Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

Your mum? You said you had no family so where does she fit in?

I hope they do put me in a mother and baby unit and this will help also to keep my ex at a distance because everything will be monitored

You have to show them that you are capable of keeping him at a distance yourself.

Are you capable of doing this? What is keeping you from doing this yourself?

I think you should reconsider having the ex there at the birth.

If you keep on showing social services that you are trying to include him for any reason, you will lose this baby.

Agree with mathanxiety. By including him at the birth you are suggesting there is still an emotional attachment, which could be construed as unhealthy for all concerned.

Your relationship with the ex appears to be key here and you don't get it. There is no reason for him to be at the birth. It's completely inappropriate under the circumstances (first child on a care order, child protection plan for the baby pre birth)

I can't imagine having the ex there would be beneficial at all. Not to you in labour or for your chances of keeping your baby.

SS will be thinking in terms of risks - so the risks around your child. You need to show you are not a risk & you can make good decisions.

Have you spoken to anyone in SS about your ex being present at the birth? How would you justify his presence if asked?

I hear horror stories of organised crime within social services and was told by someone on Facebook that they will take baby at birth and they want to force addopt babys in this country.

Of course social services areb't paid to steal babies!!

Surely, if they were, you wouldn’t have been offered drug and alcohol support services, CBT therapy, parent recovery and relapse prevention groups and parenting courses! It sounds as though you’ve had a LOT of support, which is great.

For goodness sake woman.
Do NOT have your drug dependent ex who partially cost you your first child at the birth of your second baby.

Wake UP.

Sara, the major thing that got me off child protection planning before my baby was born was my request to the midwife to formalise my birth plan and put appropriate flags on it for all hospital/security staff so that no one could accidentally let the father into the hospital to see me/the baby if I was there. As I was planning a home birth there was the slight concern that I may be doing that so no one would know who was there but when I asked about safety in hospital and also that, should an ambulance need to be called it not be the local one due to ex family connections, as well as specifying a certain taxi company not be used for staff/equipment again for family reasons the whole situation with children's services changed and they saw my commitment to not seeing him again (at least not until he'd got a court order that gave me no choice!!)

Please don't have the ex at the birth, please get your notes flagged with the hospital so security are aware and please make it clear to children's services that you really do want to make a strong family as you and the baby ready for looking to the future with your son.

Congrats on your baby

Any names yet?

Sarah has anyone suggested the freedom programme to you?

Hi the social services told me that their was no support they could offer me. The cbt, and drug recovery programs and parenting courses were self refered from me. With no help from social services.

Sara, in answer to your earlier question, SS would need to go to court to apply for an interim care order if the plan was for you and baby to go into a unit/placement to be monitored. This is because they would have more power to remove the child from you if there was evidence that you had placed her at risk of harm than if you have signed an section 20 agreement for her to be accommodated with you, as you could revoke the agreement at any stage.

The ex needs to go. No ifs, no buts. You owe him nothing and any contact you have with him potentially jeopardises you keeping your baby. You need to demonstrate that you can protect your baby from any risk he may pose.

You have made great gains and I wish you well.

I have very limited family. My mum is actually disabled walking with crutches and currently in a care home so she can't support me fully. But she is their for me emotionally. She's planning to get a cab to hospital. And I am close to my dad but he lives many miles away so I don't see him often, but he does attend child protection meetings and court with me. I live in London he lives in a vilage in Cambridgeshire.

Maybe consider relocating nearer your dad?

I just don't understand, sorry. You have gone to great pains to get yourself in a better place and you say you would do anything to prove to SS you are a different person now and your life is not what it was. Yet you want your ex to be at the birth?! That's contradictory to all the changes you said you've made

There's posters on here with more knowledge but I think the freedom programme could really help you.

My DD2's Dad was violent and an addict. I stayed with him 5 years and hid the abuse well. 18 months on he's just had his unsupervised contact stopped after the police found him with drugs.

I don't think abusers can change and I think the freedom programme could open your eyes to his games.

Don't have your ex at the birth and attend contact come what may with ds1

Hi i didnt really want him at birth but he got annoyed and said he has right to be their because his the farther. Plus ss have not told me their concerned my ex having contact with me. Your right I'll talk to midwife about getting security for him not to be their. I also saw that I can do the freedom program online so I will be very interested in doing that. I will talk to the social worker if they have any concerns with ex as they have not mentioned it as I will be the main carer. But being in a unhappy relationship for over 14 years the freedom program will be good for me to go on.

Sarah he has no right. I'd bet money there has been massive emotional abuse in your relationship.

Hi OP I am a bit worried that you may out yourself so please don't disclose too much about yourself. In my view best thing for you to do is to continue doing what your doing and getting better. Social services have to put in place a parallel plan for baby just in case your unable to sustain the changes. I know this is hard to hear but they have to consider all options for baby. However well fine for baking the changes so swiftly just focus on keeping yourself strong for baby

Definitely don't have ex at the birth. Would be work speaking to your social worker for advice.

I know of someone who was in a very very similar situation. They were allowed to keep the baby on the basis of several conditions but there was very heavy monitoring initially.

Oops! Wrong thread, not sure what happened there - sorry, OP.

Yes I suffered emotional abuse it's hard to recognise it when your in it. It was also financial abuse. I will definitely try sign up to the freedom program. Even though I'm not with him he still wants to be around. I know u might think why do I let him in but last time I didn't let him in he broke my front door. I tried to explain to social services but they didn't do anything. I was going to go to a refuge with my son but social worker at the time said I'll be selfish as my son enjoyed going to his school. At least if im monitored or put in a unit he will have to stay away. He doesn't ask me for money or abuse me anymore. But I told ss if his going to be the reason I loose baby can u move me. But they said I have a nice flat and dont need to move, so I assumed having contact with him wasn't a problem.