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Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split

201 replies

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:01

Hi,

I want to relocate myself and daughter after splitting up with my ex. Our daughter is 3 - in pre school in the local area.

We currently have a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean thats not practical anymore given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.

I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like School Holidays & weekends but he is pushing back against this.

What chances of this passing in court do i have?

thanks
NM

OP posts:
crumpet · 21/11/2022 20:31

Sorry 10 hours.

drpet49 · 21/11/2022 20:32

drkpl · 21/11/2022 15:11

So you want to remove your child away from their dad so you can be with your new partner…because he won’t move his kids from their familiar surroundings, routine and school? But it’s ok for your child?

This. Your sole focus right now should be your child not some new partner who lives 300 miles away.

mumyes · 21/11/2022 20:42

drkpl · 21/11/2022 15:11

So you want to remove your child away from their dad so you can be with your new partner…because he won’t move his kids from their familiar surroundings, routine and school? But it’s ok for your child?

Good point

mumyes · 21/11/2022 20:42

Put your kids before your new boyfriend.

Sorry. Harsh, but true.

mumyes · 21/11/2022 20:45

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:36

its been over a year

Jesus. A bloody year, is that all?!

moleeye · 21/11/2022 20:50

I call bullshit, this can't be real

Minimalme · 21/11/2022 20:59

You daughter is three and needs her Daddy. You are grown up and not living near your partner won't harm you in the slightest.

Why can't you see your partner during holidays?

fortheloveofflowers · 21/11/2022 21:04

So a year with a person that lives 300 miles away!!
Utterly selfish you do this. Put your child first and not your fanny!

Tiswa · 21/11/2022 21:08

I agree you say your partner can’t move his children from school (and he is probably right) but you can move your daughter away from her Dad that she sees alot

DangerNoodles · 21/11/2022 21:15

How will this move actually benefit your DD? Your first priority must be your DD's welfare.

You barely know this man yourself, you've only been together a year and he lives 300 miles away. It's madness to move a child in with a man you don't know. He won't disrupt his DCs lives yet you are considering disrupting your child.

It's also a shit thing to do to your ex as he has her just short of half the time. If I were him I would do everything in my power to stop you moving.

Charitybargainhunter · 21/11/2022 21:18

@DigbyLongcock I was making the point that I’m not sure there’s a better case for his kids staying put rather than OPs DD.

it’s not exactly a good option for any of them imo, but it’s not automatically’bad’ for his kids

we don’t know how old they are, what family ( if any) live nearby etc.

there aren’t enough facts to make a decision on this,

CarefreeMe · 21/11/2022 21:27

Where do all of your family live?

I really don’t think you’ve thought this through at all.

You either don’t know him very well as he lives so far away so you can’t see him very often

  • which would mean uprooting your life for a stranger which is a very silly thing to do and you’ll have a shock to the system moving to a new county, in a new house, getting a new job and having no family or friends around.

Or you do know him well because you see him quite often which makes me wonder what the point of moving your entire life is.

Forget about your ex for a second.

Have you thought about how it might be for children who’ve lost their parent to have another women and child come and live in their home?

They may enjoy it for a couple of weeks but then reality will hit and there will likely be jealousy when they see their dad giving affection to you and your child.

What are you going to do if his kids decide they hate you or your child?
You’ll be living in their home and have nowhere else to go which already puts you and your child at a disadvantage.

If you’re going to uproot your entire life then at least live separately from him for a couple of years.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/11/2022 21:28

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 16:11

There is case law of these things happening tho, parents moving to be closer to relatives or new job or new partner, all of which are judged equally...

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed153303

can i ask why you moved from family law. I am ver sceptical of these forums, a lot of internet lawyers.

Then pay for legal advice

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 21:52

Charitybargainhunter · 21/11/2022 21:18

@DigbyLongcock I was making the point that I’m not sure there’s a better case for his kids staying put rather than OPs DD.

it’s not exactly a good option for any of them imo, but it’s not automatically’bad’ for his kids

we don’t know how old they are, what family ( if any) live nearby etc.

there aren’t enough facts to make a decision on this,

True. It does sound like a selfish and crap decision on the part of both adults, though.

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 21:56

The full facts are: Split up when DD was 3 months. He constantly worked and lived away from home. We co-habited for 11 more months post break up (covid). He moved back with his dad which was a short term plan 1 hour away. This is still the case today. I met new partner 14 months ago. Things have gone great. The house me and Ex have we are looking to sell, which he's now decided against. DD still attends same nursery.

