Anyone legal around, any advice at all? Please, please help...

[demonchilde]

Hello all. Sorry if the thread title is a bit dramatic, I'm usually pretty resilient and keep things together but I am at my wits end, I really am. I'll try and paraphrase to avoid an essay.

I'm a lone parent to 6, 4 living at home with me still. Ex was violent, leaving me with depression, anxiety and PTSD. My children suffered the same. DS (18) has a history of self harm. She about to start her A levels (18). DS4 (11) suffers from ASD - history of self harm, sever meltdowns and pretty much missed the last 2 years of Junior school as he refused to go. He reacts really badly to even the slightest change in routine. He has now been settled at secondary since last September- attendance currently at 96% I am a student Nurse on the last intake before the bursary is stopped. I have wanted to do nursing all my life, so this is my last chance as I wouldn't be eligible for a student loan.

DS (13) is doing well but has a history of anxiety and panic attacks. He is being referred for counsellling at his school. Tragically, his best friend who he has known since nursery has just lost his battle with brain cancer. We are all devastated. He is not coping well. I have got him involved with fund raising (sponsored walk) I am helping arrange in the hope this will help him. I am trying to be strong so I can help him but am finding it so upsetting as well. He was a lovely, lovely lad and I can't believe life has been this cruel.

Landlord served me with a section 21 that expires next week. They are selling. We have been here 8 years and we love it here. I have spent the last 7 weeks trying desperately to find somewhere else but it is pointless. Rental prices have rocketed round here, there is a high demand for properties and people waiting. None will take partial HB, a lone parent with a poor credit history. I have no guarantor.

I contacted the council housing team way back in February. They gave me a runaround with the paperwork they said they needed, but finally said they had the info needed a month ago. They then booked me in for a telephone interview with a housing officer. They then postponed it twice due to staff sickness. Today is the 3rd day I have waited in all day for a phone interview ( my mobile keeps freezing). It is the 3rd time the phone has rung twice, only to be put straight down their other end. Each time it has happened I have rung their call centre straight back, only to be told they called several times and got no answer. They are lying. Every time I was next to the phone. My mobile didn't ring either. I am on hospital placement for the next few weeks working 3 13 hour shifts a week. I am having to take days off to wait for these calls. I am going to need to make these hours up somehow. I have now been told I have to wait all day Thursday for a callback to reshedule this once again. The 5th time. I have tried to go to the contact centre, only to be told the housing officers don't work from there and no one can speak to me. Spoke to shelter. They referred me to the civil advice people who can't help much now.

I am well aware I am going to be put into a b and b with my children all in one room indefininitely. I don't know how we will cope- my son doesn't sleep. All my children are extremely wary of strangers yet we will have to share a bathroom with up to 7 other families/ groups. I was sort of preparing for this but now I am so scared - if the council are treating us this badly before we're even on the streets, how are they going to act when we need a roof over our heads? Will they lie about things and ignore us then as well so we are trapped there for years.

My landlord is ruthless- he will be going straight to court and then will transfer it to high court bailiffs meaning the eviction will be quicker, plus they will not have to give any notice they are arriving. I am scared I will be at work or Uni (exams coming up) and my children will be here alone when they come. They will be petrified- their Dad used to boot the door in, they remember all that. Landlord has made implied threats whenever I have spoken to him.

I'm trying to be strong but I can't stop crying. I feel I have let my children down. I am scared of what is going to happen to us and how we will cope. What has happened to my friend's son is constantly on my mind - it's just beyond awful. And now all this. If anyone can help, then please - I really could do with it. I'm out of ideas completely, but I need to find a way to be strong enough to help my children through this. I need to find a way to cope for them - they only have me to fight for them. I apologise for any spelling, grammar errors- having to type this mega quick so I can go out with DS's to put some posters up in shops etc. But bloodyhell, all this is starting to seem like a nightmare. I don't know what to do, I really don't.

Re getting a student loan- the problem they said I have is that I still owe some of my last loan, and that makes me ineligible

Who is 'they'? This is nonsense advice. I've paid off not a penny of my first loan as I've never earned over 21k, and am still eligible for another for nursing, midwifery or allied health professionals courses.

It's not debt in the traditional sense, as a nq it's the cost of a coffee a month in repayments and gets written off when you retire. The amount you receive is roughly a third more than the bursary.

If the deposit wasn't registered, the s21 wasn't valid. If they have returned the balance so now there is no deposit (sorry if I misunderstood that bit), then that is definitely deliberate rather than admit fault with the s21 and risk being exposed to a claim/inability to serve notice. Not illegal but unpleasant sharp practice.

