Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split

[NorthernMum86]

Hi,

I want to relocate myself and daughter after splitting up with my ex. Our daughter is 3 - in pre school in the local area.

We currently have a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean thats not practical anymore given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.

I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like School Holidays & weekends but he is pushing back against this.

What chances of this passing in court do i have?

thanks
NM

Slim, tbh.

How new is your new partner?

Why can't he move to be where you are?

Won't your dd miss seeing her father, whom she must be very bonded to by now?

Will the move be within the same country?
Which country are you in now?
Is the split court ordered or an informal arrangement?

he is a widow, cant really take his kids out of school

it is in the UK and will be remaining in the UK just a long distance away.

we split mutually.

Honestly? In my experience, very unlikely.

sorry the 60/40 split was just what was practical at the time. His dad would do one day my mum a different one. we came to this mutually.

Slim.

really appreciate the response. Can i ask what experience do you have with this? Just on a fact finding mission.

All in England?

So you want to remove your child away from their dad so you can be with your new partner…because he won’t move his kids from their familiar surroundings, routine and school? But it’s ok for your child?

Not high if he's pushing against it and has been heavily involved. He has a right to see his child. You should be focusing on whats best for your daughter not yourself.

If I was your kids Dad and you tried to pull this I'd go for being the RP and you having just weekends and holidays. FFS, put your kids before your boyfriend.

yes

I was a child brought up in this situation.

I'm not saying definitely don't do it, but I will tell you that I'm currently in therapy because it's still affecting me 40 yrs later.

Ultimately the decision is up to you.

It’s a big mistake to move hundreds of miles away from your family, your child’s father and support network

you don’t know this guy very well and moving in with him and his children will be very destabilising for his kids considering their mother has passed

highly unlikely the court will allow this move - it’s not in your child’s best interests - which is what the whole focus is on throughout the process

Why are his kids trumping yours?

Why can’t his kids be uprooted, but yours can? If your child with an ex is 3, is it even an established relationship?

Weekends don’t work with a 5 hour journey. No wonder he is pushing back.

I work for Cafcass so see regular similar applications made to the court.

The courts work on the best interests of the child and take the view that this is to have a substantial relationship with both parents unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise (which almost certainly won’t be “mum’s new partner”).

Can your daughter stay with her dad, and you see her weekends/holidays? It would make more sense than taking her away from everything she knows.

The courts work on the best interests of the child and take the view that this is to have a substantial relationship with both parents unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise (which almost certainly won’t be “mum’s new partner”).

Im really glad that happens tbh. On situations like this, parents aren't putting their kids first. Only themselves. At least the courts will.

How new is this partner? Why are his kids being put before yours by you?

Taking your child 5 hours from their father is so selfish. Put your child before your desire for a new relationship. How well do you even know this new boyfriend if you live 5 hours apart? If it’s so important to be with him then like a pp has said why don’t you be the one who just sees your child in school holidays? If you can’t imagine doing that then why is it ok for your ex to have to do it?

Also you’d be condemning your poor child to a life of being carted 5 hours every few weeks… then 5 hours back again. That’s a very long journey. Are you going to do all the driving seeing as it’s you who wants to do this? Think it all through and imagine if your ex said he wanted to move away and take your child and you could just see them in the holidays.

Also I agree, he should move. The impact on his children, moving schools, wouldn’t be as significant as the impact on yours, effectively losing her relationship with her dad.

Of course, he might say his children have been through enough in losing their mother, which would be valid, but still no reason to put your daughter through a loss as well. In that situation both of you might need to make a tough decision in order to prioritise your children.

We moved 220 miles away from my step dad / my 2 brothers bio dad, my brothers never got over it. They're 27 and 32 now

Agreeing with all those saying your kid’s needs are below new partner’s kids’ needs.
new partner doesn’t want to mess up his kids’ stability and routine. But you are happy to do this to your child? it’s just really selfish. What about child lives with your ex as RP and you visit, have time in school hols etc