OP posts:
CourtneeLuv · 21/11/2022 21:57

God, your poor daughter 😔

Nanny0gg · 21/11/2022 22:31

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 21:56

The full facts are: Split up when DD was 3 months. He constantly worked and lived away from home. We co-habited for 11 more months post break up (covid). He moved back with his dad which was a short term plan 1 hour away. This is still the case today. I met new partner 14 months ago. Things have gone great. The house me and Ex have we are looking to sell, which he's now decided against. DD still attends same nursery.

As you live such a long way away, how often have you and b/f actually been together?

What do his children think?

incognitocheeto · 21/11/2022 23:10

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 21:56

The full facts are: Split up when DD was 3 months. He constantly worked and lived away from home. We co-habited for 11 more months post break up (covid). He moved back with his dad which was a short term plan 1 hour away. This is still the case today. I met new partner 14 months ago. Things have gone great. The house me and Ex have we are looking to sell, which he's now decided against. DD still attends same nursery.

Sorry if I'm missing something here, but I can't see how these "full facts" make an ounce of difference to the situation?

sofrustratedbylackofknowledge · 21/11/2022 23:12

I can give you a specific example of my DH ex wife attempting what you are trying to do. I am not a lawyer but have a law degree - so dealt with my husbands case for him as litigant in person (the only part I was not permitted to be involved in were the actual court hearings. As these are confined to the concerned persons (the parents, social worker and legal rep of his ex wife (a direct access barrister)

His ex made the application.
My DH opposed it.
Reasons were provided.

Court hearing .

Ex wife put her case forward and her reasons why it would be in the childrens best interests .

New hearing date set.
Long statement from her lawyer setting out the utopian uplands of her planned new life following marriage to her fiancée who she had been seeing for 4 years but had never lived with her and the children. He worked overseas but was returning to be near his older children 200 miles from DH.

I wrote a 95 page rebuttal statement . Going through each point. These mostly comprised the financial gains she would have access to with the new marriage and how that would provide a much better quality of life to the children . Stuff like private schools, horse riding lessons. Ski holidays. Along with 'hands on support' with the children.

This man had spent a total of 10 weekends with them in 4 years. They were 12 10,9 7 at the time and saw us EOW without fail and had done for 4 years. They had sibling relationships with my three of similar age.

Second hearing . Judge read statements and asked if the father would be prepared to be the resident parent. We had already agreed between ourselves that this would of course be fine although not the best for the children. She was/is a good mother except for her hatred of my DH.. and the kids love both their parents.

Judge ordered social workers reports. Social worker came to us when the kids were with us. Also to his ex when kids were with her. Spoke to the kids alone as well.

Return to court and judge ruled that as the children had a 'strong and effective relationship with the father the application to remove was refused. He also added that if the mother required 'extra support' the father is the one who should provide it and would consider an application should DH be minded to make one.

He didn't at that time as felt she had lost a lot. Wish we had done in retrospect.

A year of massive unpleasantness from ex ensued. Then she married him and he moved in with her. He lived with her 6 months before taking up another post overseas . 'Couldn't live with someone else's teens'

They are still married but the kids tell us that he just isn't someone they want to live with . All late teen mostly twenties now. Mother flies out to visit her DH e every month and he does the same.

He never did stump up for the private schools.

clpsmum · 21/11/2022 23:18

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:06

he is a widow, cant really take his kids out of school

Neither Evan you tbh or away from their dad

halofern · 21/11/2022 23:52

You're an absolute moron for considering uprooting your own life, let alone taking your toddler away from her father, for a boyfriend you've known barely a year!

knittingaddict · 22/11/2022 03:45

moleeye · 21/11/2022 20:50

I call bullshit, this can't be real

I agree.

butterfliedtwo · 22/11/2022 03:53

passport123 · 21/11/2022 15:11

If I was your kids Dad and you tried to pull this I'd go for being the RP and you having just weekends and holidays. FFS, put your kids before your boyfriend.

This.

Mariposista · 22/11/2022 09:14

Let het Dad have main custody of her, you swan off with you new squeeze and then travel to see her when it suits him. Hmm didn't think you would like that idea.
Put your child and her need to have a relationship with both of you above yourself and your selfish want want want to play happy families with a new boyfriend.

HowcanIhelp123 · 22/11/2022 09:43

Courts will act in the best interests of the child. She is settled in her nursery, sees her dad 40% of the time, has lots of family around. They won't take all that away from her so you can move in with your partner of a year. They won't stop you going, but it will be you getting the weekends and school holidays.

If your mum had come to you as a child and said 'right, me and dad are splitting up and we're moving away so you can only see him occaisonally' you'd have been devastated and pissed.

It would be a different story if he wasn't involved but he is, the only way this happens is if you work it out between you and he agrees.