So sorry OP, this is so shit and stressful for you.

Re getting a student loan- the problem they said I have is that I still owe some of my last loan, and that makes me ineligible

Who is 'they'? This is nonsense advice. I've paid off not a penny of my first loan as I've never earned over 21k, and am still eligible for another for nursing, midwifery or allied health professionals courses

It's not debt in the traditional sense, as a nq it's the cost of a coffee a month in repayments and gets written off when you retire. The amount you receive is roughly a third more than the bursary.

^ Student finance told me this. They said the same to the finance department at my current Uni. Years ago, my lfe was pretty chaotic and we moved a lot for various reasons. I paid about half off even though I could have deferred just to try and get rid off it. But when my depression was really bad I was rubbish at sorting my finances out, and forgot to notify them of change of address and to fill out the forms to defer it. As a result it was passed to their collections department and became a lump sum to pay off that I can't afford. I cannot even apply for the non means tested student loan that most people can claim alongside the bursary, which also means I am ineligible for any help from the Uni's hardship fund- to claim this you have to have alreacdy applied for the bursary and a loan. This is what I have been told by my University's finance department.

And I don't agree that it is not a debt in the traditional sense. It is still a debt, and I don't want to owe £60,000 plus when I am 47. I also don't agree that student nurses should have to fund their education- they are an investment and an assett to the country and should be treated as such. But that's another matter I suppose. Also, the basic element of a loan is more than the bursary, but with the bursary I get various elements to top it up, such as dependent child allowances and extra weeks allowances that bring the total up to £11,00 a year ( although that will go down when my daughter finishes her a levels in June). . On top of that I get 85% of my childcare costs reimbursed, plus my travel costs to placements. Plus most students are also able to apply for the £3000 ish loan from student finance that I mentioned above.

I only want to give up my studies as a very last resort. I am no spring chicken and want to qualify as soon as I can, and then hopefully I can get a job somewhere where the rents are not ridiculous and I can afford to live. It also gives me something postive to focus on - otherwise what would I do on my own in one room in a hostel/ b and b when the DC's are at school etc.? Working or studying is hard but is very good for my depression - it gives me something positive to focus on and means I have to interact with people and not shut myself away like I tend to do if I can.

And yes Applebite - I know.It upsets me that she was that sneaky, she acted like she was doing me such a favour by leaving that money. And she really had to talk me into signing as I wouldn't do it. The only reason I signed it was because she said all I was agreeing to was to deduct the rent arrears from the deposit. I didn't even realise she had left the envelope with the money in till she had left and had to phone her to ask her what it was. I thought she meant she would deduct the arrears at the end of the tenancy, not there and then.

And yes, thank you for the suggestion to phone shelter - I managed to get throiugh a couple of times and they referred me to the civil legal advice people, who have now referrred me to a case worker at the local Citizens Advice Centre. I am seeing them tomorrow at 1 pm. I am on placement at the hospital tomorrow from 7.30 am to 830 pm, but luckily my mentor is being sympathetic and is ok with me going there as long as I make the time up. Somehow! I haven't spoken to my personal tutor yet as she has been so busy, but I will email her again in a minute to see if she can fit me in this week sometime.

The section 21 runs out tomorrow. In my landlord's words 'he's going to take it very, very personally if we are still here then' even though he knows I am not here by choice and would move tomorrow if we just had somewhere to go. He also said that builders will be coming in this week to fit a new kitchen/ bathrooms. I suppose soon I will find out whether he just said this to scare and intimidate us, or whether he meant it. He knows it's not allowed. But this a man who cut the wires into the house when previous tenants didn't leave on time, so we will see.

Sorry for typos/ bad grammar- tired!

What about hospital accommodation in one of the hospitals you are placed at? Many of my medical student colleagues lived on site fairly cheaply, and people often live there with their families. You may be eligible.

I'm so sorry for all this.

Regarding the landlord - you do nothing wrong by staying after the section 21 expires. It is not a notice to quit, it is a notice that legal action will be started if you don't leave. Your rights are unaffected and your tenancy continues.

This man thinks he is rachmann. Threats and unauthorised access are illegal and he commits a crime.

and yes, I doubt he protected your deposit. You have six years to sue him for that and you will win.

Despite attempts otherwise, most councils will not help until you have an eviction date. An application to start the court processes cannot be made until the section 21 expires, so he won't be in court on Monday. Once he gets a possession order, only when that expires can he apply for bailiffs and only then can he apply for permission to ask for the high court ones.

