Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

You just don't get it OP.

Your older child is currently having ongoing contact with her grandparent, and you have no proof of anything occurring at these visits that is untoward, outside of your dislike of the woman.

Now you have a second child, who is almost certain to be the full sibling of the first. You are withholding contact on that child. But the court will see that the older child is having unsupervised contact without concern, and will order that the second child should also have the same opportunity to connect with their family. In court, you will be asked if he is the father, and whilst you can say you don't know, you cannot say that he is not without breaking the law, and therefore, in order to ensure that the child is given the same opportunities as her sibling for contact. If you are unwilling to concede that he is the father, it is likely they will require proof, because not having that proof means that the second child may be treated unequally to the first.

I don't think child law would agree.

OP people with far more experience of the legal system than you have told you time and time again, that the above is simply not true. If this gets to court you will be forced to undergo a DNA test if you deny she is the grandmother, and she will be awarded contact.

What you want, or what is in your best interests will never be taken into account. The best interests of the children is all that matters, and full siblings where one has acknowledged parentage and contact with the paternal family, while the other is denied that, will not be seen as acting in the best interests of both children. It's entirely possible this different treatment will in fact be seen as causing emotional harm.

And stop with the 'I'd rather go to prison' bullshit - who do you think would look after the children if that happened? And don't try and flee to Spain. The children would be brought back very quickly and the consequences to you could devastating.

The way it stands at the moment is she hasn't seen my Daughter because nothing is set in stone and the way things have erupted it would be more damaging to involve another child i feel. There have been things she has said to my Daughter that she has repeated and I've addressed the grandmother over this and asked her to stop. My relationship broke down due to her and her constant hatred for me being with her son. There's much more to this.

My elder daughter has supervised contact with her dad at the house. She has never been there without him and i wouldn't of agreed to that anyway. Trust takes time.

At the risk of repeating a thousand other posts - OP the bare facts are:

The eldest daughter goes to her grandmothers once a month. You have not disputed this contact arrangement.

The court will ask why the younger daughter should not have the same rights to a facilitated relationship with her grandmother.

In January i suggested maybe going to a play centre on her monthly visit but she refused. She wants unsupervised contact with my new baby away from me. There's just no way that could happen especially now the police have issued a PIN. It's all or nothing and she has no rights to be demanding that.

I facilitated the contact she has with my elder Daughter because i thought it was in her best interests to continue seen as she had contact at the start. Since then things have broke down and the hatred between us is not healthy and like i say it's the fight and trouble she likes so maybe it's time i stood my ground and did what i think is right again. I have now seen and heard that she isn't someone i want either of my kids around if I'm honest

Good luck in court OP. You'll need it.

Both your daughters best interests come first, not yours OP. The woman is wanting a relationship with her GC, your issues with her should be separate and not used against her because of it. At least she is bothered about your kids, pity the same cannot be said about their father.

I don't think you realise how damaging this is going to be for your baby. Identity is a big part of growing up, you need to find out for her mental health and development who the Father is.

This isn't your big secret to withhold. Are you seriously planning on saying to this child, I just don't know? Or there's these options, I could have found out when you were a baby but decided I didn't want to.

This is from knowing a person who is an adult, who doesn't know who their father is. The Mother simply refuses to divulge.

Not really sure how the legal system works. I'm fairly sure you could find out, then take measures to initiate or deny access. Unless around the time of ovulation you had a different man every night, you must have a vague idea.

In 5/10/15 years you might not be able to find all parties, that will cause further trauma. Life isn't as black and white as, it's my choice, I'll do as I please.

I hope you take this in as the person I know has been to hell and back trying to find out. You wouldn't believe how much identity means to an individual, until they are stripped of it.

So your Ex's family are all these awful things yet you still did not mind shagging him when you were not together and now trying to come up with excuses as to why your youngest should not see her GM?

Cut the BS @user1499775533 Some pp on here see cases likes yours day in day out and know when your trying to pull the wool over peoples eyes.

I hope this goes back to Court and i hope the GM gets to have a relationship with BOTH GC, that is what is in the best interest of the children. And i hope you realise you need permission to take your DD abroad from everyone who has PR, so Dual Citizenship or not, the Gm would need to give you permission first .

GM does not have PR

A GP finest need PR to invoke GPR.

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds the GM does have PR for the oldest daughter, read the thread.

The GM does not have PR for my elder Daughter.

@Xmas. You read the thread. A contact order is not the same as PR.

I would be very surprised if a court stopped the OP from moving to Spain just because granny sees the child once a month for 2 hours, when it's clear the father has no interest in seeing or paying for his dc and wouldn't block it. If the OP has a better support system etc in Spain maybe that would be more of a priority to the court.
Personally I would see a solicitor about getting the current order amended.

I have been advised to do this. Since there's a PIN in place something else needs putting in place because this woman has harrassed, abused and over stepped too many boundaries. I understand family courts always focus on the rights of the children but what about my human right to live a family life and raise my kids in peace! This hasn't been happening. And my ex would not stop me from moving to Spain, he has always said i have to do what i need to do. And in regards to my baby i hold PR so no one could detest that. It's just a mess all because she can't accept her son had a girlfriend and cut the apron strings and this is really what it stems from, my child got used as an obstacle along the way for her pleasure.

I understand family courts always focus on the rights of the children but what about my human right to live a family life and raise my kids in peace!

Because it's not about YOU! It's got to be about the children and what's best for them! Why do you want your own needs prioritised over your children?

Either she's so poisonous she should have no contact (and having another child was a crazy decision), or she's not and both children should know their paternal family.
This this this.

Either they are so awful in which case NEITHER child should be seeing them, or they're ok enough as grandparents (even with bad feeling between parents) in which case BOTH children should have access to their paternal family.

The courts will always look at the best interests of the children & would take a dim view of a parent withholding paternity information etc to score points.

It comes back to the same questions OP:

• Will you tell both children they are full siblings? Or will you lie indefinitely? Or Are you hoping you can kick it into the long grass and do a big reveal when they are adults? What will your children think about such a significant lie?
• (If they are an abusive and harmful environment) Older DD asking why were you happy to say my dad is a good dad whilst saying he's too riddled with drugs to be involved with my sister? Why did you choose to protect my sister from all this harm and drama but continued to send me into It?
• (If it's a horrible dispute and adults dont get on but there's no big issues) Younger DD asking why older sister got to know her dad and not me? Why did you prevent me having a relationship with my dad? Why did you allow my dad to come round and see me but not tell me he was my dad? Why did you lie to me? Why did you let my sister see her extended family but denied me the same experience?

Treating two children so differently makes no sense at all. It can't be justified, unless you put the OP's feelings about wanting to have the right to her children and her peace and her dislike of the paternal family before the children.

My children come first, always above and beyond my own needs. I just feel that the mothers health should be paramount in regards to her children. And surely exposing children to narcissists is more harmful than not seeing 1 gran for 2 hours out of 3 other sets of grandparents.

I think what people are (correctly) saying is if these people are so awful and such narcissists then surely NO child should be seeing them at all.

It's the sheer inconsistency that's confusing people.

And what if the court decide you are wrong?

If i had spare money i would of taken the arrangements with my Daughter back to court for vary a long time ago but i gathered she'd start again sooner or later so I'll get my opportunity to amend or ask to suspend the current contact with my Daughter.

Wrong about what?

The GM. What if they decide that you are wrong and decide that the children should see their grandmother?