Hello all,
I was going to write a nice positive post about seeing the case worker yesterday. He was very helpful, talked me through the whole process and said he will advocate for me in court as well. He also agreed that the way they returned the deposit was dodgy, and he will look further into that. He also thinks that I will probably be entitled to compensation because they failed to protect the deposit in the first place. The way they returned the deposit was so the S21 would be valid, but that doesn't negate the fact that they failed to protect the money in the first place. He also seemed convinced that the county court won't allow him to transfer it to the high court at the enforcement stage. He said that any such requests he has seen lately have all been refused because the proper protocol is to let the county court deal with it.
A dear friend of mine ( I actually used to be her carer but we became very close) came round yesterday to say we could stay at hers instead of a hostel/ b and b. She thought I would then still be high priority due to severe overcrowding but I am not so sure. It is a 5 bed house, but she sleeps downstairs in the living room because of her disabilities. With us there, her, 2 other female adults (me and DD1), 2 adult males (her 2 teenage sons), 2 female children (10 and 11) and 3 Male children (my DS's aged 13 and 11, and her Ds aged 12.) Both our youngest sons suffer from ASD. It is not a big house though, just a standard 3 bed ex council house that has had a loft extension, kitchen is tiny and most of the living room. taken up with DS's equipment and her bed. I know sometimes you can be considered and treated as homeless due to severe overcrowding, but I am not sure if that would apply in that set up. I don't know how to find out either. The other thing is, I don't know if HB would help me with any money towards our keep as otherwise I` wouldn't be able to afford it. I know living there wouldn't be easy for any of us, and she is an angel for offering, as yes, it would be crowded but at least the kids would not be sharing with strangers. I don't know how to find out if its an option though, or where I could store my stuff whilst we were there either?
So anyway, ~I was feeling a bit more positive. `But now In have just got in to get a letter from the housing benefit department telling me that all my money has been stopped because they have been informed of a change of circumstances. I don't know what they are talking about, I sent all the details of my bursary to tax credits, HB and DLA when it was awarded. I was told they remained largely unchanged. I am terrified they think my ex partner is living here still because his name is on the S21 as well as mine, because LL was reluctant to take him off the tenancy so they could still go after him as well as me for any rent arrears etc if they needed to. How can I prove he hasn't lived here- a lot of the time he was living with his mum and dad ( who didn't declare he was there so THEIR benefits were affected. He also did a lot of sofa surfing, spent while in a psychiatric hospital, and even now is living unofficially in a friends house as they haven't declared he is there either. Apparently even his friend isn't supposed to be there, his girlfriend is still claiming as single (angry face - can't do on here). So how on earth will I prove he has not been here for years if that is what they think? And if I get taken to court for anything like that, my nursing career will be over forever. But I have always been honest about my income, always kept any agencies informed about any changes in circumstances, income etc.
But I am terrified. When my circumstances kept changing 2 or 3 years ago (changed job/hours a couple off times then had to leave and apply for income support/ carers allowance they kept me waiting sometimes for months with no housing benefit because of backlogs their end. It used to put me into rent arrears and because of that I almost lost the house back then as well. I can't cope with all that. Plus if `I have rent arrears when I apply as homeless they may well find me intentionally homeless. Plus a condition of being in the second highest band is that you are either working or a carer but to qualify for that band you have to have rent arrears of less than £50. If you don't meet these conditions you are stuck in the lowest bands which mean you are often stuck in temporary accommodation for years and years before having any chance at all of being offered secure accommodation.
I've had enough now. I am so tired, so sick of having to fight for everything, sick of being made to feel I have done something wrong when all I am trying to do is better myself, care for my son and provide a stable, safe and happy home for all my children, but it feels like people are doing everything they can so I not able to any not that. I am so so sick and tired off it all, I want to just go to bed and sleep forever. I had such a happy start to the year, I was delighted to be given the chance to start the degree In have wanted to do so many years, and so happy that DS4 was finally settling down after a nightmare couple of years and attending school after missing so much. But now look at me- sorry for the language, but I am fucked. I feel like everything I need just for basic living is being taken away from me- the home I love, my cat, any control over our future, and now my income, just the money I need for basic survival - food, the gas and electric meters, diesel to get the kids to school and Uni ( not on a bus route and quite far out). I'm pretty sure my eldest DD who I was so close to is going to jump ship before long, DS2 (22) finishes his degree in May and was supposed to be coming home, he won't be able to afford to live in London just on his wages alone. He won't be entitled to any HB because of his age. He also has ASD and is struggling now his long term Dp has left him, I was looking forward to having him back for a bit so I could key an eye on him, but now he has no home to comer back to. I have let him down. I have let all of them down. I am now going to have no income indefinitely whilst they do this investigation they are doing for whatever reason. How on earth will I now manage with no money at all and impending homelessness and all the degradation that is going to cause, and distress it will cause the DC's I love so dearly and just want to be able to protect and look after. How will I find all the energy and time I will need to now fight this as well as all the stuff with the housing situation. What will my already arsey LL do now I cannot pay him as well as not vacate his house?
I can't take anymore. I don't have the strength or energy to wait for the next thing to go wrong and trip us all up. I feel like I have been fighting for years, the benefits system, to keep my ex away and then to try and undo the damage he did with sod all help from the NHS who just don't have the resources. The same trying to get my son help and a diagnosis. Fighting the education system who kept trying to fine me for my son's non attendance despite them witnessing him kicking, spitting at and punching men when I tried to force him to go in, despite knowing he was so scared of school he had cut and burned himself so he didn't have to when he was only 9. Having to look after a mother who never looked after me because there is no one else who can or will help.
Why does all this shit and grief always happen to me. I made some big mistakes in my life ( putting up with abusive men mainly) and we still suffer from the repercussions now, but all I have been trying to do for years is to get away from that life. But it feels like not only do people not only not want to help me with that, they are actively trying to prevent giving me a chance to that. Like them or something is tripping me up ever step of the way. I am sick of it. I am not a bad person, so why do I deserve all this? why is it always me who gets the short straw. I know all this probably sounds and is self pitying but it is how I feel. I have had enough. I can't do this anymore. I love my DC's there are my world, they are the reason I am still here. But now, I won't even be able to clothe and feed them for however long this investigation takes ( and I had heard of people in similar situations who have had their money stopped for months and months). I can't even provide them with a roof over their heads or a place to live where they will feel safe. And if I am found intentionally homeless, SS apparently will only house them, not me. And I will lose them, my whole reason for wanting to make us a better life. `It is all starting to fell very pointless now. I feel hopeless and I feel trapped. I feel like already I am buggering up the degree and career I think I could actually do very well at if only I didn't have all this constant crap taking up all my mental energy and time. I feel very alone, very vulnerable and I just want to run away before the next things goes wrong. I've had enough.