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Original poster

Never ending saga with Ex pestering me

192 replies

TheNewKaren · 01/01/2021 17:09

A few years ago my ex partner was evicted from the family home by the court due to his abusive behaviour towards us. Subsequently he sold the family home and I am now living in a rental property with the children. The family home belonged to him, but a settlement agreement was put in place that entitled me to lump sums that he has mostly paid, with the exception of any child maintenance and rent contributions. The has never paid any of these, even though he included these payments into the contract that he drafted himself and also countersigned.

He is a company director and his earnings are not visible to the CMS, as he is taking dividends.

I can manage without his contributions and I earn a decent salary. But he is now increasingly asking for all these previously paid lump sums back, in fact he is now frequently threatening me with court proceedings to force me to repay these funds. Even though I don’t think he will be successful, his behaviour is still scary and I am getting quite worried. I don’t have the money nor the time to deal with court proceedings, but I have a feeling that he is determined to ‘get his own back’.

He is motivated by revenge and he has nothing much else to do.

I am fed up with his threats and demands for money. What can I do that this will stop?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 17/02/2021 23:53

Plus buying a house with tenants is really hard and to get an eviction equally difficult he is talking rubbish

oil0W0lio · 17/02/2021 23:54

Diamond, it's lucky you're on this thread you've clearly walked more than a mile in the OP's shoes, i hope your experiences will shine some light on a possible way forward and lend some solace to the OP🙏

oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 00:00

The breaking in and attacking sounds like an expression of rage at not being able to use the law against you...so righteous is he in his anger that he feels you must have done something illegal
In his head he is such an important person that failure to defer to him ought to be illegal

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea · 18/02/2021 00:01

@oil0W0lio

The breaking in and attacking sounds like an expression of rage at not being able to use the law against you...so righteous is he in his anger that he feels you must have done something illegal In his head he is such an important person that failure to defer to him ought to be illegal
This. Are the police involved?
combatbarbie · 18/02/2021 00:03

Please ensure you proceed with the charges! What an absolute lunatic, I would def go to court for a non molestation order. The children are able to arrange their own contact and meet him away from the house.

Has your landlord confirmed this bizarre new update?

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 18/02/2021 00:14

@TheNewKaren

I have an update. He’s been arrested for charging into our house and attacking us. Now released but he has a new trick up his sleeve: he’s buying our rented home and planning to evict the children and I.
Wtf????? Oh my god he is crazy, pls pls get a non mol order and move away for good. Absolute crazy
oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 00:15

It seems that every time he gets laughed out of court the humiliation and feeling of powerlessness sends him into a rage and he starts acting out again, finding other ways to punish you
What needs to happen to get him out of this cycle?
(Other than largactil in his tea)

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 18/02/2021 06:44

Already looking for a new place, but there is no choice at all. We should be within driving distance to the school, at least and with the best will in the world the closest house I can find is a 30 min drive away. That makes 2 hours every day in driving time for me which is too much, even while I’m wfh.

Absolute nightmare. We have another year and half in 6th form. The school is a very rural school.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 18/02/2021 06:47

Also, when I phoned one property and said (spelled) my European name, they told me it’s off the market, even though it’s still on the website to let with no update. That’s Brexit for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 18/02/2021 06:55

He can afford to buy it even though CMS assessed him with an income of £250 per week and around £20 in CM for 2021. Not sure how he’s engineering this assessment.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNewKaren · 18/02/2021 06:56

That’s per week.

OP posts:
Blacktothepink · 18/02/2021 07:00

Jesus! What a cunt Angry

VanCleefArpels · 18/02/2021 07:13

@TheNewKaren why are you looking to move? Is he actually buying it? Even if he is as I said it will take a year or so to legally evict you which gives you plenty of time to sort out school etc. Don’t give him the satisfaction of a hasty move

Quartz2208 · 18/02/2021 08:49

How do you know he is buying it? Have you been given notice from your landlord (which is 6 months it may have just increased)
There was a whole thread about this recently mortgage lenders will only do a buy to let if you are in the house and the interest on that is huge. It would be a difficult sell in normal circumstances lenders are incredibly wary

I think this is another tactic to get inside your head. The time and money it would take to evict you in COVID times is huge. He is trying to get to you because he knows he has cut off all other ways.

VettiyaIruken · 18/02/2021 09:54

Do you know he is buying it or is it just he's told you he is? Have you spoken to letting agent/landlord?

oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 11:34

He's just trying to shit you up OP

ShadesOfMagenta · 18/02/2021 11:42

Can you tell you current Landlord what is going on & ask them to choose another buyer?

Most reasonable Landlords would want to have no part in facilitating this abuse.

Original poster
TheNewKaren · 18/02/2021 17:42

The house isn’t actually for sale. He’s contacted the landlord and asked to buy it.

OP posts:
oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 17:51

@TheNewKaren

The house isn’t actually for sale. He’s contacted the landlord and asked to buy it.
if he does I would just quietly move out and disappear, dont tip him off or engage, can you trust the current LL to keep you in the picture?
Quartz2208 · 18/02/2021 18:04

speak to your Landlord then and explain the situation and go to the police regarding non mol etc
and stop letting him in

VanCleefArpels · 18/02/2021 18:06

Honestly OP nothing will happen during the year you need to stay near the school (if at all).

IF the landlord decides to sell the property this will take around 3 months or more to complete

This is a big IF. It depends on the current ie er wanting to sell. And unless your ex has cash how is he going to fund it (lending on a property with tenants in situ v hard). Incidentally if he is paying in cash let the CMS know.

IF then after all that new owner wants to evict you that will take at least 9 months or more if Covid notice periods are extended.

I call serious bullshit. He’s trying to get into your head, and looks like he’s succeeding. As others have said get a non molestation order and try your best to absolutely ignore anything and everything he says and does

oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 18:08

it might be quite amusing if he actually bought it but you'd moved on w/o him realising 🤣
but that would just enrage him further and de-escalation is what's needed I feel!

bigdecisionstomake · 18/02/2021 18:08

OP - this is truly terrifying. Can you speak to your landlord and find out if they are likely to sell to him? If they do then he will have keys to your house and although the law says he can't use them without reasonable notice, given his previous behaviour I suspect this is unlikely to stop him.

I would speak to your landlord in confidence and explain the seriousness of the situation and try to establish whether they are actually considering selling to him.

WeeMadArthur · 18/02/2021 18:36

@OP you need to speak to the landlord ASAP. Houses don’t necessarily take three months to sell. DH sold his old house last year and it took 5 weeks from offer to completion. I don’t want to panic you but you don’t have time to waste. I would also explain this situation to the police, surely if you have a non molestation order it would prevent him buying the house you live in?

Honeyroar · 18/02/2021 18:46

Did you ever speak to Women’s aid or anything? You really need someone to help you fight these battles.

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