I wish you better times and I wish your landlord what he deserves. Which he will get eventually.

Oh and if I were you I wouldn't take a year out of uni. Your loans/bursary will stop, I.e. Your only source of income, and you will not be able to claim contributions based jsa as you won't have been paying NI (I learnt this the hard way after taking a year out when I was pregnant with dd. Better to carry on - even if you fail a year and have to repeat, I believe (but you'd better check) you'd still get your bursary for your repeat year. Even if you didn't get the bursary, the childcare grants/loans etc give you a reasonable income as a parent - I did 3 years of my medical degree with all this entitlement, I had no bursary, and I survived. You will be left with a bit of debt, but repayments to the SLC are manageable.

Please speak to your student welfare officers/finance advisors. They uni legally has to have them and they will help you and you may be eligible for a hardship grant or loan.

They know an awful lot of stuff and may be able to help in other ways.

And what your landlady did re the deposit I think is illegal, afaik the deposit is NOT to be used for rent arrears - that is a separate issue.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You said further down the thread that you wanted to know that people cared and that you and your family matter. You do matter and you are doing a great job, navigating this utter shit show. It's appalling that you have been put in this situation. I also have a DS with ASD and I sympathise.

Again thank you all for your posts. It is so nice just to be heard if that makes sense. Talking (or rather, wittering on) on here is really helping me get my thoughts together.

Bottlesoflove Unfortunately the hospital doesn't have any family accomodation, and most is reserved for newly qualified nurses and those from overseas. And yes, I only want to defer if I really really have to,for example if I find I really cannot cope (though I'm praying my depression doesn't come back) or if DS4 starts refusing school again and I have to care for / teach him at home like I did in the past. ( back then he was so determined not to go he smashed my windscreen whilst I was driving, made himself sick, even cut and burned his arms so he didn't have to go). That is the main reason I am so scared we will be moved too far away for him to go to the same school - he just wouldn't go. Plus I had an absolute nightmare with the school attendance officer during that time- I was constantly threatened with being taken to court even though they saw he'd self harmed, broken my windscreen and kicked punched and thrown things at me when I tried to physically lift him from the car into the school. TBH, I don't think anyone expected him to settle in his current school the way he did, not even me. But he did and to compromise that for him would be so upsetting and so harmful for him it really would. the school have agreed with me and are going to write a letter for me to give to the council to that effect. However, the council have told me they only have a duty to keep them near the school if it a special school and his one isn't. However, someone told me that they are not supposed to disrupt their GCSE years either, and DS3 (13) has started these. So I'm hoping that is true.

Also, I am currently on tax credits, which I was told do not count my bursary as income so I can claim both. When universal credit is phased in here, apparently bursaries/ student loans will be counted as income and taken pound for pound off universal credit awards. How people like me are going to manage when that happens I don't know, it is hard enough on the amount we get at the minute.

and thank you RandomMess- I will go and talk to them again. It's just so frustrating - I waited years to do this and I tried to get completely organised before starting the degree, organised the house, childcare, routines so that things would go smoothly and I would have time to concentrate on my studies. Read a lot of stuff to try andget a head start on it all. And then, a week or so into my course, all this happens. I just feel like I have become a right nuisance and am asking for special treatment and I hate it.

Yes keep going on your course. If you have to take chunks out or repeat chunks here and there for "pastoral reasons" then so be it. But taking a year out or deferring makes you effectively not a student anymore, you just become an "unemployed" person which (rightly or wrongly) puts you in a weaker position. I was treated/spoken to like shit when I was pregnant and tried to get advice/help from the job centre despite being on a year out from medical school and prior to that being in work continuously for about 15 years! I was lucky in that with no other dcs I managed to scrape together enough temporary work in that year out (hca work, bar work, receptionist work) and literally working up til the day of my ELCS that I kept my head above water and qualified for maternity allowance, otherwise I was entitled to nothing. In hindsight I should have continued with my course, even though I would certainly have to repeat as exams fell on my due date and missing them would have automatically meant I'd have to repeat the whole year!

Please OP speak to shelter, they really will be able to advise you with your situation

Bottlesoflove - But the trouble is, I signed to say I agreed to them being used for that. Although she really had to talk me into signing as I didn't want to. I also didn't realise she meant she was giving the money back there and then. But again, won't that be my word against hers?

