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Original poster

My boyfriend got arrested last night and I don’t know what is happening

269 replies

Emz2019 · 25/03/2018 07:43

Me and my partner are expecting a child soon, he has children form a previous marriage and yesterday around 5pm he took them home, he stopped in the street and they got out and left but their mum came out and started shouting at him and he shouted back and she kicked the car and he drove off. He got home and was quite upset by this and left a voice mail for his solicitor. Next thing police are at my door and he’s under arrest for trying to run his ex over apparently. This was 6pm. I got a call from the police at the station at 7:30pm telling me that my partner wanted me to know he’s fine I asked when will he be home they said the early hours depending on how busy they get as Saturday nights are busy. I haven’t slept a wink it’s now almost 8am and I haven’t heard any more. I went onto find my iPhone and he’s still at the police station. However he doesn’t have his phone on him so I can’t contact him at all. I tired to call the police station but a voice message says they can not give out any info regarding anyone in custody. I’m going out of my mind now and don’t know what I can do to find out what is happening or when he will be home or even if he’s possibly been remanded in custody. Can someone help me out please I don’t need this stress I’m heavily pregnant

OP posts:
Original poster
Emz2019 · 26/03/2018 13:25

Also his solicitor told me “they” don’t know who they are but they are trying to class it as domestic violence too and upgrade it to crown court

OP posts:
shesalady · 26/03/2018 13:27

Oh dear. You poor thing op.

riceandpeas123 · 26/03/2018 13:36

"They" will be the cps - it is a domestic violence case - no argument about that. I did think it would potentially be crown court based on the little information you had last night. The main impact of that is how long the case will go on for really. Your focus needs to be on bail rather than DV classification.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/03/2018 13:36

Deep breaths, OP.

Has the solicitor advised you of what to expect?

notapizzaeater · 26/03/2018 13:45

Is there any cctv close by to back him up ?

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 26/03/2018 14:09

So your ex got out of the car? To argue with his ex or to stop the child hitting his car?

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 26/03/2018 14:10

Sorry, I mean your partner.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 26/03/2018 14:18

I have to say OP, the fact that you haven’t said “no way would he ever do a thing like that, he is not aggressive, there is no way he did this” suggests you think he could have done it. Do you think he could have driven aggressively even if not towards her but speeding and spinning wheels etc?

19lottie82 · 26/03/2018 14:33

The thing is, in DV cases like this, all they need is a statement from one person (his ex) to press charges, where in most other cases further evidence / witnesses would be required. This can be great is some genuine DV situations, and terrible in others where people can lie / over exaggerate, out of vindictiveness.

My DH’s ex is an alcoholic and he’s spent the night in the cells three times since I’ve known him, due to her lies (twice he wasn’t even anywhere near her when she claimed he threatened / attacked her). Each time it was dropped, but not after he’d spent a night in the cells.

DextroDependant · 26/03/2018 14:34

Thinking of you OP.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2018 14:35

To be fair, she did say he never loses his temper and can't imagine it or words to that effect. She seems to be taking rhe sensible approach in terms of the fact she just doesn't know.

Op, is there any witnesses other than her dad and the kids. Have they interviewed any neighbours who would have witnessed it, as she lives in a public road and it sounds like quite a ruckus was going on.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 26/03/2018 14:47

Oh I missed that. The comment about if he had meant to run over them he would have also struck me as odd. As if OP thought him capable of that.

shesalady · 26/03/2018 14:51

I think op said if he drove at them he would have run them over as it's a narrow one way road rather than anything else.

Rachie1986 · 26/03/2018 15:18

Hope you are holding up ok OP x

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 26/03/2018 15:46

19lottie82

This really isn’t true, we have a big issue in this country of domestic violence not being taken seriously. And the abuse and control in terms of stalking, mind games and the way an abuser tries to paint themselves as a victims often ramps up after a woman leaves her abusive partner.

You also mention that your DH is let out after a night in the cells. So he wasn’t charged, he was kept in custody as they investigated the case. This is the right thing to do in this kind of case.

I’m not saying that the OP partner is guilty of what’s been accused, but I do think sometimes people do have to try and see if there is any truth in what has been said. Most times than not, domestic violence perpetrators will carry their behaviour on from relationship to relationship, they have a pattern and they rely on their new partners at taking them at their word. Sometimes it’s ok to investigate red flags, it doesn’t mean you’re unloyal it means that you are looking after yourself and doing due diligence.

riceandpeas123 · 26/03/2018 16:20

I actually think Lottie was pretty evenhanded in how she stated things. In some cases it's sufficient (and entirely appropriate) to charge on the back of one statement. DV cases are the prime example because in many cases they take place in a private house with no other witnesses or cctv.

Dissecting the rights and wrongs of DV cases doesn't really help the OP though.

Do we have an update yet Emz?

tribpot · 26/03/2018 16:26

I think what OP meant by I’m certain if he had tried to run them over he would have ran them over is not that he is capable of doing it but that because it is a (narrow?) one way street, if he had driven the car at speed he could only have either driven out of the street (away from them) or directly at them.

Original poster
Emz2019 · 26/03/2018 17:06

Thank you everyone he was bailed and is home. It’s his word against hers. The fact she said he was mortal at the time but his breathalyser was negative they all changed their minds. Also the non molestation order and all th crazy police reports we filed on her all went really well in his favour. He’s back in 1 month to be given trail dates which will most likely be 2 months later

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 26/03/2018 17:10

I thought that would be the case. Great to hear he is home and hopefully everything will be ok in a months time.

peridito · 26/03/2018 17:12

Thank you for updating .
So glad he's home .
Can I ask ( you probably want to get off this thread and try and relax a little so will understand if you don't reply ) but when you say
"they all chaged their minds " who do you mean ? CPS ? Witnesses ?

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2018 17:13

That's good he's home. I'm surprised though they went on his word against hers, but I guess that relates to the earlier comments on domestic violence.

MustShowDH · 26/03/2018 17:23

Glad you now have a better idea of what's happening. You don't need the stress especially when you're pregnant.

rainbowruthie · 26/03/2018 17:48

When is baby due?

19lottie82 · 26/03/2018 20:06

You also mention that your DH is let out
after a night in the cells. So he wasn’t charged, he was kept in custody as they investigated the case. This is the right
thing to do in this kind of case.

Your attitude might be slightly different if the police turned up at your house and was arrested in front of his 8 year old and 11 year children, for an offence that supposedly took place 2 hours ago when he was in the house with you and said children.

Original poster
Emz2019 · 26/03/2018 20:52

The two judges or who ever they were sat right at the front. They seamed to look down a lot at the paper. But once dp solicitor said about the Injunction because of her crazy behaviour and how she told police he was mortal but the breathalyser was negative they looked up and seamed very interested. The solicitor was really good the way he worded it all. I’m pleased with the outcome but shocked to hear his ex’s story told by the cps. I know it’s not true at all she also said he assaulted his 8 year old!

OP posts: