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Emergency prohibited steps order - changing schools

78 replies

confused45678 · 01/11/2021 09:47

Morning folks. My ex and I split 4.5 years ago. In Feb this year a child arrangement order was granted whereby our child (nearly 10 years old) lives with me and sees their dad every other weekend.
I offered more time, overnights in the week, our for tea in the week. He declined, and said this to CAFCASS for their section 7.

Since then our child gets upset every other weekend when coming home because they know they won't see their dad for another 2 weeks. I've tried and tried and tried to have him come down regularly in the week but he tries once and doesn't do it again. He's never done parents evenings, sports days, being off when they're poorly, dentist, doctors etc.

He's said to our child that if they want to see him more then they'll have to come and live with him, that's the only way he can see them more.

The last few months have become completely untenable, child wants to go live with dad because she knows its the only way they can go and see him more often than 4 days a month. They've been so angry, lashing out, crying, shouting that dad doesn't care about them etc. It's gotten so bad that last week I said if she wants to try living with her dad then fine, I can't think of any other way to help and it breaks my heart seeing the anger and the tears all the time. I love my child more than anyone in the world.

We recently bought a house in August and my child started at the local school, in year 5. They've had a great first parents evening, settled well. When they went to stop with her dad he'd told her them they have to move schools, my child said to me they don't want to as they like the current school. They have to go to breakfast club or afterschool club because there are family in the village to pick them up every day. They would be in wrap around care if they moved schools. I believe they've probably now been convinced to move schools as dad's neighbours child goes to one near her dad's house and they're friends, even though they won't be in the same year.

I appreciate this was very long. Sorry. My question is she's just got settled at a new school, would I be eligible for an emergency prohibited steps order? He has already applied with the LA to move her to one local to him (we live 10 miles apart). I'm nervous that if I apply for a regular prohibited steps, the move will go ahead and the court won't want to change her schools back. 2 school moves in 8 weeks seems awful on our child, even if she doesn't yet realise the implications!

OP posts:
confused45678 · 09/11/2021 11:33

@Xenia

skep, I am just a random female lawyer (don't do divorce law) and my ex husband was violent occasionally (not in a putting me in hospital kind of way but certainly in a breach of criminal law way). I never reported it to anyone (so I will be in no statistics, like most women). I am one of vast numbers of women sadly. The men who never touch their wives like that can find it hard to understand how common it is.

confused, is there a way you can force your daughter into her existing school or bribe her to go or something? She is 9 and seems to think she can decide things and control them. The judge probably still wants a hearing to see how things are going (which is not a bad idea). With my own 9 year old daughters I would have just made them go to school - picked them up, dumped them in the car, forced them there but their father and i never disagreed on schools so it is a different situation.

That's basically what I'm having to do now. Carry her down the stairs, out the house, into the car. We usually walk but she plants herself and refuses to move, so the car is the only way. It's just so distressing seeing her kick and lash out.
OP posts:
Fireflygal · 09/11/2021 11:42

In Feb this year a child arrangement order was granted whereby our child (nearly 10 years old) lives with me and sees their dad every other weekend

How was orginal contact decided? Was Cafcass involved?

It's really difficult to guess what could happen as it's so dependant on what case your Ex puts forward.

I think counselling will be encouraged for her so it won't help your ex's case if he is stopping it.

It could be argued that the school move you instigated has caused this upset and it just needs time to settle down. I think a judge is unlikely to order an immediate move of residency but might want cafcass to determine what has caused your daughters upset since the start of the year.

confused45678 · 09/11/2021 11:52

@Fireflygal

In Feb this year a child arrangement order was granted whereby our child (nearly 10 years old) lives with me and sees their dad every other weekend

How was orginal contact decided? Was Cafcass involved?

It's really difficult to guess what could happen as it's so dependant on what case your Ex puts forward.

I think counselling will be encouraged for her so it won't help your ex's case if he is stopping it.

It could be argued that the school move you instigated has caused this upset and it just needs time to settle down. I think a judge is unlikely to order an immediate move of residency but might want cafcass to determine what has caused your daughters upset since the start of the year.

Yeah Cafcass were involved at the time.

The more immediate trigger for upset was last month after having covid. (although I'd been battling for a long time to get him to see her more often, as she misses him with a 2 week break between visits) Because of covid she missed a usual weekend contact, meaning it was going to be a month between seeing him (when the next weekend contact was due). When she came out of isolation and was testing negative she asked if he would come and see her (3 weeks since last seeing him at that point) and he said no. This caused a lot of anger, a lot of lashing out, a lot of upset/confusion. So for that entire week I had to deal with her saying she thought her dad didn't care about her, if she lived with him she'd see him more etc. He's previously told her in terms of contact its "all or nothing" so he won't see her more often unless she lives with him. I'm just so lost.

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