Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split

[NorthernMum86]

Hi,

I want to relocate myself and daughter after splitting up with my ex. Our daughter is 3 - in pre school in the local area.

We currently have a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean thats not practical anymore given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.

I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like School Holidays & weekends but he is pushing back against this.

What chances of this passing in court do i have?

thanks
NM

Really selfish behaviour for such a new relationship. Expecting everyone to work round you.
What happens if the new relationship doesn't work out? Do you uproot your child again?
It can't have been much of a relationship when he's 5 hours away and you have your daughter half the time.

I've been through a the courts for a C.A.O. which one of you declined mediation or could you both not agree before it getting to a court stage?

I don't think you can argue that someone relocates and moves house because it would be for your benefit. Moving costs a lot of money, there's a housing crisis and job wise your ex could have to move around.

Your DC is 3 and you need a stable plan before you know it she will be in school.

I say this as a single mum myself. I would not be uprooting and moving for a man after 12 months together. If he really likes you OP he will have to do long distance.

I moved my dc 150 miles, a 3 hour drive.

From an abusive relationship with a very uninvolved dad to be much closer to my parents, cheaper accommodation, better job opportunities and really large support network that I'd been alienated from during the last few years of my marriage.

Cases where your sort of plan do get approved mostly require you (ie the moving parent) to have a good few of the criteria that you yourself have mentioned - will you be moving closer to YOUR family, YOUR support network? Will there be better employment opportunities for YOU? Just 'because I want to move to where my short-term boyfriend lives' is not going to be a good enough reason to uproot your dc from THEIR other parent, THEIR family, THEIR friends, THEIR school so their mum can have a shag.

I would also anticipate that you be prepared to do ALL of these travelling. 60/40 is a significant time for your dc to be spending with their dad, and you want to reduce that to the odd weekend and some school holidays? I think that you're not thinking straight op.

Also you're insane to expect your ex to move down to wherever your new fella lives - would you be prepared to pay every penny of his relocation costs? Wow...

OK thats a bit much I would not go that far.

My experience - a long life.

OP, if you are for real, stop. Don't even consider moving hundreds of miles, uprooting your child and disturbing the routine she is used to, for a 'new partner'.

Why should your child have to live with a 'new partner' at all?
Why should her relationship with her own father be disrupted?

Your New Partner (how new?), a widower, knows enough to keep his children's lives stable. Why don't you follow his example?

New partners are available everywhere. Ditch the widower and find someone local, and keep them out of your child's life.

Put your child first.

eta: Cock is everywhere Just read this and I totally agree.

Is this a reverse? Are you the dad with an ex who wants to dodge around the country for a golden cock?

There's no point giving an opinion as you think all posters are liars, but I did want to point out how staggeringly selfish you are

Your partner can move to be near you

There's no other parent involved in his family so no need to worry about maintaining a relationship

In your situation your child has 2 involved parents and you should stay near her dad

If I was your child's father I would fight you tooth and nail

Surely this is a reverse

Me and my DP are in LDR.
I cant move because as much as I'd love a new life in a new city, DDs happiness and relationship with her dad matters more.

I dont think I'd forgive myself if I put DD through that...I dont understand why you're even thinking of this. You're actively taking her away from her dad. You have no idea how negatively she will view this when she's older.

Your new DP can move to you. And if he can't...well that's a stalemate then. And solely your problem. Not your DDs

Put your DD first.

why can’t your widowed partner move closer to you? He is free to move anywhere in a way that you are not.

im no fan of my exH but I’d never damage my kid’s relationship with their father.

Why would you do this? My ex was awful to me but it has always been clear in my head that I would never ever make the choice to try and move my children away from him.

Its honestly not just about whether the court /cafcass decide it's ok. You have to be able to look your child in the eye and justify moving them away from their parent.

And blended families are tough (I speak from experience)... What's your plan if it all goes tits up?

I think your chances are slim to none. And to be honest I hope this is refused. You need to think about your daughter. Why is it ok her to move away from her dad but your new partners children not to move. You need to think about you daughter. She deserves a relationship with her dad.

Why do you keep asking for specific experience. Very strange first post.

It’s unlikely. The family court will think of your child’s needs and that will include regular contact with her dad that she has been having already. It will be a sad change for her, as at 3 she will have an attachment to him and will probably be upsettled by his disappearance.

Its honestly not just about whether the court /cafcass decide it's ok. You have to be able to look your child in the eye and justify moving them away from their parent.

This is a very good point. How will you do this?

You want to rip your DD away from her dad and all she knows for the sake of a new relationship? Selfish OP, very selfish.

It’s easier for kids to swap schools than for them to swap/lose a dad surely?

Rightly or wrongly I'm always a bit suspicious of people asking for experiences rather than advice. Fortunately not many people will be in op's position because it would be so unreasonable.

Neither of them should be moving their children anywhere. The man's children lost their mother not that long ago. They need everything else to remain as stable and predictable as humanly possible, and for their father to prioritise their well-being over his need to get his end away (which is yet another reason for the OP not to embark on this insane scheme).

@NorthernMum86 I can understand why the judge supported the mother in the case you referenced. It is why the full facts (which we don't have) are highly relevant.

However from what you have written your case is not as strong I would also mention that courts are keener to maintain parental contact even since 2014.

If you go to court you will get an 'answer" but you may not like it.

If your boyfriend is encouraging you to go to court l would be very cautious. He loses nothing from the process (unless he is funding your legal costs) but the stakes are high for you.

You will damage your relationship with your ex by forcing court and that will impact your daughter.

He's not a widow! The word is widower.

Right? I really thought I’d seen all the selfish delusional wankers on here but then @NorthernMum86 came along and cranked it up a level 🤦🏻‍♀️

It doesn't sound like this move is in your daughter's best interests. Why are her needs taking a back seat here?

Legalities aside, you are putting your child in a really shitty situation. A regular 6 hour round journey, impacting on play dates, school friends birthday parties, as well as it being totally knackering for her. This is really unfair on her. Not her fault you have split up - it’s your (and her fathers) job to make it as easy as possible for her.