I need help to defend myself against a Prohibited Steps Order

[Toomuchwine89]

I met my ex husband when I had four children, and was with him for 6 years. When we'd been together for a year, we bought a house together, although it's only him on the mortgage. We married 9 months after buying the house (summer 2018).

He was emotionally/verbally abusive, controlling, punched walls etc. The abuse was towards me and the children (mostly his non bio children) and was getting worse. I have video evidence of this and text messages.

I tried talking to him many times but nothing changed, so on the advice of Women's Aid, I fled to a refuge while we was at work in November last year.

He love bombed the hell out of me and begged me to come home, but I said I couldn't unless he seriously changed, which could take months. Obviously that was too much effort so he instructed a solicitor instead. Around this time I reported his behaviour towards the children and me to the police and they advised me to obtain a non molestation order, which I did, and it has been granted for 12 months.

I've now been served with a court hearing for a Child Arrangement Order, which I was expecting. However, he has also applied for a prohibited steps order, to stop us leaving the local area. He doesn't know this, but I had indeed applied to a council 2.5 hours away for housing. Not to stop contact, but to start afresh, and avoid having to see him around etc.

His bio children aren't in school yet so wouldn't have to change schools and they don't really have a relationship with his family. He has even written in his court application that because of his job, he couldn't have the children overnight in the week.

How do I best go about defending this order? I genuinely believe it's about control rather than the welfare of the children.

I’m absolutely not a lawyer so please don’t read anything more into my advice than you would the advice of a sensible friend. I’ll be glad of it helps though.
To be fair to your ex, he may well have been advised that legally he has no parental responsibility for your middle daughter as she’s not biologically his, and therefore no chance of a judge awarding contact time, particularly in a case where there was documented Domestic Abuse on his part. That may be why he hasn’t named her in his request for contact.
If the children, including his bio kids, are all named on the non molestation order then that is enormously important to your case. There is currently a legal order forbidding him from seeing his children and yet he’s objecting to you moving away? I would be discussing with your solicitor what reasonable contact is likely to look like in the future between your ex and his children with you - I imagine the Non Molestation order would have to expire first or be overturned, and then I would imagine this is a case where indirect contact or supervised contact may well be considered necessary. Even if it’s possible that this contact would build up further, this all takes a significant amount of time, and forcing you to stay in the county housed in a refuge starts to sound more and more unreasonable.

Thanks for your reply. You can still apply for contact with a stepchild, if you've lived with them for more than three years I think it is? So I reckon it's just him being a twat.

As for the non mol... It prohibits him contacting the children, or going to/near the school or nursery between 8:30am and 4pm. It doesn't actually exclude him having contact with them 🙄 but it doesn't expire until the end of December, and it would surely rule out unsupervised contact, as he would be breaking the law if he contacted me while he had them?

Bump for evening crowd x

I think you have to accept the house in the meantime. If you refuse it I'd imagine you'd go to the bottom of the list.

I might have to ask my solicitor? She doesn't know I've actually been nominated for a house, just that I'd applied. But then she was very clear in her advice not to move 😔

Basically I'd think proving you can house them properly is a pretty fundamental step.

You'd need evidence supporting why it's further away. There are no 4 bedroom houses and you are currently 58th on the list for such a property locally.

Ex has refused to move out of the family home so this is the situation he has created. Provide supporting evidence (text or whatever).

This is your story. Not his.

My super lawyer re-wrote our story. Supported it with quotes from the documented evidence. We'd been in court A LOT so all the previous element that had got us there were also documented in the court docs.

I'd learnt over the 9 years to document everything. I'd go to the police to make a statement each time he did something that would help my case.

Judges want a succinct story with documented evidence to support it. Not a huge long he said, she said.

And I'd say yes to the house because it's still not actually bought so time is on your side.

You could ask your housing officer first thing tomorrow about what would happen if you said yes to the house, pending decision by the court on the PSO order on X date. If saying yes then pulling out if the judge says no isn’t going to cause you enormous issues then that might be the way to go? So maybe a call to your housing officer then a call to your solicitor ASAP (to check it won’t cause issues in court either), tomorrow ideally.

Yes I'm definitely going to contact both. Thank you. Also I will not be bringing emotion into the court room! Only facts, and evidence.

However.

I've just had another look on google/Mumsnet threads at the town with the house in, and apparently it's a shit hole, rough, traffic is a nightmare at weekends, schools are crap. So that's great :(

I have been planning to move without my exes knowledge from dorset to Essex. Family is all in Essex and ex lives 3 miles up the road from me but works in London 3 out of 4 weeks.
we have no family no support at all in Dorset. They are all in Essex. Family friends and my partner.
I’ve finalised a house swap this week and move Saturday but Monday I recieved a PSO saying my children can not move town or school.
ex only sees children once a month. Currently he’s 5 hours on a good drive away with the move he would be 45 mins away and we are surrounded by family friends my partner that can support us.
so I have a house to go too, school places granted and I’m also willing to drive more than half journey for the handover when ex is in dorset with kids

has anyone moved and gone against the PSO and what’s happened?

abusive relationship I’ve applied for non mol and child arrangements order and submitted lots of forms and also sent a c100 but they didn’t see that I sent that to request the PSO to be changed. From advice I’ve had I need to do another c100 and write it’s to try and over turn the PSO
im so confused and have no help
advice would be great

Do not breach the PSO. If you do, you will be in contempt of court. You could be imprisoned. You will make yourself look unreasonable to the court, so you will be less likely to get the benefit of any doubt. The fact you were trying to move without his knowledge is also likely to count against you. You could find that your children are moved to live with your ex, and you only have limited contact.

You make it sound like this PSO came out of the blue. If that is the case, it is likely to be a temporary order pending a full hearing, so you don't need to do anything apart from prepare for the hearing. However, if there has already been a hearing, you face an uphill struggle to change things.

You need to focus on your children's best interests. You need to show that you've thought through contact arrangements properly. The problem you have is that you will be moving them to different schools and away from their friends. If your ex is able to accommodate them in Dorset, he can make the case that there would be less disruption for them if they live with him.

He works in London 3 out of 4 weeks so hes not even here. There’s no family or friends in dorset.
the new house is 45 minutes from his work and he goes the town when he’s in London so the option to have a relationship with his children grows from once a month to every week if he wanted. All family and support is in Colchester that mine and his.
this can helP with hand over over children etc plus children get to see family on a weekly basis currently it’s between every couple months or years between visits. I will even take children to London to see their dad if I don’t have plans.
this is too improve contact with children and dad plus family and give me and children support we desperately need.
my partner works there too and my children miss him more than dad. I’m getting married imminently and his children are moving in with us too which my children also want
I’ve already done the house swap and move on Saturday keys exchanged and everything. And secured them school places before this PSO came.
im also ooorly and need medical assistance and future operations which me and children need support with, which we do not have here. Ex refused to help me in summer when I needed an operation. I was forced to do it holidays in day surgery so I could recover at home and take of my kids too because dad refused to help. The children had to help me do things how’s this fair on them they are 4 and 7.
they cry daily to be near family and my partner
it’s at the point they don’t want to go to dads once a month I have to force them. And then he doesn’t do right by them in many ways health wise school wise or clubs etc that I paid for.
last night I went to watch my son school Christmas production and he wasn’t even taken! The teachers were waiting with his costume and everything
this isn’t good parenting.

i wan to give the opportunity to have them all see each other weekly and this gives that opportunity

@mumzy77 you need to start your own thread to maximize replies. People won't see your post on p.4 of somebody else's thread from February.

No practical advice but best wishes, you must be out of your mind worrying.