting new relationships with men she and her husband thought they could fleece. A "secret" affair, then husband "finds out" and she's "homeless" but funily enough doesn't want any assistance whatsoever except the option of moving into homeowner new man's place. I guess the plan was to run up debts in his name or something. Luckily he smelled a rat.

NotMyMill · 31/05/2023 21:31

DeliciouslyDecadent · 31/05/2023 19:59

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Well you should have asked him when you met him and kept on asking him.

yep, this is why I don’t even entertain men who are not officially divorced. It’s unnecessarily messy. I was talking to one guy once and he revealed the one child he had was with a partner he had got with when he was 3 years separated. Having a child or even living with someone else’s wife /husband is utterly weird.

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