And thank you ever so much marthastew for taking the time to post ( don't know if I've done that < right! ). I'm finding being in this situation really degrading, and like I'm having to go and beg for help. It's horrible. I also feel like I am letting my DC's down because I am unable to provide a decent home for them. And yes, ASD is hard to cope with, I try my best to understand him but sometimes it is like he is living in a parallel universe and I can't reach or help him. It seems to like our family - my DS2 also has it, plus my nephew and it is obvious now I now about it that my dad had it too. He was like a text book case in hindsight. He was a difficult man, but still I feel sad that it was only after he had died I had the chance to try and understand him.

I also find with DS4 that his behaviour and symptoms has dips if that makes sense. He has periods where he seems to be coping pretty well, which can lull you into a false sense of security because before you know it, their symptoms come back with a vengance (ie not sleeping, meltdowns etc). I think the current situation is why he is behaving like this, he cannot cope without routine and what is going to happen/ where we are going to go but I can't tell him as I don't know myself. He is also really, really upset that we can't take our cat with us. He adores our cat, and even trained him to sleep by his pillow by secretly hiding a treat there for him at night! He is so worried that the cat will forget him. It may sound silly but we will all miss the cat so much, to us he is part of our family, but DS4 especially so.

I will Bottlesoflove- you are so right about being viewed differently as a student, it's wrong but true - even when I was not unemployed but caring for my son people viewed me as a scrounger, even though I had previously worked or studied for most of my life.

Can I ask a question if anyone is about - would it be worth printing this thread off to show the case worker at the citizens advice centre? Or is it too personal do you think? It's just that sometimes I forget to mention everything if that makes sense.

Hi demon I think it's a good idea to print this thread off and to maybe highlight the important points you want to make, so the cab person doesn't have to read all of it- they may not have time!
Good luck with the meeting.

sorry specialsubject - my question about whether I negated the chance to contest the deposit by signing that agreement was supposed to be directed at you, And thank you for your kind words, they are so appreciated (ha- think I have the hang of that < now )

Suppose I'd better try and get some sleep, up at 6 for a 13 hour shift on a crazily busy ward. Just have to try and get DS4 to at least lie down, he's keeping the others awake yet again by roaming around. How we will all cope in one room with him is beyond me. We spent one night in a B and B in Dorset last year in one room, and I had lost the will to live after about an hour in there!

Thank you IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday - I think that is a good idea. I do have trouble with being concise and a tendency to repeat myself, so yes, I will highlight the main points I'm trying to make.

I have very little experience of legal matters at all, but isn't something that is signed under duress/after false info less likely to stand?

Btw op - hats off to you. I am a single parent and a junior doctor (full-time) with a six year old and I know how hard those 13 hr shifts are! 😩 I barely cope with one NT dc and a (reasonably) reasonable exp who has her 50%. I don't know how you cope with an arsehole ex, more than one child with SN and all this shit to deal with. You deserve a medal frankly. Just keep going. There were times I thought I couldn't but I promise one way or another "this too shall pass" and you are giving your dc a better future. I too had a recent bereavement (my brother killed himself) and whilst it makes life so dark and hard - it also shows you what's really important. So try (and I know it's easier said than done, believe me) to draw strength fro that and keep going. 💐 (you can do this 👊)

I know just what you mean. My DS has good periods which give me hope and bad periods which make me terrified for his future and leave me feeling very low and afraid.

It's so very very hard when terrible things like this happen as for most children with ASD even small changes have have an enormous impact. Changing the washing powder so their clothes smell different might mean they cannot wear them, school holidays so their daily routine is off mean that they become incredibly anxious etc. Let alone losing your home, your pet and everything that is familiar in your life changing. And the one person in the whole world that makes you feel safe and steady, your Mum, is themselves having a hard time keeping an even keel. It must be awful for them and heartbreaking for you.

Can you speak to their Ed Psych and ask for a letter explaining the impact that a B&B and being far from schools and support networks will have on your DC?

As Bottles said (you and her are both utterly heroic) this too shall pass. One day it will just be another bump in the road that you overcame. For now though, you have lots of support and good advice here.

I just caught up with your thread, OP. I feel so, so sorry for you. You have had some great advice here already, and I hope the calls and meetings you have lined up for tomorrow bring you better news or new ideas. The only thing I can add is to tell you that if your friend can't take the cat after all, it's worth approaching the RSPCA, Battersea or any local shelters about arranging temporary foster care. I have a cat snoring on the sofa next to me right now who I'm fostering for someone who's in hospital for a while, so it can be done. Still upsetting for your DS and the least of it all though, I realise. I wish I could be more help but will be thinking of you.

