Page 31 | DP’s ex after my salary

Topee · 01/06/2023 21:38

OP and her DP are not married. She may not even choose to disclose her earnings and savings to him, let alone a third party. Even if married finances aren’t necessarily shared, my Aunt never knew how much my Uncle earned or had saved.

Do you legally lose your right to financial privacy if you partner with somebody going through a divorce?

suburbophobe · 01/06/2023 21:39

OP, you sound lovely.

They both sound toxic. It's like a "dance" to get you to pay for their fuck-ups in life.

Been through that. Till my eyes opened. Reading MN threads really help!

Don't fall for it.

Stay strong! and fuck them out of your life
It can only get better for you. Take it as a lesson to carry into your future.

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 01/06/2023 21:40

I haven’t RTT but my story involves a lazy greedy ex and my salary.

She tried and failed to get more from him - she already had wayyyy too much. God forbid she should ever work decent hours for money.

Nothing was too low for her, she even tried to get some of his inheritance from his still very much alive mother! She disgusts me and always will. We’re several years on now.

Thesharkradar · 01/06/2023 21:40

as per @ThePlasticScouser the OP is the catch here, yet he is trying to gaslight her into feeling that HE is the catch by threatening not to get divorced (presume the implication is that he will then be free to give himself fully to OP?) unless OP complies with what he wants her to do!

suburbophobe · 01/06/2023 21:44

Oh, and men are pathetic if they can't even be honest about being divorced or not.

That's no way to be in a relationship. Wanting me to disclose my earnings?

Oh do fuck off. None of your fucking business....

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 01/06/2023 21:56

@eastegg Lot of confusion on this thread actually. Lots of pps seem confused between ancillary relief proceedings, where a court decides how to divide assets on divorce, and child maintenance, which is solely concerned with how much a father should pay to support his kids. I’m surprised more people posting in LM don’t know the difference. As I understand it, a new partner’s salary can be enquired into in the former proceedings, not the latter. If a court were to require disclosure, it would be DP’s responsibility to provide it, not OP.

The thread was I think originally posted on one of the other boards so lots of posters with no relevant knowledge chipped in with their no doubt well meaning but often incorrect views. After the thread was moved to Legal prh47bridge and others have given (what seems to me to be) more sensible advice but unfortunately there’s still quite a lot of nonsense coming through.

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 01/06/2023 21:59

I speak from direct experience, not legal knowledge. She tried to get hold of my money, she failed.
I wouldn’t give her a penny if she was begging in the street.

eastegg · 01/06/2023 22:02

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 01/06/2023 21:56

@eastegg Lot of confusion on this thread actually. Lots of pps seem confused between ancillary relief proceedings, where a court decides how to divide assets on divorce, and child maintenance, which is solely concerned with how much a father should pay to support his kids. I’m surprised more people posting in LM don’t know the difference. As I understand it, a new partner’s salary can be enquired into in the former proceedings, not the latter. If a court were to require disclosure, it would be DP’s responsibility to provide it, not OP.

The thread was I think originally posted on one of the other boards so lots of posters with no relevant knowledge chipped in with their no doubt well meaning but often incorrect views. After the thread was moved to Legal prh47bridge and others have given (what seems to me to be) more sensible advice but unfortunately there’s still quite a lot of nonsense coming through.

Ok thanks I didn’t realise the thread had been moved.

Original poster

Needhelp1000 · 01/06/2023 22:03

I don’t think the thread was moved - I intended to post on legal!

OP posts:

CombatBarbie · 01/06/2023 22:03

OP you are doing amazingly well given there's been no let up even after you stayed with your brother!!

Random question, if she works very part time, how is she affording a solicitor?? I thought legal aid was only granted in abusive divorces... but could be wrong.

Original poster

Needhelp1000 · 01/06/2023 22:04

I have a solicitor consultation booked - peace of mind for me and once that’s done and my exams are done I’m going to come to a decision on where my future is going, with or without this man.

I’ve not heard from him and can see he’s finally respecting my need for space, but I do want to get legal advice independently.

OP posts:

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 01/06/2023 22:05

Good for you OP. Sending you very best wishes, you know you can do better.

Original poster

Needhelp1000 · 01/06/2023 22:06

CombatBarbie · 01/06/2023 22:03

OP you are doing amazingly well given there's been no let up even after you stayed with your brother!!

Random question, if she works very part time, how is she affording a solicitor?? I thought legal aid was only granted in abusive divorces... but could be wrong.

Thanks.

I honestly don’t know how she’s affording it to be honest! I’ve not really thought about it.

OP posts:

Younglady18 · 01/06/2023 22:10

From previous experience I do believe this is correct information.
Because of the children in a divorce situation, finances are assessed based on your DP’s total household income which includes you.

