Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

Honestly, instead of judging negatively me just think about how I'm feeling mentally and emotionally- maybe I'm desperate to be free of this woman

That's the thing - everything you're posting is about YOU and how you are feeling. Not once have you discussed your children's thoughts and feelings and the likely impact of all of this.

She sounds hard work, but don't let her bring you down to her level. Someone has to think of the children first here, and from what you've posted here, that's not really happening right now.

My only thoughts are my children and I'm not starting anything with my second child that could be used to control and manipulate another child. She also claims at some point she's taking me back to court for a full weekend with my elder Daughter. Her demands will become more and more. Principle of the matter is they're my children and as any parent does you make decisions in their best interests. If you don't get on with that person to this extent then isn't that more harmful to expose kids to that.

And this has never been about children because she wasn't refused contact with my elder Daughter, it's about control and the fight and her needs. No decent person would drag a child through the court system like this if they cared about the child involved. She does this to hurt and upset me even more and uses my kids along the way. Well I'm saying no this time and sticking to that.

No decent person would drag a child through the court system like this if they cared about the child involved.

Well, that rather depends on what the end result is. If she ends up with no contact she's been doing the dragging. If she ends up with contact then it's you that's been responsible.

I can honestly say the first time you drag a person and their child through the court process for no reason other than you want to be controlling over where contact will happen then there is definitely bad feeling there, grandparents should see their grandchildren where the parents say, they have no rights to be laying down their own laws and this has been the problem. Relationships take time and the first time you drag a child through this marks the end of any future relationship. It shows me more and more that she'll continue to do this with my kids. For a year i have been the only care giver to my child and I'm meeting all of her needs. I will not hand my baby over to a stranger and she is a stranger to me too. Trust takes time but she didn't want that, she wanted full control as soon as my elder Daughter was born but time i fought back because they are my children.

If you beloved all of that then why didn't you fight for your child not to have the visitation?

I had no clue on my rights with my first Daughter. I thought i had to agree or it would be a constant battle and maybe some part of me wanted a quiet life. Who wants to be in a court room etc. It's intimidating and frightening but she knew this and knew I'd back down.

Why would she want contact in the home of someone who obviously hates her? Of course she wants contact away from you.

Like i said after we went to court she posted a letter telling me i need to hand my daughter over for bonfire night, my daughter left her favourite teddy there so i emailed to ask if she could drop off or i could get my sister to collect as i was at work, she rang my ex and said I'd threatened her with my sister 🙈i had to show him the email so he'd believe me. It's swings and roundabouts and i don't believe it will ever be resolved. She just does not like me. She's told me that. She said i must be jealous of her, the games she's played psychologically have taken its toll. And not once did she email me during my pregnancy asking if i was okay or her apparent grandchild so what right does she have to try and swoop now.

Like i said in a previous thread. She had issues with her other sons girlfriend too and her baby. I am not the first one.

And yet again. You decided to bring another baby into the equation. That is the crux of the matter.

And actually i will say after all she's put me and my child through i do not like her now and would never have her in my house again. Who would? She destroyed my relationship with her son and has left me double doubting myself constantly

My baby is my responsibility. I wanted to keep her and i have sacrificed a lot to have her, i made that choice knowing I'd be doing it alone. I pay for my child and look after her so it really is no one elses problem. Her son could have other kids out there, who knows. But at this point i want to be left alone to raise my kids in peace.

But because you decided to have another full blooded sibling with her son you've created a shit storm. As she now has grounds to argue that the siblings need to be treated the same and have a right to know their paternal family.

LBC have a free legal advice phone in 9-10 pm Wednesday. I would phone in before it starts with a question to be sure of getting a slot. You are in a difficult situation, looking after two young children on your own. Your children are lucky to have such a lovely mum.

Well it's for her son to dispute that really! And if he isn't bothered then what does that tell you. I now also have the grounds to say, you had the contact you wanted, it doesn't work because relations have broke completely down and i don't want my children picking up on the bad feeling and being around a woman that will be putting things into their heads. I am the mother after all. My elder Daughter has my exes dad and his girlfriend, the grandmother in question and her husband, my parents and my nan. Imagine if they all put orders in...what would happen?

Thank you. I will give them a call. At this point i will fight because i am not handing my baby over to a stranger that hates me so much. I'm fighting for her right to not have to be involved in this and put in an awkward position. I just couldn't do it and they would have to put me in prison first.

My baby is my responsibility.

So is your contraception.

OP - no matter how much you try to obfuscate, the basic situation is that the grandmother has regular contact with one DGC and intends to apply to the courts for the other, who is a cohabiting full sibling to the elder. This is entirely reasonable

We get that you don't like it, but it's not just about you. There is a current arrangement which works, which means you don't even have to see the person you detest, and which the second DGC can easily be added.

It does sound as if she is preparing to take you to court. So you really do need to see a solicitor for advice.

At the moment, based on what you have posted, I think it very likely the grandmother will secure an order of the type she wishes.

Yep i agree and i don't look at my baby as a contraception fail, i look at her as a blessing. I'd say I'm legally entitled to have as many chikdren as i like aslong as I'm taking care of them.

My argument is my baby has never seen or been around her or her husband and when they're this young they should be with their mother during any visits but this isn't going to happen and my ex partner has stated he wants nothing to do with it or contact.

You are. But she may also be legally entitled to a relationship with any children you have with her son. You don't like it go to a sperm bank.

She can prove that she has had how many years of incident free visitation with her GC. She is now a consistent part of her Grandchild's life allowing her a bond with her paternal family and even facilitating contact between the child and father.

What is your argument that that should end and that the child's full sibling shouldn't benefit from that?

In that case, be ready for a court to the view that contact needs to start asap, because you have withheld easak for too long.

It just looks capricious and controlling of you (not their DGM) to allow contact for one (which is unproblematic) it deny if for the other.

But at this point i want to be left alone to raise my kids in peace

Did you read how many 'I's and 'my's are in your post? You're still not focussing on your daughters and their needs.

Either she's so poisonous she should have no contact (and having another child was a crazy decision), or she's not and both children should know their paternal family.

In this country grandparents don't have rights to see children in any case, it's down to the father. Is there a reason he isn't paying anything via CMS? Again, it's likely to be in your daughters' best interests to have cash coming in.

Contact based on what? A relationship that's never been? I don't think child law would agree. And the contact she had with my Daughter wasn't forced.