Wow Bottlesoflove - a Junior Doctor as well as a single parent. That must be so difficult to balance, I've seen the amount of studying you have to do and the crazy hours as well. Good for you for being so determined though! If I had my time again, I would love to have gone into medicine, I just never thought it would be an option for me as I had quite a difficult early life which meant my education was disrupted. I always thought medicine was only a choice for those who left school at 18 with 3/4 really good A levels, but I already had a one year old by then

Regarding the duress with the deposit, I suppose it would be my word against hers, plus they have a lot of money and would be able to use really good solicitors to contest any claim whilst I wouldn't.

But thank you so much for the words of encouragement - they really do help. I'm finding writing on here a good outlet for getting things off my chest, which helps me to find that inner strength that tells me I WILL get through all this somehow, I will find a way to cope. And it could be so much worse.

I am so very sorry to hear about your brother. How awful for you. I know that suicide in particular often makes a bereavement even harder to cope with, and leaves you with so many unanswered questions. You must have been devastated .

I am surprised at just how upset and shocked I have been about DS3's best friend dying, because I had pretty much guessed it was coming. It just seems so cruel - at 13, he had his whole life ahead of him. And after the first operation he learned to walk and talk again, and was convinced he was cured. He made the surgeon who did the first op cry by showing him the photo he had of him titled 'my hero'. It just seems so bloody cruel that it came back less than 2 months later and killed him 6 weeks after that despite 2 ops to try and remove it. It's like your brain tries to make sense of everything, but how can it make any sense of why a child gets a cancer that kills him within 7 months? It's just bloody awful. But yes, I do know what you mean about something like that putting your own problems into context, and I am trying to do that.

And thank you marthastew for your kind and supportive words . I relate to everything you say about your DS. I didn't realise that others feel the same regarding good and bad periods and how they fluctuate. Even I, let alone others, sometimes struggle to understand how the tiniest changes, such as smell, are so difficult for him. He also has pretty much a phobia about Donald trump and screams if he sees a picture of him or him on TV which makes life interesting! It must be awful for them though. I think considering it is the holidays, plus we have all the moving etc coming up he is not doing too bad ( apart from the sleeping and compulsive eating). But you know when you can sense they're heading for a major blip? I feel like that and it does worry me. And it is such a shame as he was doing so well .

But yes, I have asked the school if they will write a letter and they said they will help as they are concerned for him too. I don't think he is assigned an ed psych, and hasn't seen one in over a year now. By his consulatnt's admission, both the local ASD department and CAMHS are severely over subscribed and under funded. She even suggested moving to an adjoining area where there is decent provision for children with ASD, but I can't do that- to make a homeless appplication in a neighbouring county I would need to have a local connection and I don't. Almost 30% of the pupils at his school have SN, so I don't even know yet how they will cope if he starts to struggle- so far they have only seen him on his best behaviour, but sadly I know that is something that is likely to change.

But anyway - again, thank you all for your kind and supportive words and helpful advice. You are all lovely people. I had better shut up now and get my 4 hours sleep, DC4 appears to have finally passed out with exhaustion. Happy days

LL can "take it personally" but knows full well what the score is.
All landlords know it. Shelter will tell you to stay put. If you go anywhere council will accuse you of making yourself homeless and refuse to rehouse you.
So it goes to court. End of. Have heard on here of many councils not coming forward with keys or b+b placements until eviction day. LL will know this already so do not allow intimidation and ring police if he accesses your home.

I'm not sure on what you signed, but the non protection of the deposit is a separate issue. Returning it allows a section 21 to be valid, but it doesn't wipe that it wasn't protected. Otherwise there would be no point in the legislation .

A landlord must protect the deposit and give the tenant the info on it within 30 days, otherwise they are open to a penalty of up to 3 times its value. No excuses. Landlordzone comes up with this quite often - landlords whose agent didnt do it, who were unwell, bereaved, whatever when the deposit should have been protected. No excuse.

Op sorry if I've missed something, you're only in the first year so deferring may be a good option until you are back on your feet . What where you doing prior to being a student nurse? Thinking along the lines of hca where many hospitals offer conversion courses through a paid working role for nvq which then leads on to the 2 year conversion course to rgn . There's several on these types of courses where I work at present. There's also the option of training as a band 4 whilst on the job , assistant practitioner or whatever your area call band 4s, basically near to the old enrolled nurse. I don't mentor students now but I believe the RCN is looking at regulating these roles more. It may be a more realistic way of earning a wage and working towards the nursing degree instead of being a full time student.