SheilaFentiman · 01/06/2023 22:12

I don’t think the thread was moved, it’s just come up in active a lot, and the title attracted attention.

OP, glad you are going to get advice!

Elfer13 · 01/06/2023 22:17

If or when divorce proceedings are settled by the family court whatever assets the two participants have built up during or before their marriage will be split 50/50 after any joint financial obligations are met.
Solicitor's in my experience will try to stir up trouble to generate extra work and money for them, I was told my ex's new partner had bought several new things, a car, TV, etc but this was dismissed at the final hearing as being totally irrelevant.
I went through this a few years ago and at the final hearing my barrister said in his thirty years experience he had only known this not to happen on two occasions and both involved horrific abuse, attempted murder being one.
I am not a solicitor or barrister but please make your partner and his ex aware that every point of contact will be charged for and could result in unnecessary thousands of pounds being spent.
The judge at my final divorce proceeding told both legal parties to stop "milking the cow" his exact words and sort it out, they did in five minutes but only after tens of thousands had been spent by me and my ex (we both got 50/50).
I only comment on my own experience and suppose I have some sympathy for your partner as he is clearly being played and his ex needs to realise that her final legal bill will come out of the settlement.
A full and final settlement must be implemented if you decide to stay with him to protect you both in the future.
Your peace of mind is of course your own issue and I wish you all the best.

SgtCatherineCawood · 01/06/2023 22:18

CombatBarbie · 01/06/2023 22:03

OP you are doing amazingly well given there's been no let up even after you stayed with your brother!!

Random question, if she works very part time, how is she affording a solicitor?? I thought legal aid was only granted in abusive divorces... but could be wrong.

@CombatBarbie it's a long time ago so obviously things may have changed but my mum got legal aid as she was low income compared to him, it wasn't an abusive marriage. He was just a twat

Cazareeto1 · 01/06/2023 22:21

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 18:57

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

She has no rights to your finances she has probably been waiting for you both to move in so she can make out he was cheating with you. I’d get lawyered up and tell him to get a divorce with a lawyer in toe (you may have to pay for that to get things moving) he sounds like he won’t get more hours until he is divorced from her so she can’t take more of his money… ur stuck in a loop until the divorce is done, ur money should not come into it especially if you have just moved in together… get a lawyer ain’t ur kids.. you don’t pay child maintenance for them, just make them feel welcome when at urs

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 01/06/2023 22:25

Needhelp1000 · 01/06/2023 22:03

I don’t think the thread was moved - I intended to post on legal!

Ah. Maybe my mistake then. I thought I remembered someone posting to recommend moving the thread to legal but perhaps, being a bit of an old fart, I was having a “senior moment”

(in which case I can only agree with eastegg’s original comment about the quality of some of the responses).

Glad to see you are getting your own legal advice

knobheeeeed · 01/06/2023 22:25

DP has just informed me that if I cause more hassle in the divorce & cause more solicitor bills because I’m refusing to state the financials then he wants me to pay the solicitor bills myself. No thanks

Bin him for this. He should not be threatening you. Why the fuck should you pay the solicitor bills for his divorce.
And in your OP you said DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings
Another threat - do what I say or I won't be getting a divorce.

What a knob

I don't know anything about the legals ins and outs of this, but I wouldn't trust him at all and I don't take well to being threatened so it would be over for me, especially as you say there were other things you were unsure about in the relationship

Cazareeto1 · 01/06/2023 22:32

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 18:57

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

If they have not lived together for 2 years or more then you can cut half the crap with the divorce, it’s UK law, I’m not sure where u are from. But I hope taht helps a little?

Stopcomplainingandsortit · 01/06/2023 22:44

Run for the hills!! Taking all your financials with you!!

Cerealkillerontheloose · 01/06/2023 22:48

SheilaFentiman · 01/06/2023 14:34

“Please inform your solicitor that I am currently travelling with work and will be seeking separate legal advice on this point when I return and I do not consent to any information sharing until I have received such advice”

This. 100%. Great reply!

adriftabroad · 01/06/2023 22:52

He is a married man with 3 children
You are living in his (and his wifes house)
Brilliant, long standing posters who are legal have told you she is well within her rights to ask this and have patiently explained
Nobody is scamming you and nobody is taking your money

SheilaFentiman · 01/06/2023 22:56

adriftabroad · 01/06/2023 22:52

He is a married man with 3 children
You are living in his (and his wifes house)
Brilliant, long standing posters who are legal have told you she is well within her rights to ask this and have patiently explained
Nobody is scamming you and nobody is taking your money

5 that is not the point, the point is her DP’s attitude, threatening her with legal bills and hustling her for answers