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Original poster

Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split

201 replies

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:01

Hi,

I want to relocate myself and daughter after splitting up with my ex. Our daughter is 3 - in pre school in the local area.

We currently have a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean thats not practical anymore given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.

I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like School Holidays & weekends but he is pushing back against this.

What chances of this passing in court do i have?

thanks
NM

OP posts:
gogohmm · 21/11/2022 15:20

Flip it around, how about you leave your dc with her dad and only have holiday/weekend contact ? Would you mind that?

minidancer · 21/11/2022 15:21

Don't do it. You'll wreck your child's relationship with their dad. He's involved, why would you make things so hard? I was in a similar position, I wanted to move to be near my parents but stayed to maintain the relationship my child had with their dad. It's not what I wanted but your child come first. 20 years on and my child and dad are exceptionally close, as is his paternal grandparent. It was the right decision for my child. I'm still not happy living where I am but I've made the most of it to stay close to my now adult child.

TooHotToRamble · 21/11/2022 15:21

Why would you do that to your child?

Lbnc2021 · 21/11/2022 15:23

Why don’t you go and live with your new boyfriend and you can have your child in the holidays instead?

Original poster
NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:24

Can you really be on these forums if you are Cafcass?

I know it isnt easy, also i didnt give all details. But my new partner is a widow i think from his side it is understandable he cant move them. My ex also sometimes works much closer to where my new partner is.

OP posts:
Autumflower · 21/11/2022 15:25

Probably best to leave dd with dad ,for the routine and security,then your free to move in with new partner,
saves having to up root the little one .
your new bloke has the right idea ,he’s not uprooting his kids for a relationship.good on him doing the best for his kids

DrMarciaFieldstone · 21/11/2022 15:25

This is familiar, did you post under another name
recently? Someone wanting to move miles away with an old friend who recently became a partner? pretty sure advice was the same - don’t do it.

midgetastic · 21/11/2022 15:26

How much time have you spent with your new partner if he lives so far away?

It's a major risk that you are exposing your child to - moving away from dad to a new place so mam can be with someone she can't know that well and child can barely know ?

Sorry if I missed something

AssumingDirectControl · 21/11/2022 15:27

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:24

Can you really be on these forums if you are Cafcass?

I know it isnt easy, also i didnt give all details. But my new partner is a widow i think from his side it is understandable he cant move them. My ex also sometimes works much closer to where my new partner is.

Why wouldn’t I be? There’s all manner of family law and social care practitioners on mumsnet. I’m not asking for or sharing families’ details, just noting my own experience of how it works in general.

KangarooKenny · 21/11/2022 15:28

He is a widow so has no other parent to consider in this move, you do.

pocketvenuss · 21/11/2022 15:29

Why are you so accepting of your new partner not moving their dc from their school but you are happily hoping to move your dc from their parent? You sound incredibly selfish and thinking of no one but yourself

Original poster
NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:29

not me.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 21/11/2022 15:30

I have direct experience. Courts put the interests of the child first and they believe that regular contact with both parents is very important.

A judge would appoint Cafcass to look into circumstances and write a report with recommendations to the judge. Your reason for moving are likely to be determined not in the child's best interests. They are moving away from a stable relationship with the father to a relationship with an unknown man and his children.

Your relationship doesn't trump your daughters right to regular contact with her father.

Crimbodrama · 21/11/2022 15:31

OP - in this case, if this is your plan, I would actually ask your ex to be the RP and you have the holidays and weekends. Why should you uproot your child's life for the sake of a new partner? this doesn't scream good parenting to me.

MichelleScarn · 21/11/2022 15:32

drkpl · 21/11/2022 15:11

So you want to remove your child away from their dad so you can be with your new partner…because he won’t move his kids from their familiar surroundings, routine and school? But it’s ok for your child?

Exactly,which makes me call reverse. I hope! Nobody would be so dreadful to their own child to benefit a new partners kids surely?!

Original poster
NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:34

thanks for your reply, appreciated.

Can i ask what experience you have? i feel a lot of people on here dont always tell the truth more project from experiences they have had / take the moral stance without having professional experience

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 21/11/2022 15:35

medicatedgift · 21/11/2022 15:17

How new is this partner? Why are his kids being put before yours by you?

I would like to know this too. Describing them as "new" is ringing alarm bells to me and this is vital information.

Crimbodrama · 21/11/2022 15:35

OP - I am currently going through the family court. They will ALWAYS act in the child's best interests.
I would have you have a slim to none chance of moving your child away from her father who appears to be heavily involved. If that is the case, YOU would be expected to facilitate contact at its current level. I.E - YOU doing all the travelling.

Original poster
NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:36

its been over a year

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 21/11/2022 15:36

NorthernMum86 · 21/11/2022 15:24

Can you really be on these forums if you are Cafcass?

I know it isnt easy, also i didnt give all details. But my new partner is a widow i think from his side it is understandable he cant move them. My ex also sometimes works much closer to where my new partner is.

Anyone can post on MN as it is anonymous.

You are just frustrated because people are giving you advice against what you want to do.

You can move about 60 to 90 minutes away with no issues if you both drive or have other means of transport, but if it is longer than that or you have no feasible transport options your ex can kick up a fuss.

The only reason I know is because I had to give details of my travel routes to work and one of my relations house to help a friend out when she wanted to move to another town a few years ago. Her ex was complaining it would take him nearly 90 minutes to get there, there as I could prove that it was less than an hour as I did the routes 10 to 12 times a week. At the time I lived a few minutes walk from her ex.

Lbnc2021 · 21/11/2022 15:36

Well I know a guy who got full residency of his daughter after she tried to move her from Scotland to england and the court put an interim order on for his daughter to stay with him and then it became permanent.

feathermucker · 21/11/2022 15:38

You don't need professional experience or specific legal qualifications to know that this is a bad idea. Your daughter deserves a relationship with her Dad.

And people's lived experiences of similar situations serve to highlight the highly negative outcomes.

Why do your needs trump his? How long have you been with your partner?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/11/2022 15:38

Lbnc2021 · 21/11/2022 15:36

Well I know a guy who got full residency of his daughter after she tried to move her from Scotland to england and the court put an interim order on for his daughter to stay with him and then it became permanent.

Lets hope the dad here applies for full residency of the child.

knittingaddict · 21/11/2022 15:39

I agree with others. I don't think a judge would rubber stamp an arrangement that put the relationship between a child and a parent at risk.

My daughter has been through the family courts and they will prioritise the relationship with even abusive men, so I don't think they will put your ex and his children at such a huge disadvantage.

Lbnc2021 · 21/11/2022 15:39

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/11/2022 15:38

Lets hope the dad here applies for full residency of the child.

Show quote history

Was a few years ago mins you.