Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split

[NorthernMum86]

Hi,

I want to relocate myself and daughter after splitting up with my ex. Our daughter is 3 - in pre school in the local area.

We currently have a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean thats not practical anymore given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.

I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like School Holidays & weekends but he is pushing back against this.

What chances of this passing in court do i have?

thanks
NM

There is case law of these things happening tho, parents moving to be closer to relatives or new job or new partner, all of which are judged equally...

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed153303

can i ask why you moved from family law. I am ver sceptical of these forums, a lot of internet lawyers.

So you posted on Mumsnet but only want advice from people with professional experience and then questioned the person who said they were from Cafcas? Instruct a lawyer OP and perhaps move your post to the ethical dilemma page because you will be hard pressed to find sympathy anywhere else about a decision that, on the face of it, is motivated by your very new relationship rather than your child’s needs.

When I separated from ex DH I took legal advice on this - but I was moving to be with family to provide support I couldn't get where we lived - physical and emotional - not like I was moving to be with a new man

Solicitor told me they had just recently had a case they lost where the father prevented the mother moving 100 miles to be with family - not even a new partner - family! And the court had refused the move.

So it can and does happen

I'm my case their dad has never had them overnight so hadn't built up that consistency of care - also neither of us had ties to the area as we both moved there for jobs which could easily be relocated. their dad understood and agreed to the move in any event without need for a court order as he said he could easily move nearer to us if needs be

Well you can't do it can you.
You will have to have a permanent long distance relationship with your new partner if you want to stay with them. I've survived being totally alone for 13yrs so it is possible.

Yes, you're right. Everyone should relocate so that you can get what you want.

YABVU especially for a one year relationship which is 5 hours away, and the dad has children who have lost their mother you need to put your grown up pants on now and do what is best for all the children involved which is you not to move.

However, could you not move somewhere an hour from DD’s dad and new partner move an hour from where he lives ( doubt he will he sounds like he is putting his children first) then you will be 3 hours away and will see more of each other during the 60/40 split

My mother of my stepkids moved them 2 hours away with no consultation and DH got them moved back. She had a choice: move back or give up being the residential parent.

OK, so you are already at the court stage.

isnt within the realms he also moves down south?

A judge will never force one adult to move because someone else wants to make their life easier. I hope you don't suggest this in courts as it will make you sound highly unreasonable.

I'm sure you're aware a judge can make a decision that is binding on you. That includes a change of residency. I previously worked in family Court and as mentioned Judges can make unexpected decisions and we don't have all the facts but your Ex's case could be very strong.
If he proposes he becomes the primary parent how would you respond?

"But given the fact my ex has no new partner, and on occasions he works close to the location we want to relocate too, it isnt within the realms he also moves down south?"

Really? And if you have a kid with the new bloke and then meet someone in Glasgow will the whole posse of single ex's and kids trail up there after you?

Don't be selfish and put your child first ffs

I would be slightly wary moving so far with a partner I’d only been with a year. I also think it would be very difficult to take her away from her dad through the courts or emotionally. How much real time have you spent with your new partner? Would you be blending the family and moving in together?

How much are you seeing him if he lives so far away and you have kids?

For gods sake, don’t be an arsehole. If your DC has a good relationship with their dad you should be prioritising that over some new bloke. Probably the most selfish thing I’ve read in a while here.

You think your ex should move his entire life so you can get bucked on the regular? Fucking hell. Poor kid. Sign them over to dad full time.

I’m going to guess op would never even consider that but expects her ex to do it.

If it were your ex trying to restart 300miles away with new gf and family what would you be thinking?

It can be done! My step children’s mother successfully moved 110 miles away with my husband’s children. She moved secretly during her time, without leaving a forwarding address. Essentially kidnap. It took two months to locate her, by which time she had enrolled the children into a local school under aliases. In court, she said the children were settled now and had already been through too much. Cafcass agreed. My husband was awarded EOW and half of the holidays. (He used to have 50/50.) He has to do all of the driving because his ex wife has been subsequently diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. She was made to change the children’s names back at school and there is now an incredibly detailed CO in place, which to her credit she has only broken a handful of times.

The children have moved three times more since, always a similar distance away from us. They are 9 and 11 and currently seeing a counsellor through their school.

It’s possible, but you have to be willing to smash up your kid’s lives and lie to everyone around you.

Oh don’t give her any ideas 🙈

But given the fact my ex has no new partner, and on occasions he works close to the location we want to relocate too, it isnt within the realms he also moves down south

You do realise you have just made yourself sound worse?

Don't state any of this in Court otherwise it would make sense for the judge to make your ex the primary parent. Leaving him the occasions he works down South to find childcare for your child.

@PeeAche2 and @Lbnc2021 the OP's case is already in Court.

So she would be stupid to try it.

15 years ago my cousin’s ex got agreement to do this.

When my cousin’s son was 13 he was having a pretty miserable time at school and not getting on with his stepdad (normal teenage issues - nothing terrible that his step dad had done) and so he moved back to live with his dad.

I do actually feel very sorry for my cousin’s ex. (She and I always got on before the divorce.) She was a really good mum who made one selfish decision and ended up pretty much losing her son over it.

My cousin’s son is a young adult now. He seems to be ok - job, girlfriend, living with 3 mates in a squalid share house and eating no vegetables. 😂 But I do think that his life would have been happier if he had been able to see his dad regularly from the age of 5 - 13 and his mum regularly from the age of 13 to adulthood.

One case (the one to which you provided the link) does not refer to your case. Each case is treated on its own merits. The case I experienced most recently was a mother wanting to take her children a similar distance away from their father, as her family were there. Her children's father rightly challenged it. She was turned down. However, the other variables were different from the ones in the one case you have found to back up your plan. It's also true that judges can have very pronounced views about schooling, and if there's any hint of private/state, it can go either way (which seems to have been a contributory factor in the case you mention).

If I were a betting person, I would bet any money you like that you would not be allowed to do this. If you were moving to have family support and your child's life were chaotic at the moment, then perhaps you would be - but if your child's life is currently stable and you're proposing to move her in with a man you barely know, and his children, then you're on a hiding to nothing.

You are prioritising your boyfriend and yourself over your child. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Is there really no one nearby to shag?

This will hurt OP but the reality is this relationship cannot work. You need to end it. Fathers are important and your ex deserves to be a part of her life.
I promise you that it will damage your daughter, not necessarily obvious straight away but by the time she is a teenager.
You need to do the right thing as much as you don't want to

But given the fact my ex has no new partner, and on occasions he works close to the location we want to relocate too, it isnt within the realms he also moves down south?

Wow, that's a new level of CF, even for Mumsnet.