DH and I are attempting to update our wills but this is our stumbling block. We are 45 and 50 with a nearly 10 yo and 7 yo. I have had two friends get terminal illnesses and have to confront the possibility this could happen to one or both of us or that we could die in an accident.
I am truly torn about who I should nominate as legal guardians for the DCs. They have a range of people who love them but no close relatives in under a 20 hour flight and no obvious legal guardians that could help keep life as close to normal as possible.
We come from abroad but have lived here for 20 years. Relatives are all Down Under. Our youngest has barely any memory of our home country and I have no family left there now. The eldest some what idolises the home country but absolutely loves and lives for his school. I would love to keep him at his school as I feel tearing him away from it would compound his grieving.
These are the options in no particular order. All have expressed willingness to have them but that’s not really been tested.
- Our neighbour who has been like an aunt to them and has been v hands on. She has grown up kids who pay them some attention. Problem is, she has a long term illness (MS) and is in her early 60s. She also disapproves of our choice of schools for them (one is at a private school, the other will soon go too). The positive is that they could stay in our house or at least on the same street and continue with their education and to see their friends.
- DSis who lives an hour’s drive away, early adult DC. She would have been the obvious choice two years ago but has become estranged after a family death and her subsequent awful, toxic treatment of others including financial abuse. I loved her but she has become unrecognisable and eaten up by bitterness. While she has loved our DC, I fear she is unstable and could become a malign influence on them.
- Another DSis, 50, no children and not cut out for them, lives Down Under in a small flat and would not compromise on her lifestyle. Loves DC but no temperament for them. Only bonus is DM would be nearby so could enjoy her GC for last years of her life (if it happened soon).
- DSis in law and brother in law. 50s, very fit, no kids by choice, live Down Under. Wonderful people but DSis is quite stern. Con would be the massive culture shock for two kids coming from London as they live in a v provincial town at the other end of the world. Could at least get to know other cousins in other region, four hours away. (Sadly that uncle is not an option as he has just entered a new blended family and already has a complicated set up and is stretched to capacity).
- Godmother. Friend who is 50, no D.C. Busy career and social life but good with kids inc her nieces and nephews and always pays attention to ours. Lives about an hour away but at least in same city.
The older they get, the harder it would be to uproot them to the other side of the world but that is where their blood relatives are.
Would social services simply decide who gets them? Or put them in the care system god forbid?
How do you decide how much cash to give the person who gets them? Obviously we would leave more than enough to cover all schooling but who gets the house/property and assets? The D.C. or the person taking them on or is it split? How do you work out fair proportions?
Wonder if anyone has had relatives in this position and how much upheaval there was for D.C. if they had to move continents.
Yes we need to speak to solicitors and again to possible guardians but DH is dismissing all of this hence I’m seeking other perspectives.
Ideally we would have relatives who would move into our house or nearby and keep them at the same schools with the same friends and activities but we don’t have that.