Never ending saga with Ex pestering me

[TheNewKaren]

A few years ago my ex partner was evicted from the family home by the court due to his abusive behaviour towards us. Subsequently he sold the family home and I am now living in a rental property with the children. The family home belonged to him, but a settlement agreement was put in place that entitled me to lump sums that he has mostly paid, with the exception of any child maintenance and rent contributions. The has never paid any of these, even though he included these payments into the contract that he drafted himself and also countersigned.

He is a company director and his earnings are not visible to the CMS, as he is taking dividends.

I can manage without his contributions and I earn a decent salary. But he is now increasingly asking for all these previously paid lump sums back, in fact he is now frequently threatening me with court proceedings to force me to repay these funds. Even though I don’t think he will be successful, his behaviour is still scary and I am getting quite worried. I don’t have the money nor the time to deal with court proceedings, but I have a feeling that he is determined to ‘get his own back’.

He is motivated by revenge and he has nothing much else to do.

I am fed up with his threats and demands for money. What can I do that this will stop?

There is an interesting thread on here about changing your name by deed poll.
Are you in a position to change your job at all?

Yes you do need to call the police every time. And you do need to get orders against him, so that you have a clear line of evidence of him breaching these. It sounds like you already have lots of evidence, you need to compile this. Evidence of HARASSMENT and VIOLENCE, keep the money out of that because that is an irrelevant civil matter

Your daughter should have access to counselling and safeguarding advice through her school.

His legal threats are meaningless. MEANINGLESS. I know it’s easy to say and harder to believe, but he is not going to win a legal battle. That is why he is escalating it. You need to get a locking box and out all his correspondence in there, unopened, but write the arrival date on the outside.

You need to speak to: domestic abuse hotline, police, school safeguarding, social services. Discussing the threats, harassment and breaking in. NOT the money demands—these cloud the water and make it look like a back and forth.

You need to find out what is going on with the house. 99% he’s lying about buying it, or hoping to drive you out and then not go through with the sale. If he HAS successfully purchased it, then you need to speak to your council housing department and the domestic abuse hotline

@TheNewKaren

I told the police on many occasions exactly this. That he is demanding money. That he said he will only ever leave us alone if I give him money. That he is constantly threatening me with demands for money and I don’t owe him anything.

The police are unanimous in their response. It’s a civil matter. It’s not a criminal offence. I sent them an email. They responded in writing. They can’t help me.

Why cant they do him for blackmail?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/#:~:text=Harassment%20is%20when%20someone%20behaves,calls%2C%20letters%2C%20emails%20or%20visits

The police could easily do him for harrassment based on what you are saying. You need to keep a log of each and every incident, and if you don't get any joy, then go higher up.

Also have you tried a police complaint into their handling of his?

Blackmail is not the way to go—the issue here is harassment, stalking, threats, domestic abuse. The money stuff if muddying the waters, and like the police say is a civil matter. If money is what you lead with, you won’t get a good response.

Think about it—if he was just demanding money, you’d just say fine sue me for it. It would be a purely civil matter. THIS is not the issue.

There is harassment, stalking, threats and domestic abuse, but there is also blackmail involved here. This isnt a civil dispute, it is an attempt to extort money through threats.

More on blackmail law here - his behaviour certainly seems to fall under it.

www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/blackmail/

Prepare an evidence pack for your local MP, copy in your councillors and local police. Say this is a real risk of him potentially killing you/the kids. Say you are getting brushed off, but here is the evidence of his assaults, threats and violations of orders against him. Say your children are terrified, you need him to be kept away from them.

Do you have any friends or family that live far away? How old are your children?

You sound as if you think it’s hopeless talking to the police, is it because you have spoken to different officers?
Could you gather all your evidence including police responses and insist on seeing the chief inspector and lay it in the line Tell them you want a plan
You need them to protect you as it is their job, do they want another family annihilation on his/her hands (Sorry to be so dramatic) but insist on not leaving until you have a plan in place of what they are going to do
Take your dcs with you they can wait in another office
Make a fuss even though you don’t feel like it

I really feel for you & your children.

I did say to him ‘sue me for it’ and even the DCs say ‘just go to court then and sue our mum for it’ but he is not doing this. The DC think he knows he does not have a chance, or he would have done this already. He keeps telling everyone that ‘this will go back to court’. He is enjoying it too much to have us live in fear of him

Just googled our local MP. A conservative rural guy, been in office since the mid 80s, probably in the same golf club as exP.

We are not talking about an ordinary thug. We are talking about a respected member of the community with influence.

I am a foreign single mum, no matter what. Not that it should matter, but I have always supported myself and the children.

You should absolutely report this to the police. You should also contact domestic violence charity they can support you emotionally practically and financially to get civil injunctions. He's abusing you and your children and it is not ok. Best of luck.

They would not care much about another family annihilation tbh . Not round here and not about us.

@TheNewKaren

Just googled our local MP. A conservative rural guy, been in office since the mid 80s, probably in the same golf club as exP.

OP I work in the area—it’s not the MP himself who helps, it’s his office of caseworkers. They deal with this on a daily basis and can help whip the local police into action.

@TheNewKaren

They would not care much about another family annihilation tbh . Not round here and not about us.

... I don’t think there is anywhere in theUK that this is true of. I’m worried that you’ve decided to give up. The reason he has escalated his behaviour is because you WON round 1. You won the legal battles. He is going outside the law now because of that. You’re WINNING and that is why he is panicking.

I disagree. With all the anti EU propaganda, we have no protection anymore as EU citizens. People in the village ask why we are still here. We are quiet, I have a good job, we are tidy and clean, the children go to good schools and universities. I have black friends in the area, one was even married to a local influential man. He left her and 5 children without paying a penny ever. She is in a council house, he is living a life of luxury. Even one of the family judges ridiculed me at the time, it was so humiliating. Why was I bothering an English gentleman and not just simply taking the children and go and live in public housing. The fact that these were his children, he did t care. He could not rule against us, but he ruled in our favour reluctantly.

Compile your evidence, as to speak to the person in charge at the police station.
Tell them you want to make a complaint against the police. Show them your not married to this man.
Also get them to log your frightened and demand they do something.

Speak to citizens advice. Can you get a grant for legal help? Sound like his solicitor is actually harassing you sending several letters per day